Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 62

Thread: Are we stuck with crossdressing forever??

  1. #1
    Junior Member Mia27's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    80

    Are we stuck with crossdressing forever??

    Hey! So I was planning my first day to go public this saturday, I planned it two weeks ago, I had many friends who were excited and were going to help me out. But like anything else in this world, work and other things in life are preventing me from going out as well. Now that I have been thinking of it. Do I really want to go out? Or just the thought exciting enough? Do I want the world to see me dressed? I have asked myself this about a billion times.. I am worried that if i dont go out (which I do want to go out) my urges will continue to get stronger. But at the same time, a part of me wants to stop crossdressing, life would be easier if it wasnt a part of me. I know my SO accepts me and even shares clothes with me. I know though, I can see it in her eyes, she would prefer Mia didn't exist. She even told me once, that its nice that I am a CDer and we have some stuff in common, but at times she can't help it, and hates that it is part of me. So I am asking myself now, why feed the urges to go out, and be a crossdresser. What if I just fight it, will it go away? From other posts and comments, I have read that it will never go away.. it will only grow stronger... and thats what I am afraid of. I may just try quitting crossdressing, even though I do enjoy it, but its stressful, and it would be easier if it wasnt in my life. If that makes sense.

  2. #2
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    3,913
    This is very likely part of the architecture of your mind, an intrinsic part of you. You aren't going to stop it, I wish I could tell you something different, but this has been the experience of many here.

    The main constructive things you can do, in my opinion, are:
    1. Accept that this is a part of you.
    2. Try to understand your feelings about your gender, is this part of you, or is it who you really are?

    I wish you luck.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Sarah-RT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    695
    I too recently had the opportunity to go out for the first time with 2 friends and work and some other things got in the way. I was really excited and looking forward to it but as the time came and went and we reorganised I'm now beginning to doubt if I wanted to.

    I can't place whether I was excited to go out on the basis of dressing in my room alone became boring and repetitive, whether I truly wanted to be out at all or if I just over saturated my desire over the last few weeks.

    I know there are times I wish I could be a girl or simply just come out to everybody but I like being a guy and spend most of my time as such, my big problem is that I repress my urge/desire to dress and try to lock it away and then months later it comes screaming back.

    I enjoy dressing and actually wish I was comfortable doing it a bit more often but I also think that if I just repress it away and once every few months I throw on a bra for a day or two I'll be cured for another while.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    The lingerie dept.
    Posts
    1,834
    Avoid stress, for sure, but driving something underground probably isn't ultimately going to work- you know that. I'd be inclined to try and content yourself with limiting the activity, neither repressing it nor over indulging it- especially because your SO is somewhat ok with your present level.

    Good luck, hope you can find a workable balance. Please don't hesitate to keep talking about your feelings here.

    xNikki
    I used to have a short attention spa

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member Amy07's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    736
    So much stress in the past years for all you here it seems, I don't care, be real and stick with the room, like I am the room then... dressing since the days you were tyhere
    [SIZE="3"]Amy[/SIZE]

  6. #6
    Lacy Lacyfem's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Palm Springs
    Posts
    394
    Having tried to stop over a long long time I think we do have to live with it forever. Really understand how you're feel as it's stressful wanting to dress but knowing we are not truly accepted even by SO as it is in your case. Nice of her to go along with it but at some time in your life that may come to an ugly head. I'm married and wife disapproves and think if I were to go back I would not be married again as so love to dress and when not it's always there in the back of my mind. You can bury it but it will always be there and if chose to go out there can be consequences that to which I'm sure you're aware of. Good luck and hopefully you can live with your dressing and not have it be so stressful...

  7. #7
    Just a Brazilian Girl :) natalialimapoa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Brazil, Porto Alegre
    Posts
    127
    Im 24 years, and have been crossdressing since 7. And I feel exacly like you Mia.

    Right now, Im in a different stage than you, since I didnt dress for the last 6+ months, but what you describe looks like the things Im asking myself.

    I mean, what would I be doing here if this is not something that is inside me? I have a great company, girlfriend, family, friends. I dont need to be a CD, since my life is "complete". But I am here again, asking myself these things. I guess it really is something that we cant run away, but we will never understand completely.

    Ps. sorry for the bad english.
    Just another brazilian girl.

