From a GG's perspective

[BillieAnneJean]

Sierra_Julieete,
My SO was totally thrown when I first discovered CDing just over two years ago. At the time we had been together well over forty years. I have been devoted to her since I first saw her, and I can tell you when, where, and what she was wearing and the colors too. That life changing moment will forever be etched in my mind. I have and continue to be totally faithful and infatuated with her and her only.

Because of her curiosity she mined this forum for information to understand my CDing. What she found was every bad and extreme viewpoint imaginable and less frequently, some reasonable and considerate viewpoints. So she was convinced that I was going to transition, have a sex change, like men, or become gay, that she was inadequate, that I would do this 24/7, whatever. But none of those things applied to me and I kept telling her and showing her so by my behavior. For over two years my life had been a living hell whenever she went on this site and found something new that upset her. Regardless of how outlandish it was. Regardless of how OBVIOUSLY inapplicable it was. Regardless of how many time we had discussed iy=t before. Because for her it seemed like the information she was acquiring showed her that her world was collapsing. CDing became the primary conversation and I was not initiating it. I had advised her before to stay off this site and just LISTEN TO ME. But she was convinced that like some on this forum, I was living a separate secret life. Even though the very minute I discovered CDing I was completely open to her. I discovered it while looking for a glamor photoshoot for her, not me, because she needs to see how I see her. But the glamor photoshoot was guys, it looked like fun, I showed her immediately. I asked for her permission to try it. I kept no secrets.

But she mined this forum and things got way out of any proportion for what I was feeling. Things would boil over. I could see it coming a day or two ahead. Then the explosion. But I had not changed. I was still doting on her, still opening doors for her, still doing everything like before. Still madly in love with her, still finding only her as desirable.

Things got really bad. I advised her again and again to stay off this forum. It was a source of information that was not representative of me nor the general CDer population. I know because I am a facilitator for a CDing social group. Most of the CDers are not radical.

The problem is NOT this forum nor the posts. This forum is for the purpose of communicating. The problem was squarely with her mining the wrong data. But an emotional non scientific person may be inclined to find data that supports their theory instead of finding all of the data or finding data that disputes their theory. The problem is with the data acquisition methods, not that the data was available. If it was the data available then the whole internet would have to be shut down and all encyclopedias destroyed.

Then we went on a vacation. I did not bring up CDing even once. I asked her to put CDing behind us and just have fun. I asked her to not bring it up. For eleven days we did not talk about CDing. Everything was like before the CDing. Then when we got back home the CDing fight started again. She just reverted to her previous role. She just could not see it. I always told her that if she said to quit, I would immediately do so, no regrets. After all she is the most important person in the world. If you knew her you would understand why she totally captivates me. I told her to think back on the vacation. No fights. No CDing talk. No forum research. That was the real us. Like I had been telling her all along. It was, to her, a revelation. Now she understands and is starting to listen to ME. Her world immediately got sunny. Mine too. Even though the only thing that changed was her fears. Changed first to imagination and fear, then changed to listen and no longer be afraid. She always had everything she could want and imagine in me, she just needed to see it. And she could not see it through the info she got on this forum. She is listening to me.
This works because she knows that I will always be truthful to her, no secrets, no lies, totally open.

I swear that I will NEVER hurt her. I swear that I will always be devoted to her. I swear that she is the most important person in the world.

Your post was right on the mark. But the problem is not the data. What we need for first timer wives and SOs is to realize that all internet research should be coupled with frequent open and honest dialogue to determine which data applies and which data is inappropriate. And the wives and SOs need to evaluate things without emotion. They need to be objective. They need to deal with reality. Not imaginary fears. And the CDers need to be honest, not keeping secrets, and considerate of their wives and SOs.

I love you Suzy (my SO) and I will always be devoted to you and you only.