How are the rare singles doing lately?

[Alice Torn]

Have any of you dated lately? Handling aloneness ok? We are few on here. I have given up on ever finding a mate. Low fixed income, toxic family of origin, having to care for very difficult anti-social, controlling 94 yo father old car. Cding. I would like to platonic date once in a blue moon, before i go back to the dust. A poor man, cd or not, has little, or no chance for marriage, but an occasional date, would help, in dealing with the solitude. Maybe, when i am in a nursing home, i will find "her". I had an uncle who was lifetime bachelor, and he got to meet nursing home ladies. Trouble is, all in wheelchairs, and elderly, but he was, too. Cding would be pretty much finished, in a nursing home, too. I would not want to do it there, with no privacy. My 94 yo very difficult father, has a woman who actually is nuts about him, in the last nursing home he was in! And, i am 60, and have not dated in many years! Just wondered if some of the singles would check in, say how you are doing, if you feel up to sharing. I know, it is tough, for some, not bad for others.

[Jodi]

Alice, You posted a similar thread a while back. I'm going to give you a similar answer. I went thru my divorce 15 years ago and now live by myself. Am I lonely? Hell no. I started out by looking for organizations that needed volunteers. One volunteer assignment led to others. I found out that in my small city ( pop 10,000+) there were over a dozen places that I could volunteer. Examples are: The Red Cross, The local Ambulance service, local historical society, salvation army, local hospital, the local school district, the library, etc. I could go on and on. Everywhere I went, I met new people. Many of them were unattached women about my age. They were interested in socialization and friendship, not a quick, permanent relationship. My circle of friends has blossomed. all of this because I was willing to give of myself and my time and energy. Some of these people know I am a cd, others not. It doesn't matter.

Alice, I'm 10 years older than you are, so age is not a factor here. Platonic dating is well within reason. Most of the women that I have met want that and enjoy having a friend. Having money or not should not be a factor. In every community, there are many free things to do that are fun. An example is a very nice lady that I met who complained that she had no one to ride her bike with. I said I would ride with her, and the next day we took a 5 mile ride together on one of the trails. We have since become steady riding buddies.

If a person is content to sit home and feel sorry for themselves, they will live a life of solitude.

Get out there and go for it. Don't allow those toxic people around you to control your life.

The sooner you declare your freedom from them, your life will be great.

Go for it and best of luck.

Jodi

[Sarah-RT]

Im 24 and ive been single for about 7-8 years with few hookups. Im kinda awkward and shy chatting up women and at the moment im working a part time job to cover going to college so ive very little time to do anything at all really, wont finish college till im 24 and since im still stuck living at home because of the recession back in 2008 and now that ive gone back to college I dont think ive the best chances of getting out and about.
my mom still loves.. lol

[PaulaQ]

I have given up on ever finding a mate.

Honey, this is why you are alone.

You make excuses and give reasons why you fail - and they become self-fulfilling.

You have to be open to love to be able to find it. And you have to love yourself first, to be open to it. I really hope you are able to do these things.

And no, you are not alone - there are many transgender people who are lonely. Our condition is inherently isolating because of the society in which we live.

[justmetoo]

I'm alone, but ever the hopeful romantic. At this point in my life and career, though, I'm not actively pursuing any kind of relationship. I am a little younger than you, but hope to retire within a few years. At which point I don't plan to remain in the area where I live currently. I only stay here for the job. Also, I'm definitely an introvert an enjoy time spent alone, so I may be alone but I'm not often lonely. Doing something like volunteer work, at something that you have some interest in, seems like a good way to get out and get to know people and maybe make a friend or 2. Another possibility is to see about taking some classes or joining some sort of hobby group. I think the main thing is to make sure it's something you enjoy, and then set your expectations to just go and have fun and talk to people. Then be open to friendships. (that's a lot easier said than done for me, but I will get there some day)
Best wishes!

[sometimes_miss]

Honey, this is why you are alone. You make excuses and give reasons why you fail - and they become self-fulfilling.

Well, not exactly. knowing the reasons for women not wanting to go out with us isn't what caused those reasons to exist.

You have to be open to love to be able to find it.

That's more for women, similar to the old saying that you'll find love when you're not looking for it. Well, women don't usually make the first move, not one that men will recognize, anyway. All too often, women just send out vague signals that can easily be mistaken for just being friendly or sociable. For a man to find love, he actually has to go out hunting for it. In my younger days, I got turned down when asking for dates way more than I got accepted, not even counting those who gave me fake phone numbers.

