Outed by my X SO

[AccidentalDresser]

Not in the mood to write much but just wanted to tell you.
Had some long talks with my now confirmed X fiancé. She has told everyone we know and they are all laughing about it and emailing photos between each other and to me.
Seems there was a vicious side to her I never knew existed. She gave back the ring and it's all over.

I still don't know how I feel. Just numb and empty.
I have people calling to rent the spare room and leaving messages but I don't really want to see or talk to anyone right now. I don't even want to go outside the house. I have never smoked in this house, not once but for now I have taken up smoking in the bathroom and I hate it because I can still smell it. I can't sleep and I'm not hungry. Just numb and empty.

My only saving grace is that I have no living family left that she could tell and she doesn't know anyone I work with because I have never been the type to mix work and home life.

[Sierra_juliette]

I am sorry to here that she was such a nasty human to do this to you. My exhusband who is also a crossdresser decided to out my current husband to anyone and everyone he could. Unfortunately he was able to hack my computer account and also gain access to pics of my husband dressed. It was a very tough time for us but having come out the other end of it, I can say it does get better. There are people that have exited my life because of if and although it was painful at first I now look back and am thankful that the haters are out of my life.

Please hear me when I say, you are a better person than she is, if someone could circulate pics of her 'inside' and distribute it I am sure it would be much more talk worthy than the photos she has shared of you.

Hold your head up high and do your best to walk proud, there is nothing shameful in dressing, don't let her get her way. And quit smoking in the bathroom, every time you think about it imagine the smell as being her stain upon your home, you don't want that :-)

[lisa72]

Sorry to hear your going threw a hard time. I can only tell you it gets better with time. I have been divorced now for two years so I .fo understand some of what you are going threw. It's good you found out about her before it went further. I wish you all the best and be proud of who you are

[TanyaWonder]

Hey,

my ex probably did pretty similiar thing. I asked her to keep it as discreet as possible but she can tell somebody when she needs to (because it was pretty hard for her). Well, we broke up some 2 years ago, and to the present day I have no idea who of our common friends know and who doesnt about my dressing, but its probably more ppl than I would expect. The good think is I dont give a ****, since its everybodys problem when they find it weird or stupid or whatev. I am me, and so is my CDing, thank you

[Aprilweathers]

OMG how terrible! Sorry Accidental.

Yeah, the only person that I know of that knows for sure, because I told her, was an ex gf.

So I am not sure who she told or how many of my/our friends know. We dated for years, had friends in common and knew each others parents/siblings. When we split though, it was amicable. We're both career focused, and I had to move to advance. Moved as in, packed up and traveled across several states to make a new home, new life and new friends. So I rarely ever see the people associated with that old relationship, a new cast of characters in my life, but social media really shrinks the world so who knows if my worlds have collided. Not to my knowledge, but I wonder how secret my secret is sometimes.

[Andy66]

That stinks. At least you didnt marry her, if thats any consolation. My take on any type of trouble is, I hope nothing bad happens, but if it does, I will buck up and find a way to handle it, turn it into a positive if possible, then move on.

[Amy Lynn3]

Hello:
I really don't know what to say, but I feel so sorry for you. I do have a few comments for you to consider. What does it change in your life if you worry to the point of smoking ? In this situation you are the only one who can change. The people she told can change their opinion of you, but so what ? If they run you down, you never needed them to start with. Change your opinion of yourself. You are not doing anything illegal or wrong and I bet the people that may point a finger at you have done worse. I bet some are felons or worse.

Some of my childhood friends have found out I dress and have talked behind my back. I have nothing to do with them anymore and associate with people who love me for who I am. You may consider how many people who will love you no matter what and, as for the common friends she told.....they are just common people.

We have so many things worse that could have happened....such as your health could have went South, so consider she did you a favor and took the fair weather friends out of your life, so now make new ones. It is just a purge, but not cloths this time, it is callous people, who ride high and have a holier than thou attitude.

You have a friend in me and I'm sure many more here, so put the smokes away and pity the person she is and she told, not yourself.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

That's horrible, and I hope the numbness passes soon.

Thanks for letting us know.

Hugs, Nikki

[stacy956]

Sorry about that hun i too went thru something similar with my ex wife after she knew i dressed and she seemed ok with and as time went on we split up and she ended telling everything to my parents and to my sister i couldnt liv it down i wouldnt eat sleep or leav my house living alone i seemed so depressed i left cding for a few weeks but after a while i got over it i was still sad but i got my self into work and got a hobbie and little by little i got better

[Sharon B.]

Been down that road before myself, probably why it is hard for me to date anybody else. Think you know a person and confess to them this side of yourself then "BAM " it is all out in the open so to speak. Some will believe and some won't, just depends if you are ready to come out. I wasn't at the time and I'm still not ready to come completely out although I do want to go out every now and then dressed as a woman.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I'm sorry this happened to you but be assured in time you will recover. My ex did it to me many years ago. The friends I lost?---Who cares?! They were never really friends if that's the case. Any new friend who learns about my past today and walks away?---Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out! Today I have many kind and longstanding friends. Some might even know but yet I am treated with kindness and friendship. I act like I'm no different than any other person.

But here's a thought: If she told every friend especially her personal friends, do you think they'll be wise enough to feel they could trust her with their secrets or personal problems? Just think, by her nature, about the hell she could create for the next guy who comes along. My ex is on husband #4 because of her vindictiveness. Some life, huh?

