My transition is beginning

[Connief]

I agree with Heidi and Karen! This is going to be a fun adventure filled year! I've had 3 sessions with mine so far and it really is refreshing!

[phylis anne]

Hello Amanda 22 ,
Congratulations on your situation you are very lucky to have an s/o who is wiht you .Good luck on your journey
hugs phylis anne

[Amanda22]

Thanks for your support, my friends. I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that while my wife strongly supports me transitioning, she doesn't want to be married to a woman. I don't understand how she can't see I'm just going to be the same person she's enjoyed, only happier. But the key is that I'll have breasts and no male genitals. I recognize that's a really big deal. In a similar fashion, she doesn't totally understand my need to transition. So, the only choice is to end the marriage. We are transitioning our relationship from stressed partners to carefree friends. The great news is that we're going to remain best friends and we'll still be doing things together. That means lots of girlfriend dates, shopping, and even traveling! Through the heartbreak, we have remained calm and caring for each other, but decided to remove the stress and strain from our lives by transitioning to being BFFs. It's the right decision.

Also, I have my initial consultation with an endocrinologist at Vanderbilt University on February 25th. Yay! I really want breast implants and things reworked down below. The bulge in my crotch offends me so much. I would love to wear a swimsuit and look natural.

Please keep me in your thoughts...

Love to you for that...

[Jorja]

Amanda, may I suggest you allow the HRT to work for a couple of years before having implants placed. You never know, you might be one of those that gets really good results from the hormones. At least give them a chance.

[Kris Avery]

May your journey be smooth and also not be a solo voyage.

[Karen62]

Amanda, my heart aches for you. You are finally doing something that fulfills your soul in so many unspeakable ways, but to do so, you also have to lose your loving, supportive partner. I am so sorry this has come to be. Is it a total surprise? Were you talking with her about what your transition meant for your relationship?

I don't understand how she can't see I'm just going to be the same person she's enjoyed, only happier.

What's so obvious to you may not be so obvious to her. The challenge for her, if I may stand in her shoes, is that you, post-transition, are actually not the same person -- not her image of you in her mind -- and that's what counts most to her. In her mind, she likely sees you as a classic male, along with your personality, your wit, your intellect, and having a male's body (whether or not you both still had an active romantic life). She also, I assume, sees herself as a heterosexual woman, and you are changing her paradigm.

But the key is that I'll have breasts and no male genitals.

Yeah, that is the key, alright. It is likely her own self-image, her own long-standing self-identification, that she can't reconcile with the new reality, and this must surely be playing a part in her painful decision to separate.

Since she has been supportive of you up to now, have you considered asking her if you could both go to counseling together? Maybe, with the guidance of a qualified therapist, she might be able to see past the part of her limiting self-identification that she is, above all, a heterosexual woman, whose own sexual identity is challenged (even threatened!) by her beloved partner's gender transition.

I don't know. Perhaps I am being a starry-eyed optimist here, but it is sad to see this happen to you. If she can come to see that you are fundamentally still you, the person that she fell in love with and married, but with transition you will be a happier you, a more fulfilled and satisfied you, and that your own change does not change at all who she is. If she can allow herself to take that leap of logic, then maybe this loving, supporting relationship/partnership could be preserved in a different, yet even better way.

Amanda, I hope the best for you and your wife. This news breaks my heart.

Karen

[Robin414]

I 'feel you'; I've been treated for testicular cancer and I truly think I'm becoming a woman. .
I love it personally and my wife is ok but it's still tough!!!

[arbon]

I don't understand how she can't see I'm just going to be the same person she's enjoyed, only happier.

If it were only that simple!

I think there are some people who are so gifted to see beyond all the physical, mental, emotional, and all the other changes and still find the same person they always knew. But I think it is rare. I know for my wife she feels that her husband died. He's gone. And now she has this erratic self absorbed overly emotional woman that she has absolutely no attraction to as a spouse, partner, co-parent. I'm not the person she thought she was married to for all those years. We are good friends still and support each other but it cannot be what it once was between us. Transitioning is a big deal, you change in a lot of ways. Its a lot to hope our loved ones will be able still see us as the same person because your probably not going to be very much at all like him and when all is done.

[Inna]

But!

