Me too! It's fun to have the other person take you by the hand when they're "ready", really alleviates the adverse effects of acting on "mixed signals"
Me too! It's fun to have the other person take you by the hand when they're "ready", really alleviates the adverse effects of acting on "mixed signals"
Michaela
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. - Rush
I have always felt penis shame, and alway thought the male sex act was rather crude or even cruel, as i saw lots of male animals "hump" females animals, rather harshly. My mom resented my dad's advances, and it was burned into my mind, that male agressiveness was evil. So, later on, i did date quite a bit in my 30's, but when i did try to get close in with a lady, they were turned off. I also was taught that there is no sex before marriage by the church, so, all my life, i have been celibate, but, i did massage, and touch a few ladies, without going all the way. I am more submissive, YES! I would rather be the submissive, or semi-submissive in a relationship, but, at times, i can be more aggressive.
I'm in a slightly different place than most of you because I'm actually transitioning. Before, I was exclusively attracted to women and I liked taking both an active role and a passive role, depending on my mood at the time.
Since being on anti-androgens for a few months and psychologically adjusting to transition, I find my sexuality changing... It's not what I like, but who I think I like it with. I find now I am more attracted to men than to women. This was quite an astonishing and interesting revelation.
Since I'm early on in transition and recently separated, there's no way I'll act on any of this... I do not need additional complications in my life. But when things settle down, I can see myself looking to date guys.
I'm usually dominant or equal in drab. When crossdressed, I'm definitely submissive. I don't consider myself bi in drab, though a few times, I've been attracted to certain men. But, in my whole life, that's been like 2 times. In drag, I'm the classic bi when dressed but only when I can think of myself as a woman. My sexuality doesn't quite push me to full bisexuality. It's all about the girl inside.
Most of my life it seems that I had far more girls for friends than I did boys. Often the girl friends of my male friends would call me just to talk, even though they had little interest in dating me. This continues today. I have several single and married female friends that are as close as the sisters that I never had. I am not nearly as close or friendly with any man, much less with several. My closeness to these women has sometimes led my wife to suspect I was having an affair with them. Not so, we're just sisters!
For me sex always has to contain an element of femdom/emasculation or I'm just not that interested. My CDing is just an extension of that. My first marriage was to someone a lot like me (as in taking the passive role) and that was a disaster. My current wife loves to take the dominant role and is the one person that can make me almost regret getting what I wished for. Our problem is that I can't match her libido. Outside of the bedroom, I'm probably one of the least submissive people you could ever meet. I'm not dominant either. I'm more the lone wolf, rebel without a cause, oppositional defiant disorder, anti social, curmudgeon, hermit, incorrigible type.
I've thought about this topic further today and realize that now that I have tapped into Kandi (or maybe she into me), I find myself much preferring giving rather than receiving. I mean giving pleasure, affection, comfort or even help with every day tasks. I am not as interested in receiving these things myself. And the simple act of being held by my wife has become pure bliss. Holding hands just feels so great. I am more in-tune in the way women think and enjoy giving it back.
Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.
Sort of Horses For Courses. I tend to range between somewhat aggressive to sharing with women, but basically submissive with men. If I take the mindset that the other person is there to please me (as in the case of being with another man), I can devote all of my attention to the experience and take in every sensation and nuance. Both situations are very very different.
I always have been attracted to women. Like some of the replies i hate some sports like football and cricket, and have never played either.I just love the female form. This love has finally made me desire my own breasts so am actively pursuing that with a NB as well as breast enhancing herbs. I wait with baited breath when i finally reach my desired cup size.
The truth is that i really feell like crossdressing when i'm alone. I've got a nice life outside of my intimacy and i feell happy with it. I don't have to explain to anybody what i like to do when i'm alone. I've never suffer because of gender problems.
As a boy i think i know about fashion and tendences, and that's great.
This journey for me is about freeing and outwardly expressing feelings that I have had for a very long time. I have always been attracted to women/femininity, I definitely wanted to be in their company, desired their attraction to me, love and the physical attention...but at the same time I obviously have quite a strong desire to be more like them, too. So, I have often wondered if crossdressing is just another step on the spectrum of adoring women, the step beyond simply being sexually attracted to them? Passive versus aggressive, give versus receive, those things ebb and flow in the bedroom just like they do outside of it. But with the encouragement of my wife combined with the personal desire to stop "managing" these feelings I am thoroughly expressing the gamut of my "femaleness", even at sexy time. In some ways, it's inevitable that this new me would make her way into the bedroom...I shave my legs, I moisturize and my skin is softer, I have red toenails! But we still can choose whether to leave my lipstick and stockings in the other room, depending on the shared mood at the time. So I guess this all just says that my sexuality is what it always was, I am just expressing it more broadly and freely now.
Im not submissive because im a crossdresser it is just another part of me and the cding does help.If you have that guilt i need to made to this then that is a different story it can relieve that stress that you have about this
I have a hubcap diamond star halo
I returned from a conference earlier this week reflecting on my ease with women. Not a single inclination in me to be attracted to men. I'm all about the ladies. Anyway, this week at every single after hours event or outing I hung with the gals. Wasn't planned, but it just happened. Next to the last night the group commented about how comfortable they had become with a man in the midst, so much so they "accepted" me as one of the girls. We talked about spa visits, mani/pedis, skin care, fashion pairings, etc. with relative ease; however, they reached out to me for a man's view several times. It was cool having them hang on my every word at times, and to openly and freely share what girls like or don't (including guy quirks.)