That said, right now I'm in Alice's shoes; taking care of an elderly mom that requires all my time when I'm not at work. As it looks like she could last another 10 years, my near future social live is non existent. I'm fortunate enough that I can take a night off every two weeks and enjoy the company of a compassionate lap dancer for a few hours while I pay a home health aid to watch over mom.

[Dianne S]

I am very recently single, having split up four months ago after a 28+-year relationship including 23 years of marriage. I am really in no hurry to start another relationship; I enjoy the freedom of being single and I've never had a problem being by myself... it simply doesn't bother me.

I'm glad I was married (even though the last few years were absolute hell) because I have three wonderful children. But I don't think you need to be in a relationship to be a complete person.

[grace7777]

I am single and have always been that way, and have never really dated either. Also, I can say that I am very content with being single. Being transgender I know it can cause difficulties in a relationship, so I avoid these problems. Being single I am free to live life as a woman when outside of work. A dadt relationship is one that I could never tolerate. So all things considered, I believe being single makes me the happiest.

[JazT95]

I'm 19 and have only just got into my first relationship 4 months ago. But before that, I was extremely pessimistic and saw no chances of me ever finding someone. But then it just kinda happened out of the blue... I guess I'm trying to say that you should keep an open mind and you never know when something will pop up, no matter who you are

[Karolyn]

I have always been single, I'm 33. And honestly, I'm happy as it is. That feeling of freedom to drive your life is awesome. But is very important to have good friends, and as many as possible.

But what was preventing me from having successful relationships in the past was my dysphoria. When I was trying to date a girl, I was having difficulties to be the man they wanted me to be. I had the feeling of lying about my actual identity, and that it would never be a truthful relationship. So being single so far revealed to be the best choice I made for transitioning. Nobody can stop me, I have no SO that I could lose, no kids that would have concerns with their parents. I will start HRT in a few weeks.

Based on the experience of other people I know, being single should not be seen as a negative point. It has many positive sides to consider. Usually many people feel sad for not being in a relationship, it is mostly because they try to fit in the social mold to make other people satisfied rather than themselves.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Have any of you dated lately?

No, I only wish. Been many, many years since my former girlfriend left and that was that.

Handling aloneness ok?

Not really, it is very painful sometimes... but on the other hand, there is nothing I can do about it, it is what it is.

Heck, the only physical human contact I have is as part of my job (and that is only through latex gloves.)

I'd give up on finding a partner, it probably is a fool's errand, but I long for more than platonic friendships (which I have) and my biochemistry won't let me give up. Quite a dilemma.

[Carrie R]

I finally got a response to my OK Cupid profile, met a woman in public a couple times and chatted quite a bit. Still too early to have the CD talk, but it's in the answers to my OK Cupid questions if she looks hard enough.

[Amy Lynn3]

Alice, try online dating. Several sites are free....like plenty of fish and ok cupid. It never hurts to put a profile and picture on them. I am sure you will have women contact you, because many on those sites are wanting the same as you.

[Ineke Vashon]

Alice Torn, your Avatar seems to describe your present thinking. It's difficult to talk to someone when you turn your back to people

Jodi's advice is good. Volunteers are needed. Or, even a good brisk walk in the park clears the cobwebs.

Ineke

[Alice Torn]

Ineke, I once in a while show my back side, because only seeing my face, is only part of the picture! Also, i have heard more reports of people using face software recognition, that can OUT people. Amy, I have had ads man seeking woman, on Plenty of Fish for about seven years, and had virually no responses. The womens ads i answered, almost never have replied. Something not right about that sight. I think there are a huge amount of men seeking,women, but not as many women seeking me, and the ladies do seem to have a very high expectation of what they will accept. I did tell one gal i was a par time crossdresser, and that broke it off. I know that the vast majority of threads, on here, are by married sisters , concerning marriages, or So's. And that is fine, and good. I just would like to see unmarrieds start more threads concerning being alone. I have done a lot of volunteering, mainly when i was in tacoma and Seattle. 12 step groups, single groups. church volunteering, giving blood, plasma. I give plasma twice a week now. But, it is a bit hard to find friends these days, anyway. And, i have been burned by "friends", badly, in the recent past. I have great trouble trusting anyone now, since family and friends have burned me bad! For several years, i took my cats to the nursing home, to show , and let patients pet and hold. But, they no longer allow cats. I also fixed old bicycles, and gave them to homeless veterans, att the VA homeless vets section 8 meetings. I have helped and volunteered, but have difficulty connecting, because of all the bad experiences with family, and others. It may be wisest, to walk alone. I have aquaintences but almost no friends now.Relationships scare me now, too.