  8. #8
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Lost
    Posts
    6,013
    I think we all have wished this wasn't a part of our lives at one point or another but it is. We didn't chose this, it chose us. Now matter how far you try to run from it, it will follow you and then your right back in the dress again. It does get a bit easier once you fully accept this as part of who you are but you haven't yet so your thoughts remain confusing.

    Going out the first time is always a big deal. Take a deep breath and just do it if that is what you really want to do. If you can relax enough, you'll really enjoy it. You don't have to go to the mall, store , or any where you might be seen by a whole lot of people. Remember to take baby steps, which will eventually lead to the bigger steps but keep in mind, Once your out there, the desire to be out there also never goes away
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

  9. #9
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Almost the Great White North...
    Posts
    20,472
    There are few absolutes in life, but one of them seems to be that the desire to CD does not go away. For the vast majority of us who have been exactly where you are now, the desire has never gone away, not after decades. Bear in mind that many of us spent those decades absorbed with feelings of guilt, shame and self loathing, and spent those decades denying or repressing our desires. After all that, here we are.

    As PaulaQ said in the first response, transgenderism, which includes the desire to wear the attire of the opposite sex, is very likely hard wired into our brains during fetal development. Its like being left handed. You could live a very long, potentially successful and mostly happy life repressing this part of yourself, but the chances are that denying an innate part of yourself may hurt you emotionally, perhaps even physically.

    It makes a good deal more sense to try to find a comfortable balance between the demands of your life and your need to express your feminine attributes. Your SOs feelings quite understandably, mirror your own. Those worries, concerns and periods of disliking CDing are things you've experienced too. Your wife is making an effort to accept you and you need to do the same. Both of you need to expect ups and downs...it takes time and effort to shake of centuries old social conventions.

    I think going out will reveal something important to both of you. That is that you can be yourself and enjoy your life presenting as a woman, and that your friends will still be your friends, and you and your wife will still be the same people to each other that you were before hand. My hope is that both of you will realize that the clothes are just a means of expressing the person that has always been there. A part that makes you a whole person.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  10. #10
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Almost the Great White North...
    Posts
    20,472
    There are few absolutes in life, but one of them seems to be that the desire to CD does not go away. For the vast majority of us who have been exactly where you are now, the desire has never gone away, not after decades. Bear in mind that many of us spent those decades absorbed with feelings of guilt, shame and self loathing, and spent those decades denying or repressing our desires. After all that, here we are.

    As PaulaQ said in the first response, transgenderism, which includes the desire to wear the attire of the opposite sex, is very likely hard wired into our brains during fetal development. Its like being left handed. You could live a very long, potentially successful and mostly happy life repressing this part of yourself, but the chances are that denying an innate part of yourself may hurt you emotionally, perhaps even physically.

    It makes a good deal more sense to try to find a comfortable balance between the demands of your life and your need to express your feminine attributes. Your SOs feelings quite understandably, mirror your own. Those worries, concerns and periods of disliking CDing are things you've experienced too. Your wife is making an effort to accept you and you need to do the same. Both of you need to expect ups and downs...it takes time and effort to shake of centuries old social conventions.

    I think going out will reveal something important to both of you. That is that you can be yourself and enjoy your life presenting as a woman, and that your friends will still be your friends, and you and your wife will still be the same people to each other that you were before hand. My hope is that both of you will realize that the clothes are just a means of expressing the person that has always been there. A part that makes you a whole person.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  11. #11
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    The Poconos PA
    Posts
    18,972
    If it's a total choice on whether to do it or not, then I would say not necessarily.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  12. #12
    Gold Member Rachael Leigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Dallas Ft Worth metro
    Posts
    5,583
    Mia you are not alone in this kind of thinking and for many like myself it would be a lot easier for sure. My wife and I had a discussion just today what it might be like if I let it go. So yes most here get it. Don't pressure yourself. To go out though you will when its right if that's what you want

  13. #13
    eyah! Mink's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    PORTLAND eyah!
    Posts
    745
    not forever...

    but at the very least until we die!

