Is passing the ultimate goal?

[Katey888]

Do you think this rings true for most people or does it depend on what you personally like at the beginning of your transition into cross-living?

I'm not sure everybody absorbs this aspect of your question, Rach...

Is your premise that this is about CDers who will ultimately transition in some way? If so, I could only imagine you will receive affirmation that folk do ultimately want to be seen as a woman because that is who they feel they are inside.

Outside of transitioning TG/CD folk, we clearly have people who CD but have no desire to blend in, but this is about them presenting as they feel they both need and have a right to, without offending anyone... so in the generic CD world I think we have a mix of motivations, from very mixed gender presentations right through to social cosplayers and DQs who may look passable or a parody of female presentation, but whose motivations are quite different.

If you're cross-living, then I would have expected passing = presenting as who you really are..

Katey x

[Seana Summer]

I would say it depends on which category of CD you are asking. For the first 30 years of my crossdressing life I never had a wig or makeup or accessories but I happily crossdressed at home when ever I could. Passing or blending was never even a thought. From what I've read here I wasn't alone then and I'm not alone now that I have a wig and makeup and accessories and happily crossdress at home without worrying in the slightest if I pass. I go out to events a couple of times a year, and I try my best to blend with whatever the event theme is, but I don't really pass or blend as a GG. And I'm perfectly happy knowing that.

I agree with Taylor. I know passing is a goal for most and the ultimate goal of many, but certainly not everyone. It seems very difficult to think of all Crossdressers as being similar.

[victoria76]

For me, passing is important. But I rarely go out...
I hope that can change. I would love to go out and pass!

[AllieSF]

Once I accepted that I enjoy dressing up as a woman, I decided that I needed to go out dressed as one. Once I had gone out a few times I realized that it was a lot of fun every time I was out. Once I realized that I really enjoyed the fun, I decided to try to go out as much as possible. So, my true goal is to have fun, a type of happiness. To attain the most of that when going out dressed as a woman, I quickly realized that I needed to emulate what I saw and liked about women's styles. That means that passing/blending to me is a tool to reach my ultimate goal of continuing to have a lot of fun going out.

[Caden Lane]

My goal is to simply be authentic to who I am. While being passable comes with perks, like not being ostracized simply because somebody clocks us, if we fail to meet that internal metric, then we are the one who pays for that emotional failure. But if our metric is to be authentic to ourselves, we win every time.

Ever & Always,
A striving for authenticity Caden Lane

[JeanneF]

It depends on how you define passing. With my build, it'll be a challenge to ever be able to pass 100%. But I am perfectly happy to be a reasonably attractive trans girl who is authentic to myself. I've never had about issues going out in public, I probably get some whispers of "is that a guy?", but I'm being me and that's all that matters.

[Sarah-RT]

My ultimate goal would simply to be included in "girl talk" such as when I'm out at a bar with friends that the girls could turn and compliment an article of clothing and me to them, or being invited to go shopping, basically just one of the girls

[NicoleScott]

No. My ultimate goal is to achieve the look I desire, which has little to do with passing.

[Erika Lyne]

I would love to pass but that would probably mean that my wardrobe would be less skirts and dresses. If you look around, most women are not wearing what I would like to wear out. I do dress conservatively, age appropriate and not trashy. I would like to be able to dress this way more and to do so out but a woman even in a modeate dress in Wal Mart would even draw attention.

Hugs!
-E

[Beverley Sims]

Passing is just one facet of what we do.
I just try not to be conspicuous and blend in.

[Diane Smith]

I love to dress up, but "passing" seems to be more a matter of overall shape, size and mannerisms than anything to do with clothes and makeup. I am fairly thin and have relatively long hair and nails for a guy, and I get "ma'amed" at first glance at drive-up windows and store checkout lanes probably half the time. At first it caught me by surprise, but now I make it a bit of a game -- and the irony is that it works more often, the less I consciously try to appear femme.

My conclusion is that passing -- or electing not to care whether you do -- comes almost entirely from within, and all the external trappings we love to talk about here don't really make that much of a difference. Almost like "crossdressing" (in the technical, practical sense) and "passing" are two entirely different objectives, that can be enjoyed either separately or together, may or may not overlap for all people, and probably shouldn't be conflated so often in our conversations here.

As for me, I always assume I don't pass, and choose my venues and activities so that I don't have to worry about it. But I have to admit it's a treat when I do get read as female.

- Diane

[Allisa]

I agree with Katey, I dress a lot in the very mixed gender category so passing is not my goal just being me and comfortable in my skin is my goal, there are times when I dress to express my femme self but I doubt that I pass, just blend enough to get double takes and maybe a snide remark within ear shot, but who cares I'm enjoying myself.

