Is passing the ultimate goal?

[rach2893]

A few people I have spoken to have said that for them being accepted as a female by the world comes from mostly being able to blend in and therefore being able to pass unnoticed as a female is the goal.

One in particular said that when she first transitioned she thought she had to dress like a porn star to pass as female but as time went by and she became more comfortable with herself and realised that she could dress more 'causal' that she was accepted more as a woman than when she was trying to be ultra fem.

Do you think this rings true for most people or does it depend on what you personally like at the beginning of your transition into cross-living?

[heather ann martin]

Discovering I could pass in public as a woman was such a relief. It meant I could start living full time as the woman I'd longed to be all my life.

[Claire Cook]

I don't know about "passing", but I'm just more comfortable wearing what the other women around me are wearing. That means casual clothes -- slacks, jeans, capris or shorts, and nice tops. If I'm accepted as "me", either as a female or as a guy who seems very comfortable in the clothes he is wearing (and probably looks OK), that I guess is my "ultimate goal".

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rach, I have been a Girl Watcher almost forever and one thing that I've noticed
is that GGs' come in all sizes, shapes & styles and by a CDs' standards some of them
don't seam to pass even that they are GGs'.

[kimdl93]

I have never set passing as my goal. I just want to peaceably go about my business like anyone else. I dress to the setting and style I see other women wearing and hope to blend in reasonably well. If it's the mall, it's casual. A trip to dinner or the theatre, something more dressy.

Beyond that I just don't think that some people's ideas of feminine are particularly realistic. If one's definition of women comes from beer commercials, it's going to be a bit skewed and sexualized.

[Marcelle]

Hi there,

For me it is not about passing or being seen as a woman but being able to express who I am to the world. Do I pass? Not in a million years. Do I blend? Yes at least until someone comes in for a second look or I have to interact up close and personal. My day to day interactions in the Vanilla world bring me in close proximity to many people and when that happens the "blending" ceases and people see me for who I am . . . a guy. I am fine with that and that is my only true goal . . . to be able to do what I need to do on those days when I am dressed "en femme". If people see a woman passing by them and think no different, that is fine. However, if people see a guy and think "WTF" or "to each his/her own" . . . that is fine as well.

Hugs

Isha

[Teresa]

Rach,
As a young person living in London passing is going to be so different to someone of my age living out in the sticks !
You don't have much to lose having fun with your CDing ! At your age I had a GF who was into my CDing so we had a lot of fun ! The problem is I thought all women were accepting but few are, that's when life starts to get complicated !

[lynda]

hi, i just have to say claira and isha your smiling faces when i see both of you make me smile, i just try to bleand nowadays,im an older person now,and if i pass im flattered i dont think people look that close at me. i think they just think im an older women,not checking me out thats for the young babes .love hugs lynda

[Cheryl T]

I feel that at times I "pass" and others I don't. For the most part it's not about that for me, it's about being me and expressing who I really am. If I pass that's a bonus, but I'll take acceptance any day of the week.
I've found that as my confidence level in who I am and how I express that has grown so has my acceptance in the public eye. Luckily I've never had a bad experience and I have had a few wonderfully accepting ones.
I'm sure we would all love to "pass" 100% but few of us meet the criteria of the average woman. Many are too tall, or too heavy or just don't have feminine features. Whatever our personal "flaw" may be we just need to hold our head high, be confident, personable and unafraid.

[Rogina B]

Along with what everyone else has mentioned,I will add the "being comfortable in your own skin" gives off a vibe that leads to acceptance and sometimes inclusion.

[Mia27]

I feel very comfortable when i dress up, and almost more alive. I love it! But when I do dress up, I do want to look passable, I want to forget my guy side, and be as femme as possible! It isn't so much for sexual reasons, its more for the feel of escape and relaxation. I do not like my guy and girl sides to mix in any way, I never have. So I guess I would have to say yes, my ultimate goal would be to be as passable as I can

[Krisi]

If "passing" means looking like a woman to folks on the street (and to myself in the mirror of photos) then yes, passing is my goal. If I walk through the mall or down the street and people don't turn around for a second look or stare then I've met my goal.

[weekend woman]

I know that I will never "PASS" but at my age, 62, I dress reasonably close to my age and am happy if no one notices. I know I'm doing OK if I don't hear "Oh! that's a man!"

[Dianne S]

Passing is a big deal for me. I have a huge advantage in that my height is well within the normal range for GG's... in fact, it's near the bottom of that range. It's important for me to pass or at least blend because I plan on going 24x7 and I really don't want too many hassles. So far, so good...