    (uh!)

    though then again who knows maybe we'll still be CDers in the after death times!

    as for stopping... well think of it like smoking siggies or drinking alky... sure you can work real hard and stop but i'm sure the desire and temptation will forever be there...

    it's a question of it consuming you beyond obsession... and what things in life you want or value... moderation is key!

    if it escalates over time... and you'd be willing to give up many great things for this? well then it better be quite important / worth it!

  14. #14
    Nondressing CDer
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    214
    I have been dealing with this question myself fro the past few years. As many have said before, no the desire does not seem to ever go away, but life is made up of many desires. You can choose which desires to pursue and which ones to ignore. You can decide which desires will benefit your life and which will harm it. If you choose to pursue cross-dressing that may be best or if you choose not to that could also be best. Neither choice is necessarily wrong. It might be best to find a balance in between. You are going to have to find a place for it but that need not be center stage.

  15. #15
    Laura So Cal Laura28's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    868
    Well I started trying on my mother's things when I was about 8 or 9 I am now 56 and it is stronger then it has ever been. It has waned over the years and I went years without any dressing but I would say it is with you for life

  16. #16
    Aspiring drama queen Isabella Ross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    BC
    Posts
    1,659
    Mia...you're stuck with it. The key is balance and seeing it for the blessing it is. Over time, you will find balance, me thinks. Which is good, because the need to be fem will intensify as you grow older, if you can believe that. But I would never, ever, push myself to do something I didn't want to do, as in going out. You'll know when you're ready, and perhaps that will never happen. But please spare yourself the anguish of saying, "I quit" because you'll be back before you know it.

  17. #17
    GG ReineD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    21,115
    Quote Originally Posted by Mia27 View Post
    I am worried that if i dont go out (which I do want to go out) my urges will continue to get stronger.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah-RT View Post
    ... my big problem is that I repress my urge/desire to dress and try to lock it away and then months later it comes screaming back.
    Absolutely.

    I've noticed this time and time again here. Repression actually makes things worse. I think the people who get to the point of not being able to stop thinking about the CDing and wanting to be dressed all the time, maybe even to the point where they want to change their lives, are those who have external barriers (non-supportive wives mostly), and also internal barriers (maybe some unresolved guilt and also fear of upsetting the marital apple cart, fear of getting caught, fear of being read and judged).

    So I think you do need to go out, Mia. Judging by what I read here (and also having observed my own SO when she was beginning to go out), it can take several years before the excitement or novelty of going out calms down, provided of course that you are not TS. Obviously, a person whose male body is not in sync with their gender identity is different than a CDer. Just recently there was a thread from someone who doesn't have any barriers, this person has been going out for years, and they said that the old excitement was gone and they didn't feel like dressing as much, so now what. People in the forum mostly advised to enjoy the new calmness and just dress when they feel like it.

    If you're interested in my SO's trajectory, he has NEVER had any external barriers. He put aside the CDing to focus on grad school and then career which were huge priorities for him so it was entirely his choice. He then began to dress again in his mid 30s, just occasionally and mostly in the bedroom (his partner was fully into the bedroom part ). They eventually broke up (nothing to do with the CDing), and my SO was single again at the same time as his career established and there was no longer a need for 12 hour working days. It then took my SO about 8-10 years of dressing at home (there was no one who said that she couldn't), until this became old hat. She eventually ventured out for drives at night, and then eventually found a TG support group to join that she attended about once every two months. When she met me, she had a wardrobe and knew how to put on makeup, etc, and we began to go out dressed in public (she had mostly only been out to the support group meetings before this). The new outings with me brought a great deal of new energy to the CDing along with a desire to experience what my SO thought were girly things; mani-pedis, having lunch with newly formed GG friends, photo-shoots, week-long TG conference, weekends away dressed, new adventures on a monthly basis to new places, trying new things dressed. Only when all that was exhausted, did it calm down again in much the same way as just staying home to dress did. I don't think my SO dressed more than 12-15 times last year. And my SO rarely dresses to just stay home. So I guess that things have come full circle. And in my SO's case, age might be a factor too. CDers in their 50s can't look like CDers who are in their 20s or 30s. Also, I think if someone has an active social life with other CDers (there are some very active groups of CD/TG friends who do a lot of things together in some urban areas), then there is more of an incentive to go out and do things dressed. It becomes the social life. We happen to live in a quiet small town where this is not happening.

