Reach out. You may be surprised.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I had to put a lot of thought into this post. i'm approaching 62 and grew up in an era where we were laughed at, lost jobs and relationships, and were generally treated as perverts or freaks. I don't think many of us ever found acceptance and even lost friends over the fact that we crossdresswed, or were maybe transgendered to any degree.

Today I read an article about Bruce Jenner who is working on a transition at age 65. The comments in the article were mostly favorable except for the few who were either somehow threatened by it or just wanted to express their sense of macho. That's how I perceived their phobic comments.

Over the past couple years I have admitted to mainly female friends about Cheryl. These are old school friends and some new friends. My hair stylist knows too. My wife of almost 30 years knows too. I can be ME!

I'm not advocating that anyone should go on a binge and tell everyone. I have done the revelation with a lot of caution. It is liberating and the fear and guilt seems to melt away. I won't offer this as advice but I only want to say that there are many in your circle of friends who might appreciate your honesty and accept you just the way you are. Proceed with caution if you do. I've had some wonderful and warm surprises!

Cheryl

[Jorja]

Being only a few years behind you Cheryl that world we grew up in is gone. Thank God! Some of us were able to push past the neanderthal thinking of the time and it has been gone for a long time for us. Others are only just getting their turn. While there are some pockets of resistance left, I think you will see those fall in defeat in the next few years. Of course, there will always be those that believe we are an abomination no matter what.

Like you, I would not advocate people go crazy and just tell everyone that passes by but there is no longer the shame or guilt associated with being a little different than the rest of the world that there used to be. Our work is not over improving our situation or making it better for those coming after us. The main thing is we do not need to hide anymore.

[kimdl93]

So far, I have to say that my experiences coming out to a select group family members, friends, neighbors and business associates has yielded overwhelmingly positive results. I do think the world has changed in massively positive ways, despite those few lingering reactionaries.

I'm not up to coming out via the tabloids or morning TV shows. But then I'm still living a compromise life, integrating some male expectations along with my personal preferences. I doubt Bruce has that option...anything he does in that pseudo reality lifestyle will be common knowledge within a 24 hour news cycle.

[DeeNile]

Every single person that I have ever came out too was a positive experience. In every instance, the only person with a problem was me. It was such a relief when I did. I may be out, but nobody has ever seen me dressed that knows. I want to work on that.

[Pat]

I'm about the same age as Cheryl and what I remember most is the isolation of thinking I was the only one like me. There was nobody I could ask questions of, there was no community, I didn't even have the vocabulary to describe what I was. All I knew was I just liked to put on women's clothing once in a while. The internet changed all that. Though we're few in number, we could finally find each other and establish that we're normal for who we are. That in itself was a huge weight lifted. I'm actually thrilled to see kids in their 20's dealing with their transgender nature -- they know the words to describe who they are, they have role models to help them find their way and their friends also know about the concepts so they have support and acceptance -- it's so totally AWESOME!

[Marcelle]

Hi Cheryl,

Very nice post. Yes, I agree the world is changing and tolerance is more prevalent then the past. I am one who has decided to come out to those around me (wife, family, friends) and with the exception of a few they ranged from tolerance to full support. I believe for the most part, people are more concerned with their own lives and problems now to worry about people who may be different in their opinion. Are there still those how hate, guffaw and would prefer to make fun of us . . . sure but, I believe they tend to be the exception and not the rule . . . at least in my own experience and where I live.

Hugs

Isha

[Teresa]

Cheryl,
I feel the same way ! I'm not looking for sympathy, just feel that I want to tell and share the other side of me which is just as real to me !
I do find the one sided media attitude more and more tiresome ! Why do they have to ridicule basically ordinary men and make them look and feel like weird social outcasts ??

[Alison 15]

I totally agree Cheryl. Certainly in the UK, television soaps regulary portray other minorities such as gay, lesbian and bisexual people as fellow members of society who quite rightly are treated with respect. However transsexuality/crossdressing is still something to snigger at.
Its small wonder that so many of us feel that we have to hide a part of ourselves for fear of ridicule and embarassing or nearest and dearist.

Alison

[phylis anne]

Very well written ,
I too am of the same age group and agree that the attitudes have changed ,but one must still proceed wiht caution ,especially where tragic gay bashing has occured -- it seems some of the world did not get the memo and think that if you wear womens clothes you are gay ! NOT!!! even if you are so what ? but these fears that have been mentioned by many here are the reason for the full closets of us .
hugs phylis anne

[Rhonda Darling]

Jorja and others.

Neanderthal thinking still lives in the Commonwealth of Virginia. From a recent Washington Post article found here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/...440_story.html. "RICHMOND — Deep inside complex legislation to legalize phone-based car services such as Uber and Lyft sat language meant to prohibit drivers from discriminating against gay or transgender riders." ". . . went unnoticed until the bill made it to the Senate floor. Once the passage was discovered, the bill was abruptly sent back to committee for what was described as a “technical” fix, stripped of that language and returned to the chamber, where it passed this week."

I belong to a very large group of wonderful TG/TS/CD women in the Washington DC/Northern Virginia area. They obviously know I'm CD. My wonderful fiancée knows and embraces me. Outside that group, I won't tell anyone because of the personal NIMBY attitude of so many. They profess publically to have no bias or discriminatory bones in their body, but their words in private often say otherwise. I fear telling one friend might end up being a tell to all friends, as they all seem incapable of keeping a confidence of such importance. Sigh. Thank god for my TGTSCD friends group, and for this wonderful community of TGTSCD and the many GGs that belong here and offer a safe place for rational discussion.