I can only speak for my self, yet I find no resemblance of her to that false built facade of a former expression of masculine performance and the genetic body which was as regretful as foreign.
True, I still remember all the facets of existence, but no longer within the texture of enslaved performer.
Things he did he did so because of pressure to survive, to fit, to express manliness and not to be self!

so in fact you see, "I am not the same person by a thousand lives"

Science also had proven that our cognitive, neuroconnective mapping does change due to hrt. We truly become the "new being"
and with the release of limiting factors, when we set our SELF free, we become, for the first time, "I"

I per say do not like to link transition to the process as for me it only reflects superficial level of existence.
We do not transition, we awake from the nightmare into life.

to expect others to see us as the same is to ask what was asked of us when we were just a child, to be who we appeared to be, but we were not.
The highest level of love is that of unconditional gift, to need that loved one by our side is to condition them upon our own ego for comfort. Letting go is in fact love!

Love them, release them and let them love us, or not!

[Amanda22]

Inna, I've thought so much about what you wrote and have read it many times. Your text is profound. And very helpful. I'm struggling to keep my sanity. Just sold our house tonight and have to be out in 30 days. My wife already bought a place of her own a couple of days ago. I'm going to rent an apartment for a year, then figure out where I want to live.

[Heidi Stevens]

Hey Amanda, so much has happened since we met last fall! I do hope when the moving dust settles you take a breather and evaluate your position. Jorja is correct in taking some time to let things work themselves out. You'll have to put some time in a RLE period before any surgeries can happen, but I know you'll review your options and work towards your chosen goal. You seemed to have a lot of support there in Chattanooga, if the wife has no objection, I'd consider staying in familiar confines for now. Best of luck to you my friend!

[flatlander_48]

A:

Change is difficult but great change is often easier than we think. I say that because when we are really convinced that great change is necessary, it becomes a done deal. There's no second guessing and no turning back. It simply MUST happen. The changes that you are planning for and working towards MUST happen because anything less would just not be enough.

So, best of everything to both of you despite how painful it may be. It probably sounds trite to say "No Pain, No Gain.", but often that is precisely how it works out.

Better Days Ahead,

DeeAnn

[LoriFlores]

Thank you for sharing. I see so many similarities in the path that I'm attempting to travel.

[Contessa]

Hi Amanda

Honestly I am not sure if we could remember each other. I just think of every time I read another persons story I think we're pretty much the same. I am just reading my own story only I didn't write it. Congrats anyway and good luck on your journey.
Tess

[PaulaQ]

The bad news is that while my wife strongly supports me transitioning, she doesn't want to be married to a woman. I don't understand how she can't see I'm just going to be the same person she's enjoyed, only happier. But the key is that I'll have breasts and no male genitals.

The thing is, though, you most likely won't be exactly the same person. The question is how different will you be? And whether or not she can deal with it depends on what it is about your personality that she considers to be you. I mean, what's the point of going through all of this if you are just the same person on the other side? Thing is, you won't be a woman pretending to be a man. You'll just be a woman. That really is a very different thing. You'll interact with people differently, you'll see the world a little differently. You'll communicate differently. You may change your speech, your mannerisms. Even if all you change is your clothing - that is a form of communication too.

Your wife may be balking at the anatomical details of all this - and many people would. But I bet if she hung around, she'd find her way of dealing with you to be quite different, and that might actually be the more bothersome change.

Of course, it's possible that you really will be very nearly the same person post transition. I can't speak for anyone else but myself, but I find I am very different in many ways now from the person I used to be. I didn't let very much of the person I really was show through. Turns out, most of the stuff people recognized about me, with a few exceptions, wasn't real.

I'm really sorry you and your wife are splitting up. It sounds at least reasonably amicable though. I'm glad of that for you. It's often pretty ugly, so all things considered, this is the best case for a bad outcome, I think. At least I hope it works out that way for you.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Remember, you can't have it both ways.
You are not the same person, otherwise you wouldn't be putting yourself through this. As Paula points out, you will almost certainly find over time that what you feel is natural and true is actually going to profoundly change your relationships with others.
I'm only saying it because I hope you don't on to the thought that you don't understand "how she can't see...."..
You can help her by truly understanding that her view of the practical reality of all this is actually spot on.

Overall this sounds like a really good outcome for you. I found over the years that my own feelings for my exwife never changed, however, i realized over time that my feelings were those of a friend.
I think part of that is that my sexuality is not about women and perhaps for those of us that love women its totally different and therefore much more difficult to let go.

[Jessicajane]

you already look one very pretty woman, heaven only knows what hormones will make you look like....next James Bond girl...?...hope and trust the journey from here on in is amazing for you...good look with it all and I pray that you and your partner find strength from the fact you can quite easily commit & love a person totally regardless of the gender xx

[CostaRicaRachel]

It sounds as if you are making a lot of progress. Congratulations. I believe this is the most important step.
Accept who your are and beginning the process of becoming that person. I hope everything works out for you.
Please keep us updated on how it is going.

I, myself, am still in the confusion phase.