I need cheering up

[TinaZ]

You all are simply amazing people and I'm so happy to have you in my life! I'll try not to gush too much, but some of your responses literally brought tears to my eyes (this time in a good way!)

I have to remind myself I'm less than a year into this adventure (outwardly dressing), and so some of these emotions I'm going through are new, or newly discovered, and some of them feel down right raw. But it's all part of the experience and this journey is all I have, so I'm trying to appreciate them in that way.

Thanks again, all of you. I asked you to cheer me, and I think what did so the most was this fantastic reminder that we have each other for support. That fact is not lost on me one bit.

[Rhonda Jean]

Glad you're feeling better, girl.

As you've heard from others, balance is the key. Easy to say, hard to do.

Having been at this for a long time I'll speak from my own experience. YMMV.

It's often difficult to distinguish between wants and needs. Sometimes we want something so bad it feels like a need, or becomes one. I've also been guilty of hoping that there was some invisible/undetectable force at play. A cause not within my control. Kinda removing responsibility from myself. I was looking for a powerful excuse or reason. One so powerful that it would be unreasonable or impossible to resist. In some ways I created a dislike for my male side to further reinforce the feminine.

Now decades into this and with plenty of time and opportunity to dress however I want, it no longer matters to me whether it's a need or just an incredibly self-indulgent desire. I love it! That's why I do it! Also, I've figured out that I won't lose my cd privileges or even reduce my enjoyment of it if I admit to actually enjoying my "other" life.

This all contributes to finding a very workable balance. It's not perfect, and it's always a series of compromises, but for me it works. I still fight always wanting more and more, but that, too, is OK. Peer pressure is part of it, and much of it comes from right here on this board. So many pretty girls, so many situations that seem so much better than our own. Jealousy.

Sometimes it seems that when it becomes a need, it quits being just FUN. Keep the fun.

[JessicaJHall]

I know what would cheer you up, my pics and story from Monday, but no one will ever see the pics!! And as for the story, I too got delayed by the kids, and it was dark before I was camera ready, and let's just say I looked like I did my makeup in the dark, (clowny frowny face ) and my new boots I was sooo excited about were hideous!! And too big!! Not possible!
So commiserations Tina! You can at least be glad you are not me. But it's almost next Monday, and I'm going to keep plugging away!! Chin up girl!!

[justmetoo]

Aw, Tina, your response brought a tear to my eye. I'm glad we could help!

[CynthiaD]

Tina:

Here are a couple of things to think about.

Your children will grow up quickly. More quickly than you could ever imagine. They will move out an leave you wondering where that little girl or boy went. Enjoy them while they are here.

Second, do you like yourself as Tina? Put all the judgmental stuff aside and answer honestly. If Tina makes you a better person, then why hide that part of yourself. Can you be Tina without dressing the part? Or is that just too hard?

Personally, I have a hard time when I'm not able to dress, so I really sympathize with you. I'm Cynthia all the time, but it's a lot easier when I can dress the part.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Tina,
Oh that moment in the mirror. Damn it can be quite a shock!
I don't know where your head is at right now, but def. let the
experience settle a bit before you get to carried away with any
decisions.
One other thing .... Ask yourself " What would Buggs Bunny Do?"
Cheer up!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[flatlander_48]

TZ:

I don't think we ever are 2 different people, unless some sort of serious mental illness is involved. I think all of our sensibilities, likes, dislikes, etc. are always there regardless of what veneer we're under for the moment. However, what I think does happen is that a female persona may facilitate letting some parts of us rise to the surface or rise more completely that it usually would. My parallel for this is what happens when in an hypnotic state. You can't get someone to do something that is against their true nature. So, even though we may adopt a female persona, we're not a different person. You may look at the world through different eyes, but you bring X number of decades of your male persona along with you.

[Ally 2112]

As some of the ladies have said balance is important and life can get in the way .Have fun and enjoy it when you have the chance

[bimini1]

It's a conundrum alright. One that can easily drive you up a wall and away from any kind of peace of mind. Take your time and don't totally freak out. How far out there are you and how much time have you been able to spend in Tina mode consecutively?
Sometimes you can really think you want something and when you get it you find it's not what you really wanted in the first place. The more you are denied that which you feel you want, the more you seem to want it. In other words, you can never get enough of what you don't really want.

Now if it's really you, all of you is really Tina then that is something else. For years I thought the femme me is the real me, point blank. Only to find that the real me is both the male and female side. And it happened pretty early into the true journey of blossoming out. I drifted totally into the femme. My wife and I split up for a couple of years due to job relocation and I lived alone before moving to where she was. The only time I wasn't dressed during that time was to get up and go to work. And now that we are together with a young child in tow I hardly get to dress at all except for a couple hours here and there.
I think back to that time when I was alone and ask which time was I happiest. Probably a toss up, but I feel I had to make a choice for my family. So we live and try to do what we feel is best for us, our situations.
I wish you peace on your journey towards who you are.

[rocketscientist]

Hi Sweetie! I had written this long pithy reply that I carefully and thoughtfully worded the other day. I fell asleep before I finished it and lost it before I could hit reply! Anyway, I'll try to sum it up in a shorter version anyway! What you are feeling is completely normal and most of us have these feelings from time to time. As has been said it is about balance. It's about integrating the best parts of both sides into a more complete person. I believe you will come to the point where you can easily morph seamlessly into either or. Go back and read some of my first posts. It was similar to what you are going thru. It seemed a fight inside for my time and energies. I finally realized (with the sage advice from the support here) that my inner girl was always and always will be there. My femme self is present in everything I do, even in drab mode. We just get better at hiding it from others as we have been conditioned to most of our lives. I don't feel the need anymore to force either side into a compromise. Just take it as it comes and always be mindful of your true priorities. What are those you may ask? Well I would say family, your own well being, friends, work, etc. Only you can determine the proper order for your situation. But know this, your friends will ALWAYS be HERE for YOU! Big hugs, your friend Tonya Now go make another ukulele video dammit! LOL

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Oh dear Tina,

I suspect that your moment in the mirror is one that many of us here have experienced; I know that I certainly have. I was able to dress up yesterday for most of the day after over 6 weeks of not being able to dress at all and it was heavenly bliss while it lasted. Fortunately I had enough time that it allowed me to be comfortable going back to male mode when that was required (not that I was happy about it). Balance between the yin and yang was restored somewhat by having enough time to be Stephanie.

I don’t know the answer to our fundamental problem of how best to express our femme side without blowing the minds of friends and family and business associates but I do know that having just some amount of time to be fully femme on a regular basis allows me a peace of mind that gives some degree of balance to my life. But of course in practice I find it almost impossible to get that time on a regular basis.

Some good advice in this forum and all I can really add is to recommend that you try to protect your Monday Tina time as well as possible, you deserve it girl! Don’t deny that part of you as it will not disappear. Efforts to suppress the girl within will be met with severe opposition. And besides we need our regular dose of our gender-non-conforming ukulele star around here!

Hugs,
Steph