[prene]

For me passing is the Ultimate Goal.

If I can 100% pass, then my fears of transitioning and not to be labeled would be gone.
Who know where I would go from there.
Only me and my therapist know. LOL

[scarletcd]

I guess the main goal is to feel comfortable in what we wear.
Passing is important to me. As I am taking steps to live full time 'blending in' has become a focus.

[Cindy J Angel]

Whin i started it was about dressing and play time ( bed room fun). As time went on it became more. Out with the trashy clothes and in with just clothes. Now it is all about passing. As time moves on some of us start to find out that we r not cdrs and that we are more ts,tg. Some all ready know. The fear keeps us under cover. once u get over that the door opens some move on to more and some just stay as thay r. For me i have come to realize that i am a womam. And over the last 3 years i have been workjng on my self to look more like a woman. And so far i getting mamed miss gender quit a lot even dress as a man or dress some what as a man. I love it when it happens. It happened just list night with the wife and boy i get hammered Aver time. for some reason i got mad at the girl a young girl. I did not say anything but she knew i was mad. I even got mam at Advance Auto was getting master cylinder. I hqve learnd a lot i the last 3 years and the most important thing was confidence crap another touchdown yeah I'm watching the game. There r so many different shape size height woman and some look man out there. So confidence was the biggest thing plus a good makeup job lol well that's just my 2 cents love cindy

[Jeninus]

My thought is that...of course passing is the ultimate goal. Passing is what allows one to navigate through the world outside our homes en femme without seeing or sensing the scorn or bemusement on the faces of others, not to mention embarrassment in everyday interactions with cisgendered folk. Perhaps for some, being seen as a "Dude in a Dress" wondering around the mall or walking down the street when it is not Gay Pride Day is OK, but I suspect that they are way off to the side of the bell curve of this community.

Unfortunately, I suspect that for the vast majority of us, no matter how meticulous we prepare our presentation, it is unlikely we would ever be accepted as just another gal by a group of women in a close social grouping. For most of us, it is always our fate to be the kid with his nose pressed against the window of the candy store, looking in.

On the other hand, if you observe GGs in their day to day lives, on the street, in the shops or in businesses, there is little that you see that should arouse intense envy. For the most part they are just slogging along day by day - just like us - wearing clothes that most CDers would find utterly boring and with little attention to their hair and makeup. However, when you see the occasional woman dressed the way we would like to dress, it can just make your whole day.

[KlaireLarnia]

Passing was not and will never be my ultimate goal. I simply want to wear whatever I like, whenever I like and I am about 90% there now.

[AnnalieseH]

Like many others, my physical size will always be a challenge to passing. I've only gone out in public eye once. I got a few looks, but nothing crazy. I was nervous as heck but it was exhilarating. I have a very deep voice, large hairy hands and arms. I'm basically built like a truck, Ford tough. There is nothing that makes me feel as good as when I dress. Will I ever get to the stage of passing and considering a transformation, who knows. I enjoy what I'm doing. I plan on expanding and going out in public more but the voice and manly physical features do bother me.

[MelanieAnne]

I wouldn't call passing an ultimate goal. But if you can pass, or give it a pretty good try, you will have fewer problems, than if you look like one of the Budweiser boys.

[JessicaFoxx]

With my baby face and curly hair i can pass, even if i wear men's clothing. I don't know how this is possible. but somehow i confused a couple of people for being a women., but passing isn't my ultimate goal i just want to wear what i want to and be comfortable.

[Rachael Leigh]

While for me passing is important it's not everything, like some have said I just want be out and comfortable in the clothes I choose. If that's a skirt or just workout shorts. There just clothes and wearing the makeup just is a part of the deal

[rach2893]

Amazing to see everyones thoughts on this!

I guess everyones circumstances are different but being comfortable in your own skin is the biggest reward as far as I'm concerned

[Kate Simmons]

I've said it before that if you blend and no one else knows you are dressing, what is accomplished really? I would more think that the accomplishment would be others knowing you are dressing and accepting you for that regardless.

[Krisi]

If I blend and no one else knows I are dressing, I have met my goal of being taken for a woman. I am an actor and I have played my part perfectly.

Anyone can throw on an outfit and walk down the street calling attention to him/herself. That takes no thought and no skill. Passing or blending does take thought and skill and if you pull it off, you have accomplished something to be proud of.

[bobbief]

No, I personally believe that more important is the feeling of being female, and the accompanying sense of freedom, joy and even fun. That's it for me, "passing" is secondary. Good luck!