Cheryl

[Rhian]

This is horrible and it's situations like this that stop people telling their SO in the first place as girls can very vindictive when they break up with someone. DO you not have ay secrets of hers you can air publicly? It might not make you feel better but at least she will have to pay a penalty for her awful behaviour.

[Ellen2d]

Hello:
I really don't know what to say, but I feel so sorry for you. ~.........

.........~ You have a friend in me and I'm sure many more here, so put the smokes away and pity the person she is and she told, not yourself.

Well said

[giuseppina]

I am saddened your ex has turned on you so badly. Some people are like that when they are rejected.

If you so choose, you can sell the ring to recoup some of your money and get a memento of her out of your sight.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to inform your employer of your breakup. They don't need to know the details. A decent organisation would then take anything she said as coming from a disgruntled ex.

You will recover from your current hardship.

[RachelF]

I agree a good thing is you did not married her. She is not a good person and that would be evident sooner or later.

Be strong hun.

Rachel

[krissy]

This happened to me 20 years ago i lost all my freinds and got labled .didnt find out till my best freind told me and didnt want anything to do with me hell it dont help if your in a male dominated job like mechanic lost job too! but i can tell you it dose get better .its wrong what she did but hold your head up .keep going it will get better

[Sissy_Michelle]

Accidental,

Truly a horrible person this woman is. I am very sorry to hear what she has been doing to you. Hopefully you have some other friends that you can speak to or go visit during this time? You shouldn't feel empty, for your real friends will be there for you. If not then they were not your friends. This is a good time for change, on the other hand. If you had ever wanted to get away and find a new life else where here is your chance. Try to find a bright side to all of what has happened. If you don't have any family that live close then why not move away. I am NOT suggesting you run away from your problems and this does sound like it. If you wish to stand up to them and show them who has the best character then stay. Face them with chin up and with confidence. Or... Move elsewhere. The world is the same place and no matter where you go people like her and the ones making fun of you are everywhere, you cannot really escape. Just a thought if you have spent a lot of time there and are just too embarrassed. If it were me I would stay and show them who is the better person that won't be scared off by some insensitive person. Reply to everyone and tell the to beware of her that she is not loyal nor is she trustworthy.

As for the smoking... I had wanted a raise at work and knew I wouldn't get one. I quit smoking and gained a $87.oo raise a month. I NEVER smoke inside because I have a family that I share my home with and they don't like it so I smoke outside. If you don't like it either then you should either not smoke or just smoke outside. Get a nice outfit and a lawn chair with a nice beer and sit outside and smoke.

People are strange, and most of the time not nice. You either live like a hermit and not make friends or you go out and expose yourself to those people. However one thing is for sure. Your true friends will stand by you and support you or they were not your friends. Laugh at me? Go ahead... Will I be embarrassed? Yes. Will my feelings be hurt? Yes. But who are they? What do they mean to me if I cannot trust them?

Good Luck Accidental I wish you well and hope the best for you, please don't do anything that would hurt other people's feelings. I am very sure that there are many that respect and admire you. Find them speak to them don't hide. Don't be alone during this time.

@--}----
Michelle

[Brenda456]

Keeping secrets is not a good thing. At the same time, telling someone you are a crossdressers can endanger jobs and careers. It is wrong, but it is a reality some of us must face. Not being able to trust a person is sad and hurtful. For some of us, telling another carries some serious risks. It is disheartening when this happens. . . I hope for the best.

[Tracii G]

My she is an awful person.
If you have friends that laugh about it say go piss off and don't talk to them again, you don't need them in your life anyway.
One positive thing is its out there and everybody knows so you are free to go out dressed anytime you want and not worry about it.
Your true friends will accept it and stay friends.

[Vickie_CDTV]

To be blunt, your girlfriend is a psycho and it is a good thing she is gone (and thank goodness you did not have children with her, or you would have to have ties with her forever!) And this is from someone who is desperate to be loved... and even I would (and have) drawn the line at that kind of instability.

If any of these people she told confront you about it, you might want to remind them that it was her bright idea for you to wear her lingerie... so she is as "guilty" as you are.

[MissTee]

I am sorry to hear you were betrayed like that. How terrible. Give it some time and please take care of yourself. Walk more, join a gym, buy a bicycle and ride or anything healthy until you sort things out. Please, though, let the smoking go.

[AmandaM]

Well, now's your chance to begin again. Drop these friends. I know it's hard, but you'll make new ones. Now, you get to pick and choose.

[lingerieLiz]

You will know who your friends are. My wife accidentally outed me to our friends (long story). Surprisingly we didn't loose any including some very religious people.

[Barbara Black]

very sorry to hear about this betrayal. I was threatened with it when my wife found out, she was going to tell my parents and siblings. Fortunately she didn't, but she has never become supportive either. Anyhow, please stop with the smoking and other forms of self-abuse, it isn't your fault she is like that. Go on with it..

[Ressie]

Those that advocate coming out to SOs aren't responding to this thread. Is it possible your ex felt deceived (betrayed) when you started CDing? Yes, it appears she is being vindictive, but without hearing her side of the story… well, we're only hearing one side of the story.

That said, I know it's hard to believe in romantic love after an experience like this. Welcome to the 'trust issues' camp.