I long to tell my muggle friends, be fear the consequences. The media is absolutely no help. CBS morning news just commented on Jenner and when describing his ongoing transition, there was an undertone of smirk.

Rhonda

[Sarah Beth]

I think the change in attitude is relative to where you live. I have live places where the thinking was more liberal and more accepting. For the most part though I haven't seen that much of a change where I currently live. Where I am is pretty much anti anything unless in conforms to their strict conservative opinions. Not so long ago I lived in a place where someone, who was single, lost their job because they were having sex with, my oh my, another single person of the opposite sex. That just is immoral and acceptable. Another person at the same place lost their job because as I heard one person put it "he's just to fruity".

Even within my own family I wouldn't dare come out to any of them. I know from some of the comments they have made about others how they feel about crossdressers.

[CostaRicaRachel]

I have told two friends about me. They have a lot of misunderstandings about the issue,
I really don't like to talk about it, in part, because I don't know the answers. In hindhsight,
I wish I had not told anyone.

Even if the reaction is not bad, you have to think about what you want to accomplish by
telling someone.

[Jorja]

Jorja and others.

Neanderthal thinking still lives in the Commonwealth of Virginia. From a recent Washington Post article found here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/...440_story.html. "RICHMOND — Deep inside complex legislation to legalize phone-based car services such as Uber and Lyft sat language meant to prohibit drivers from discriminating against gay or transgender riders." ". . . went unnoticed until the bill made it to the Senate floor. Once the passage was discovered, the bill was abruptly sent back to committee for what was described as a “technical” fix, stripped of that language and returned to the chamber, where it passed this week."

I belong to a very large group of wonderful TG/TS/CD women in the Washington DC/Northern Virginia area. They obviously know I'm CD. My wonderful fiancée knows and embraces me. Outside that group, I won't tell anyone because of the personal NIMBY attitude of so many. They profess publically to have no bias or discriminatory bones in their body, but their words in private often say otherwise. I fear telling one friend might end up being a tell to all friends, as they all seem incapable of keeping a confidence of such importance. Sigh. Thank god for my TGTSCD friends group, and for this wonderful community of TGTSCD and the many GGs that belong here and offer a safe place for rational discussion.

I long to tell my muggle friends, be fear the consequences. The media is absolutely no help. CBS morning news just commented on Jenner and when describing his ongoing transition, there was an undertone of smirk.

Rhonda

As I stated, there are pockets of resistance. It is not going to happen over night. As I also stated, Our work is not over improving our situation or making it better for those coming after us. And lastly I stated, Of course, there will always be those that believe we are an abomination no matter what.

Be careful out there but... The only way things are ever going to change is to put it within sight and show them we are not freaks.

[Tracii G]

The smirk factor about Bruce Jenner is there in every article I have read and seen.
I do notice when a trans woman looks beautiful and sexy people accept it but when the trans woman just looks like a guy in a dress they don't and the mocking starts.

[pamela7]

so far, so good, positive responses from everyone, and follow-up curiosity from a male friend.
each positive response encourages me, but I'm aware of being careful for people who really neither want to know nor need to know.

[Joanncdnj]

As said by others, us, let's say mature gals, feared tar and feathers if ever found out to be interested in women's clothing. I for one, was sternly, physically and emotionally punished for getting caught in mother's undies. It has been a long road, but I feel that through my determination and rights, have taken down a couple of roadblocks for the future. There are a few people in my life that know Joann, and unlike Bruce, I will continue to only share her when the time is right, and thought is done so no others can feel any discomfort because of my preferences.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Well I'm glad I stirred up a lot of great dialogue. Everyone has a lot of great insight. As time goes by and we see the media even becoming more accepting of gay lifestyles maybe attitudes will shift toward an acceptance of our community. On the Today show this morning they announced to birth of a daughter to Jenna Wolf and Stephanie Gosk. No one flinched or gave it any negative attention.

I will stress again that one has to be cautious. Some friends can turn out to be less than friends and might tell others. There's something about secrets for people who feel they can't contain it and have to tell someone else to relieve that pent up story. Years ago I knew it happened to me because of some of the reactions I'd get from people I knew. They're history now and several chapters back. I don't care. They mean nothing to me now.

Telling a co-worker can be a disaster unless they are a real friend. Workplace gossip can be very nasty. I know that today bosses and human resources are trained to be sensitive to diversity but it all depends where you work. They can find or manufacture a reason to terminate someone.

But the people who matter most in your life will prove to stand by someone even for their diversity. I wouldn't go to a friends house dressed because I myself would look like a man in women's clothes. Maybe if I really worked at it I could pass and have the total look of a GG. I don't know.

I just know that I dress how I wish, some close friends know, I won't embarass them or make them feel uncomfortable, and I will enjoy the fact that I will feel comfortable with them having unleashed the burden of a secret I've held far too long. A great friendship or relationship is obviously based on honesty and trust.

Cheryl

[Lexi_83]

//when a trans woman looks beautiful and sexy people accept it but when the trans woman just looks like a guy in a dress they don't and the mocking starts.

That's true for GG's too - ask any woman who has had a child.

I had a spiteful GF who outed me to our friends, and I'd say three out of four stayed friends. This turned into a Good Thing. Not without plenty of teasing but also some support and requests to help other friends and family (like "where can I buy some size 14 high heels for my husband? ). I decided I couldn't hide it any more and I discussed it with my now ex wife before marriage, which took it off the table.

Did have some problems in the workplace in the past. Changed jobs and location and now keep this part of my life out of the workplace as much as possible.