I have to get something off my chest and many people in this forum may not like it but I think it is important to say.
The CD world is one that I think we all know is very misunderstood and frankly suffers from the close-minded societal expectations of the male gender. HOWEVER, on a daily basis I come to this forum and am appalled, offended and frankly a little worried about some of the things I read. First of all, I understand this forum is a vent for many, I get it but it is also the first website that a scared SO or new dresser will find through google searching and THAT scares me after reading posts over the past year.
I have seen many confused posts, from new/young dressers as well as SO's that just had their lives altered forever finding out their husband or boyfriend wears female clothing. All too often the responses are so quick to diagnose the CDer as on a one way train to transitioning, that it is an ever growing monster from which no one can escape. This would scare the hell out of me if I had come here with no knowledge trying to decide if I can handle it.
Now, if, and this is a big if, I wasn't scared away by the impending, definitely going to happen transition that was diagnosed by random person, I surely would be once I read some of the advice given to each other in some posts. Just today I read posts complaining about limits, begging for acceptance, talking about how you cannot ever escape dressing and it will always spiral and the world doesn't understand and wives are unfair and and and
STOP IT! Please for the love of all things holy please stop and think about what you are saying and more importantly what you are telling the world. Here you are, a collectibles great group of people from all walks or life that just want the freedom to express themselves in the clothing that they prefer yet you are either completely intolerant of the feelings of your SO that is staying by your side but insisting on DADT, limits or boundaries, SERIOUSLY? I see the vast majority talk about how dressing makes you FEEL, yet you selfishly want to invalidate the feelings of an SO, child, friend, parent or other family?!? Yeah a perfect world no one would care or have any feeling whatsoever about what you wear, but that ain't the world we live in, so most likely your SO or whoever else is going to have an opinion and feelings about it, so deal with it. You don't get to decide how people feel, just like they don't get to decide what you prefer to wear. If you want someone to respect your choice of clothing you also have to respect their comfort level! I mean seriously, I prefer to not wear clothes at home, but my 4 teenagers feel more comfortable when I do, so I do! It isn't that they don't accept that I like being naked, it just makes them uncomfortable! I could seriously go on and on about this but I think you get my point.
The last point I have is quit hiding and lying! If you truly love your SO and respect her, give her the option to accept you, do not force her to live a lie, it is selfish and just wrong. If you think she wouldn't accept you or it would end the relationship, well, newsflash, it shouldn't be. What I mean is, if she doesn't love and respect you enough to accept you, why are you there?!?! I get it, you love her, but really, honestly, are either of you truly living a life of love if is full of lies? Imagine for just one minute how she would feel if tomorrow you were released from your mortal coil, what would that mean to her. Yeah yeah I hear you, but my hidden stash has a note explaining everything. She will be fine. Soooooo if you think she will be fine, TELL HER! I mean even the most accepting person in the world would have questions after finding that note but you are denying her the ability to ask ANYTHING, yet she will absolutely question EVERYTHING! If my SO hid it from me and I found a note and stash of female clothing I would wonder had I lived and loves a lie? Did he really love me? Was he gay? Why didn't he tell me? Did he think so little of me? The list of questions goes on and on
So, I say, how dare you deny this woman who you claim to love, respect and want to protect, the chance to actually know you, to be able to make a decision for herself and live a truly honest and fulfilled life. Give her the chance to make an informed decision on how she gets to live her life.
I am not saying drop everything and tell her now, but tell her! She deserves to know and YOU deserve to be accepted.