Are we stuck with crossdressing forever??

[Sallee]

your getting some great responses listen to them. Try a support group I have always found them to be helpful because we have all had those same strange fun desires. Crossdressing is a gift that we have to accept and help our SO's learn to accept also. Therapy can help also help you and your spouse accept your CDing because it isn't going away ever. You have to learn to accept and make it a part of your life and not an over bearing all consuming part of your life.
You will love going out when you start just have fun and remember CDing is only a part of you, a part of the whole.






you

[Amy07]

Yes, we are here to dress forever, and ever, and ever.
Or not dress too. That means a lot. 2nd Amendment proud too.

[Mia27]

Thank you everyone, I have read all your comments! I will learn to accept myself better. I do accept myself at times, but there is that moment where I wish it wasn't a part of me. I will work hard to find a balance Thank you again everyone!

[Christen]

Hi Mia,
You've got some good advice here already. I can only speak from personal experience but here goes. For me the need/desire to crossdress has never completely gone away (and it started when I was a kid). I had periods where my life was full of many other wonderful things, at these times the urge dissipated but I can't think of a period longer than two years where I haven't dressed in some way. It's awkward and difficult to handle. I spent many nights wishing that I did not have this need, but you know, in the end it's just a part of who I am. It took me a very long time to accept that and the being that I am. I think my life would have been different, perhaps better, if I'd found that self acceptance earlier.
Having said that, I'm sure there are people who have put this behind them and don't feel the need to dress but I'm also sure that they've totally accepted who they are.

A good friend of mine said 'this doesn't define me, I'm much more than just what I wear', she also says 'be the best person you can be'. Both are good bits of advice.

[ophelia]

It looks like we are. And for those of us who dress in public but are essentially in the closet the challenge becomes to successfully manage it so that we can fully enjoy the wonderfully sensuality of experience that beautiful dressing offers us.
That takes meticulous lists, planning, scouting out places in advance, phone calls to hotels and other things but it is worth it. Thanks to Google you can tour most cities and even shopping centres on your computer in advance.
So far it is working and I am happy that I can confidently slip into a lovely dress and enjoy a little me as she without a worry.

[justmetoo]

Sounds like a good plan, Mia. Acceptance isn't always easy. I know there were many times when I struggled with it. But that was pre-internet days and days when I didn't know myself as well as I do now. Hopefully, with resources like this community, and with accepting friends irl, you can grow your self-acceptance more quickly (may still take time, but hopefully you won't have to wait until you're in your 50s like some of us!).

[sometimes_miss]

It will probably never go away. The closest I got while being alone, was to face that I am a crossdresser, but that I will not crossdress today. And take it one day at a time. I think it lasted about 10 months last time.

It was another story altogether when I was in stable relationships. First time, about three years that I didn't crossdress, second, about 5 or 6, I'm kind of tipsy right now so my mind isn't too clear. But both times, everything else in my life was going great, so I could hold off the desire to crossdress by doing something else that made me feel good.

As I've gotten older, those other options are diminishing rapidly. I don't have many other activities to enjoy, so the desire to dress the way I think I'm supposed to looms ever on my mind.

[BillieAnneJean]

If I was compelled to do this for life I would consider it a life long blessing, not "stuck with crossdressing forever".

For me there personally there are NO negatives to CDing. It has been an enormous benefit which has allowed me to understand and appreciate the dangers and adaptations women must make for safety (like aggressive men) and just to work around the handicaps from nails, heels, managing the clothes to maintain modesty (like a hem in a breeze). Also it has made me happier to be a man because I can choose to be a man or not. Instead of my gender role being a default value it has become a choice and I prefer to be a guy who is a "woman" part time. For some reason I have been thrust in to a position where I can help people as a result of CDing. I have become somewhat known in Grand Rapids and routinely am approached by gay people who have experienced some pain. I am blessed with the capacity to give hope and hugs. It has been an amazing experience. So to for CDers. Some of us have paid a dear price. If I have experienced this, no wonder that now and then someone needing some compassion shows up in tears at one of our "Grand Illusions" CDer meetings. And most of all it is just plain FUN! For me this is street theatre. I am an actor drawing the audience in. I try to get the other patrons of the venue we are at involved with us. It is a way to educate the public.

One day I will stop because I can't do it well. As long as my SO is in my life I will be able to end my CDing and have fond memories with no regrets.

[TanyaWonder]

Hey Mia,

I have a pretty similiar experience. I had a wonderful opportinity to visit a year long psychotherapy group meeting and it changed my perspective a lot. I now feel that only by accepting this and starting to understand what it means/wants, you can eventually solve the CDing (this could mean stopping it, or change it so it fits your needs). Im in the phase of allowing myself to dress whenever I feel like it, I talk about it more freely with friends and my Gf.
And the dressing itself changed a lot. I dont longer have to dress, its more like I really want to and look forward to it. Im starting to get clues to where it could have started and what I could do to change it into something more suitable for me.
Id also suggest sharing it carefully, which you seem to already be doing...

cheers, T.

[Susi]

I want to thank you for all the interesting thoughts I've read on this topic. I've 46 and I've been secretly crossdressing since I can remember. I tried to quit many times because I felt I was doing something wrong and I felt ashamed, but finally I've never been many days without wearing any female garment. For a long time I believed I could quit it forever, but finally I realized that I can be a repressed CD, but never an ex-crossdresser. For me, crossdressing is a part of my life, not the most important, but a part I cannot deny.

Would my life be easier if I don't crossdress anymore? It's possible, but I've decided I'll not be a repressed CD because crossdressing isn't a bad thing, it isn't a sin, it isn't a disease, and it gives me a lot of pleasure and excitement without hurting me or the people I love.

None of my friends know about my love for crossdressing and I don't know if I ever will tell them because my shame is too big. I don't feel at the moment the need to tell my children about it, and I know these are important limitations to crossdressing, but at least I'm sure that I must be honest with me and my wife, and that's a big step for me!

[justmetoo]

Good luck, Susi! It gets better.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I have known a few folks over the years who actually quit dressing (and even a few TS who de-transitioned and went back to living as men.) For the vast majority, once you are a dresser you are always one. One may or many not choose to actively dress, but the lifelong desire to very rarely goes away.