    So I guess you could say that over time the CDing does bring with it stronger urges to take it as far as possible (going out everywhere and doing everything dressed that he can do in guy mode). But, unless someone is TS, it does stop there for a CDer. A mistake that a lot of people make in this forum is believing that if someone wants to dress to blend on a regular basis and keeps this up for years, then eventually they will want to transition. This is simply not true. If you do not feel deep distress over having male body parts now, then you are not TS IMO, at least not the clinical definition of TS.

    It's a struggle to achieve a balance if you feel that you have barriers (external and internal). You feel that other people or other circumstances are preventing you from doing what you really want to do, and the desire to be free of this is huge. This applies to everyone, no matter the situation. Everyone wants to be free to do what they want to do. But, achieving balance is much easier when all the barriers are removed, if a person is not TS of course. So yeah, you should just go out dressed, try to do this a few times per week, and keep it up.
    Reine

  18. #18
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,224
    My opinion is, yes this is a part of us, for whatever reason, and wanting to do it will be there forever.

    With that said, I think that we can control our actions. Doing so may not bring the happiness you seek though.

    For example - I am a smoker and I forced myself to quit for a bit. I went six months, without a single cheat. And then one day I picked it up like I had never stopped. I think it happened because I never stopped wanting to do it. I could force myself to stop the actions, but I couldn't force myself to stop wanting to do it.

    How about an example closer to the subject - I quit cross dressing once. Maybe back when I was about 30. Back when I pretty convinced this was just a sexual kink for me. I did nothing gender non-conforming. But the desire to do so never left. And the longer it went on the more I began to understand that this isn't sexual for me, it is me.

    And that what made me begin to force myself to quit fighting it and realize this is who I am. Oh and no, that has not meant that I have decided to transition, because that is so not me. Me is somewhere between the ends of the gender spectrum, and that is who I have always been and who I will always be regardless of my actions.

  19. #19
    Senior Member Marcie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    52
    I have cross dressed for many years. Many times I have purged all my special clothing and went back to being, my boring old self. Then all of a sudden the strong urge comes back and I have to start purchasing feminine clothing and products all over again. This has happened several times in my life, so finally I have said to myself, this is my life. I am stuck with it and will never push it away again

  20. #20
    Silver Member justmetoo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Inland Empire
    Posts
    2,182
    I agree with Isabella Ross and others. I think, for most of us, it's an integral part of who we are. Trying to suppress is rarely, if ever, successful. And usually just makes things worse, such as contributing to depression or anger or other issues. Finding one's balance is one of the major keys.

  21. #21
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    4,135
    Quitting is like deciding not to parachute after you've left the aeroplane.
    Many would prefer not to have this, but it's better than what my dad got, or many teenage boys in this area - they are on anti-depressants for life.

    So we don't have a choice, but we can chose to ignore it for a while, until the urge gets to strong, or we can just see where it goes

    Think of it this way
    you need balls to be a cross dresser (unless your F2M)
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  22. #22
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,337
    You, Mia, are a cross dresser whether you cross dress or not. Can you stop? Yes. The question is, for how long? Who knows. Why not give it a try and see how your mood changes or doesn't change. That's the tell in this cross dressing mystery.

  23. #23
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,071
    This is just my opinion so take it for what it is:
    You want to go out but just have never made the move and done it so the urge and desire is there and will probably remain.
    If you go out and have the experience of dressing in public the hurdle has been crossed and possibly the urge will ease up.
    After you go out and see its really not as huge a deal as you think it is right now.
    Kind of a been there done that sort of thing if you get what I mean.
    I have gone out 100% enfemme so many times the luster and excitement has diminished.
    Its still fun don't get me wrong its just different now.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  24. #24
    My name is Carol Julogden's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Suburbs of Chicago, IL USA
    Posts
    3,670
    Mia, I'd say yes, it's part of who you are, not going to change. How large a part of you is what you have to figure out. You need to be honest with yourself and your SO about it, IMO.

    Carol
    My name is Carol.

  25. #25
    Junior Member Mia27's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    80
    Thank you everyone! It means so much!! I will most likely try to find a balance.. I can't let this fester inside of me. It can get stressful if I don't stress. When I dressed almost every other day, I was very happy! But i would feel guilt.. Its hard being a crossdresser:P

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State