New girlfriend found my lingerie drawer

[kaylyn]

I am a 21 mtf crossdresser and have been dating this girl for about a week. I invited her over to my place to hang out and watch movies and I cooked for her. After a few drinks and other activities in the bedroom she wanted to take a shower and I showed her where my bathroom was and let her take one. I was cleaning the kitchen she she walked out of the bathroom holding a handful of my panties and two bras and demanded to know who they belonged to. In my tipsy panic I said they were my ex girlfriends that she never came back to get. She is very open and I want to tell her that I crossdress but I'm worried that if I do she will be angry I lied or freaked out by the fact that that was mine. Any ideas on how to handle this situation without causing damage to the relationship?

[bridget thronton]

Only you know who to tell - lies are not always forgiven

[prene]

I cannot tell u what to do.

I told mine when she found girls clothes at my place. It was hard though.

[Marcelle]

Hi Kaylyn,

Tough call. I am big advocate on only revealing when you are ready to do so. However, she kind of caught you but it does seem you recovered in a "general sense". I am not sure how easily she bought the "ex girlfriend" story so I asked my wife what she would have thought if she were your GF (I did not mention your name or circumstances - it was a general question). She indicated if you had just recently broke up with your ex-GF, a couple of weeks at most it is plausible she would have bought the story as you may not have had time to get rid of those things. But if has been a significant amount of time and depending on the amount of undies (was there a lot) it is highly unlikely you would have kept them. I have to agree. If I had an ex-GF who left her undies at my place, I would have boxed them and sent them back or tossed them within a few weeks. So, if it is longer, my wife indicated she would be more inclined to believe: (1) you have another girl on the side and those are her undies (minimal amount); (2) they are yours, for whatever reason (a lot of undies).

Hugs

Isha

[Robert]

I guess it depends if you are comfortable starting a new relationship with a great big lie from the get go.

If you reveal the clothes as being your own, and it is a deal killer, then so be it. Some might argue that you will have dodged a bullet. If the reveal is not a big deal, then there will never be a time in the future where you will be confronted with both your cross dressing and a great big lie. And, of the two the lie will be the most destructive.

[charlenesomeone]

Lots of great info here and search the site too. Its you that knows your situation but based on the facts
you put here, it would seem that if you think this may be a relationship that continues then you need to
come clean as it were. Best of luck.

[prettytoes]

That reminds me of an old joke...
Two old friends were in the locker room at the gym. When they were changing, one of the guys was wearing pink lacy panties. The other guy commented "I didn't know you wore women's underwear...when did that start?" His friend replied "when my wife found these in my glove box!"

Probably best to come clean now...I would apologize for lying, and then explain to her that they are yours. The longer you wait, the harder it gets.

[Robert]

I'd also be questioning why she felt she had the right to go looking through your personal items and then confront you with what she found. That would probably be a deal killer for me.

Letting someone use your shower doesn't, IMHO, confer the right for them to root around in your drawers, read your diary, or hack into your computer. YMMV

[Kate Simmons]

Lesson learned is that for whatever reason a woman is going to find stuff like that. They are more willing to believe that it belonged to a Ex rather than the logical alternative. If you have female clothes around they will be found, remember that.

[Katey888]

I have to agree with Robert... I know I'm from a <slightly> earlier generation, but I wouldn't expect a new GF to start taking possession of any drawer space after a week, nor go rooting around uninvited...

Humourously, you could say that they were simply the bait to trap uninvited drawer inspectors...

Seriously, if this is a serious relationship you would want to fins a way of telling her at some time... but just one week in... You could break up in another few weeks and what if she decides that a confidence is worth nothing towards you then... Who might she tell...????

Settle the relationship before you reveal - a week is too short...

Katey x

[jami]

Ask her how she feels about alternative lifestyles and lead into crossdressers if she is receptive

[Caden Lane]

Well, lots of great advice. Lots of cause for concern. And you are only one week in. So not a lot invested in her at this point. However she has already indicated she feels obliged to snoop into your life, so where else and when else will she snoop? Will your lie be uncovered by additional snooping? Just keep in mind, that so many single women have been burned so many times these days, they feel obligated to snoop on prospective boyfriends. I'm sure many have background checks run, and if your CD life crosses paths with your drab life, there is simply no telling what an online background check would reveal.