When I used to be interested in women I took a more active role but now that I sleep with men I definitely loveit when he is more directive and lets me know what he wants
^this. I don't know if it was ingrained in me or conditioned. but that feeling never went away.Originally Posted by prene
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I'm married, bi AND gender-fluid, it's more complicated for me I guess? When I'm in male-mode, I prefer for everything to be mutually beneficial, but since coming out to her I've been much more aggressive. Probably a subconscious desire to show her I'm a "real man" (I know, I know). But when I'm in female mode, I have zero interest in being a top. If I'm ever in a situation were I'm asked to top in female mode, I'd likely be very uncomfortable, and I'm not sure I'd be able to go through with it.
I'm a girl when I feel like it
"feeling like a girl" and "wanting a male" are not the same thing.
While I may be distracted by 'Lumberjack fantasies' or the dude in the recent Lincioln commercials.... you like what & who you like. Who and what turns you on are a different matter.
I think girls are hot and at the same time I wish I could pull that $h!t off. I wanna wear that swishy stuff. I wanna do it and look as hot as they do.
I'm a beast. That look isn't gonna happen.
I still *want* it.
- MM
- Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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"I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder
I'm straight - I like men. I tried, for a really long time with women. It was really hard to find a woman interested in me. Maybe my heart wasn't in it and I was just lonely? I have had crushes on guys my entire life - but the ones I was attracted to liked women, so I had no chance. (I figured out really fast that acting on those feelings led to rejection and the loss of the friendship.)
Women, when I could get them at all, I think mostly were with me for security, and for me, I was with them because I didn't think I could do better, and hated being alone. Of course my gender stuff didn't help with any of that.
I'm mostly a bottom, submissive - the "girl" in a traditional hetero relationship. (Well, in bed anyway. In every other part of life I'm quite self-assured and confident.) I can top - I had to with women, but I don't enjoy it very much. I have my doubts I'll be with another woman again - I'm just not interested, and it was just never that good.
I am kinky - but I don't have, and never have had, a lot of outlets for that. I also seem to be monogamous. I tried a poly relationship, but that isn't for me either.
It is my own personal curse to be attracted to strong smart women. I blame my mom, who, in her own unique and subtle way, was a proto-feminist long before the label existed. On the dom/sub axis I am somewhere on the sub side. Is it related to my crossdressing? I haven't a clue.
In some Tantric practices, there is this idea that one can close their eyes during (in this example heterosexual) sex and imagine that the penis is a vagina, and vice versa. This allows one to breath into the intensity of sensation. The powerful tingling sensations in sex are not just based upon powerful thrusting. Technically speaking, this dynamic is different for other types of sexual expression.
I'm straight, though sometimes when I'm dressed and someone asks I say I'm omnisexual just to get over it all, but people take that the wrong way. As a straight man cding, I feel like some others who've posted here say, trying to be female for a day, or feel it for a moment anyway, because we cds just love women so much we want to be one, if only in our minds. So when I'm dressed and out on the town, straight Gina me likes to play with the guys' heads. Not the guys themselves, really, since they're such boors when they play back. It's the women who are friendly to me, and I love that. But I fantasize (isn't a lot of this fantasy? fantasy trying to feel like reality?) that a man will be a gentleman to me, maybe escort me somewhere, maybe kiss me and ask to take me up to his conventioneer hotel room so we can share fantasies for a time. Does that make me queer? Not that there'd be anything wrong with that. It's just not how I see it. The sexuality isn't really about the sex for me, more the being Gina, a fox in lady's wear.
I date men, and have sex with them, but I don't have sex with every guy whom I meet for a drink. Just as a general observation, and not as a universal trait, I have noticed that many of these men have been more aggressive with me than I am with genetic women. Now, I don't mean rough or abusive, just that they are more insistent, and press their advances on me more strongly/urgently. If I don't say "No" and really mean it, they just don't stop until they have their way.
I don't know if that's because it is their nature and they would behave the same way with genetic women, or because they expect that I'll be easy because I am a transgender.
In my experiences with women, my own nature is to more or less go slow, and be 100% sure that I am doing what the woman wants me to do.
In my experiences with men, if the individual is someone with whom I am already interested in having sex, I rather prefer a more ardent approach.
I am with you Paula....bottom, submissive, all girl when with a guy here. I enjoy being a girl with a guy. It makes me feel so fem and girly so I think that's a big part of it...and well...I like it
There isn't anything more I want than to share my dressing with my wife. I have been dressing since before my teenage years. I love to be dressed as often as possible. I like to be submissive, but the opportunity never arises.
For me as a heterosexual I've always made my lovers understand that what feels good for her feels good for me.
Ophelia
I really identify with this. I think it differs from the "typical" male approach. As I attempt to more fully understand what is truly feminine this desire to please isn't submissive. It's a sharing that brings happiness to both. When I'm Mary with my wife, I think she really wants me to feel feminine.
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