Hello Friends!
Yipes! I've been away a WHILE... I'm SO SORRY! I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season!! As mentioned, I teach (technical anatomy for artists) and the last semester REALLY kept me on my toes! Ah well, such is life in academia...
Things here in Wednesdayland have been up and down, as they are want to be when one is navigating the ins and outs of all things "transgender." I say that, because I have been frustrated with where I fit in all this. A few months ago, September and I began attending a monthly TG support group. In one room, all the spouses and partners and family members meetup to talk through their struggles and in another room are women transitioning to men, men transitioning to women and a few crossdressers.
It's mostly a social get together. We discuss trans issues, personal victories... healthcare. Have cookies... It's nice. If you have access to such a group, I highly recommend it. For myself, it not only has helped me feel more connected but also has given me some real-world perspective of life outside the closet. Usually, we go out for drinks after. It's cool.
I say ups and downs, because I often feel like the odd girl out. I have already tried transitioning and after a VERY painful year, decided that NO, that's not for me. Drag isn't it either... I'm not a caricature or a performer, I'm just a grrl trying to live her life. I'm not in this because of the clothes, except that they help me shed my male ego and allow me the freedom to explore my fem self. Sure, I want to look my best and enjoy fashion but mostly because blending in is my goal. I don't want to be harassed or mocked or worse and thus far, it has been that way. I go out with September or friends or as part of a group or solo and it's a non issue.
I'm grateful for that.
But my need to present as female is sporadic. If I averaged it out, I'd say that a third -- sometimes more, sometimes less -- of my time is in some variant of "Wednesday mode." The rest of the time, I find that I'm mostly content as male me. Ish.
So where does that leave me?
It's not a fetish... I don't get a sexual thrill out of being dressed... It's more emotional for me, more of a state of mind... an exploration of a part of me that I am still getting to know. So I've been away trying to figure it out.
On my journey, I met Kit. She is a blogger, educator and musician. We seem cut from the same cloth -- when she writes, it's like she's peeked at my diary. If you are of similar ilk, check this out: cdmanifesto(dot)wordpress(dot)com.
And comment below.
XOX