As I said earlier, you are only one week in. Nothing really invested. Take a leap, see what she says. If its not for her, you found out early, and you've really lost nothing. The only downside is if she travels within your same social circles. She may not keep your confidence.

My alarms go off that she feels like she can snoop so blatantly. But you may have a different tolerance for such a thing. For all I know, you put it there hoping it may be discovered. Often, we do a lot of things in the hopes of making the accidental reveal. Its a subconscious mechanism of fear.

But in the end, all any of us can do is offer advice, not make the decision for you. As a single crossdresser, you do need to figure out the how and when to tell a prospective mate. Entering into a LTR without a plan will certainly doom you and/ or your dressing to some of the horror stories you've certainly seen here. So you've got to be asking yourself some very serious questions here, and soon, and it's only for the best that you be completely honest with yourself, so you can be honest with any future Mrs. in your life.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lanr

[kimdl93]

You've known her a week and she's snooping in drawers? A week and she's already asking 'who is she?" I would consider this a red flag. And I wouldn't tell a new girlfriend only a week into an acquaintance.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

At 21 I think you can safely assume you will find another girlfriend. Be honest. If she accepts it she's a keeper. If she doesn't... er, does she know your social circle? I guess if she's mean she might out you...but you haven't given us much info.

Good luck either way, and get a better hiding place!

[AnnieMac]

Naw, don't tell her. You covered it great! At age 21, girlfriends come and go anyway. Enjoy her company while it lasts! If she is curious about it she will bring it up again, then maybe you can tell her you kept your ex's stuff there because you kind of have a thing for lingerie, but then she brought it up and it will be easier, and she may even think it's hot because it was her idea. Honestly, I think This forum gives us a false sense of security and convinces too many people to blow their relationships (and sometimes lives) up when it is unnecessary.

[AmandaM]

You've been dating her for a week and she has the gall to demand who they belong to? Jealous much?

[UNDERDRESSER]

2 choices, keep on with the lie, and eventually she will ask "why haven't you got rid of those" or worse, she will realise the drawer is getting fuller, or has been re-arranged. Now what do you do? She obviously goes through your stuff, how long do you think you can hide it?

Other choice, tell her. Maybe she is OK with it, maybe not. Best find out now. If her knowing could put you in a bind, i.e. she goes round telling everyone, what will that do? What's the worst? probably won't be, the worst, but your decision as to which route you take.

How did she find it anyway?

[Isabella Ross]

If the relationship is casual and you don't think it's going to go anywhere serious, keep a lid on it. If you really like her and think the feeling is mutual, just remember Bill Clinton's gaff (not the one we wear): if he'd gotten out in front of his cigar escapade as Dave Letterman did, things wouldn't have ended so poorly for him...

[Tracii G]

This is just me you do what you want but I would tell her you want nothing to do with her just because she went thru your stuff.
Maybe she learn you just don't do things like that.
Ask her how she would feel if you did that to her?
She just showed she can't be trusted so who's to say she won't do other things.

[NicoleScott]

There won't be a better time than now to have that talk. If your relationship blows up because of it, now is better than later. It only gets more complicated if you wait. That is, as Isabella you said, if you think the relationship might go somewhere.

[carhill2mn]

I would think twice about getting into a relationship with someone who would be looking in my dresser drawers the first time she is at your house.

[Judith96a]

Yep, I think it's time that she discovered the kerb!

[Sissy_Michelle]

Kaylyn,
So your new girlfriend found your lingerie drawer. Then she dug out your panties and bras and confronted you with them, and you lied to her... Easiest way out is to tell her the truth now since y'all are just starting out. Better to start with the truth, if she find out on her own or looked at the sizes of the garments before she confronted you. You are already in trouble.

@--}---
Michelle

[Tamara Croft]

She shouldn't be going through your things at an early stage like that, it's beyond disrespectful and down right rude. I would have told her to put them back and mind her own damn business.... Don't think this one is a keeper, I agree with Judith, time she did discover that kerb

Oh Sissy Michelle, listen to yourself... she has to justify why she has a draw full of lingerie to a nosy new g/f? I don't think so, she shouldn't be going through the things in the first place.... She might have lied, but the new g/f just broke the 'TRUST' line...

[Annaliese]

Come clean now, if it does go to the next level and she find out, then it more lies. Tell her just what you told us.