[GretchenJ]

A few people I have spoken to have said that for them being accepted as a female by the world comes from mostly being able to blend in and therefore being able to pass unnoticed as a female is the goal?

This is a trick question, like what should be the spark plug gap on a 67 Chevrolet Corvair. (Sorry for the outdated My Cousin Vinny Reference).

Its a cause and effect scenario. To me, the goal is not to pass or blend, but rather to assimilate myself in my environment, wherever I decide to venture out. So, the ultimate goal is acceptance.

So for acceptance, the ability to blend is a huge hammer in my toolkit. I would like to be passable, but even on a perfect day, my height and body type throws up the initial yellow flags that will bring up the red flags upon closer inspection.

So here is my take on acceptance vs blending ( hope I get the point across ).

Blending implies being invisible in the crowd. Acceptance has these 3 main points.

a) when I look good, a random gesture by a stranger ( a door held open, a salutation as a miss or ma'am, a compliment on my outfit or a general small talk or hi - genuine, not a test to hear my voice to confirm a suspicion) is the ultimate goal.

b) but when I look just ok, my ultimate goal is to venture out, browse a little, get a bite to eat, without being pointed out, or double looked , or snickered at by anyone, this would be my ultimate goal on that day.

c) when I go out, on my occasional what the hell days, and I know I am getting clocked, (usually by the kiosk vendors at the mall), the ultimate goal may be a double look, but no smirks or comments , or humiliating laughter, perhaps acknowledgement of what I am, but appreciation in a least attempting to put together a good presentation

[bridget thronton]

I am happy when I am treated kindly regardless of my store (I do enjoy being ma'amed though)

[MsVal]

Like Rogina, my goal is personal satisfaction and comfort. Passing plays a big role in that, but so do venue, physical and emotional condition, and time of day.

So, YES, passing is a component that enables the ultimate goal of satisfaction and comfort.

Best wishes
MsVal

[melyssadawn]

I'm well aware that for most situations there is no way on earth that people will mistake me for a GG , but for me I'd like to blend enough that I could go out to my car enfemme , have a drive around and maybe a walk without any undue attention. That's my aim at the moment but who knows , maybe Dermablend will come up with a wonder cream lol

[Closeted Kat]

I think my ultimate goal is merely to be happy with myself, whether dressed or not. Finding the happy medium. If being passable or blending in public was a step to help in that final goal then sure. I am me, and if i can learn to accept myself and how i look regardless of what mode i'm in, maybe the world can follow.

[CarlaWestin]

Passing is an ultimate outcome that really takes a lot of work on my part. I believe the ultimate goal beyond passing would be transitioning. That little seductive desire is constantly lurking in the background yet, there is no valid way I could transition without a full upheaval of my existence. I'd probably crossdress as a man if I did.

[Jackie Meyer]

I fully agree. Personally, passing helps with the insecurities we have. I think we all share the fear of people pointing and staring.

[DorothyElizabeth]

I think setting "passing" as a goal is mis-thinking our situation. I think that what most of us want is to be accepted. "Passing " is a means to that end.

@GretchenJ - I used to own and drive a 67 Corvair. As I recall the plug gap is supposed to be 0.028", and the points are set at .018". (I used to use a match book cover to set the points.)

[Stephanie Julianna]

Yes. It's that simple. As I posted in my latest thread, my experience after getting a new wig and doing some everyday things like grocery shopping was incredible because I could pass and be treated as any other woman doing her daily chores. Not looking bad while you are doing all this is a bonus. I try to dress as a classy but not ostentatious woman. For many of us getting "Mam'd" is simply wonderful. So, yes, passing is always my ultimate goal because than I can be relaxed and simply enjoy my time out without worry of exposure.

[Jodi]

I go by the adage that none of us are totally passable. We might fool someone at night or at a distance, but closeup inspection is always a giveaway. Therefore; my goal is to be presentable when I go out. For this--am I dressed correctly for the venue? Is my style similar to other gg's that are present? Are my behaviors, gestures and manners such that they do not stand out as different. With that said, I can go most any place and not have any problems. Passable? No, but I put enough doubt in the observer's mind that he/she is not sure.

Jodi

[Taylor186]

Is passing the ultimate goal?

I would say it depends on which category of CD you are asking. For the first 30 years of my crossdressing life I never had a wig or makeup or accessories but I happily crossdressed at home when ever I could. Passing or blending was never even a thought. From what I've read here I wasn't alone then and I'm not alone now that I have a wig and makeup and accessories and happily crossdress at home without worrying in the slightest if I pass. I go out to events a couple of times a year, and I try my best to blend with whatever the event theme is, but I don't really pass or blend as a GG. And I'm perfectly happy knowing that.