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Thread: Friends ... They really can surprise you

  1. #1
    I've made it and love it Jennifer-GWN's Avatar
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    Friends ... They really can surprise you

    This post is about close friends and how they actually do know more than we think they do. As some of you know I started to transition in the fall last year. Living as a woman most of the time in my local area has been quite easy in part because I’m not well known. I often refer to myself as anomalous able to come and go relatively easily without the concern of being “caught”. Given my focus of work I have limited friends locally as well, however the new me is much more social than the old me. Most of my friends are through work and have grown significantly beyond the day to day work activities. A few have become pretty significant. As I continue my journey I’m increasingly but slowly closing in on my inner circle of friends and introducing me – the real me to them.

    Last evening was one such event. One that I’ve really been so wanting to come out to for a very long time. We are very close, talk every day. My struggle has been needing a time where we are actually together, in person, as I felt this topic wasn’t something to just through on the table as part of our normal phone conversations. She’s the first close friend I’ve come out to and the first within my work environment.

    OMG was I nervous. I’ve been warming her up to the fact that when we got together we’d be taking some quiet time to talk about something significant in my life. We went out for dinner together as we had a lot of catching up to do work related as we are driving our companies largest global internal conference this week so lots on our plate. After dinner I had her come back to my room for a drink (she put in her order several weeks back so that I could be prepared). We talked for bit; really just to get me to the point where I could actually open “this” conversation. I stuttered, I stumbled, as this was a first for me. Granted credit to many of you ladies here for being Sheppard’s on this topic and providing all the wonderful guidance and wisdom that you provide every day.

    I did notice that she was being unusually quiet and patient with me as I stumbled along. She kept telling me to take my time and If I didn’t feel comfortable “getting it out” that it wasn’t a problem; whatever the news is will come whenever the time was right. I have to admit that I was quite teary eyed in the process (and quite teary eyed writing this today in reflection).

    Long story short we had a pretty significant chat that went well into the evening and she was so supportive and accepting of me and my news.

    Now comes the punch line…. After an hour of chatting she pulled out our smartphone and pulled up a note for me to read. I was a note she wrote to herself a few days ago. She very dedicated to her work and often quite consuming but there are times when she just stops and reflects on something. Well the something was “what could be the conversation we are going to have...”

    Her note to herself simply said… XXX is going to tell me he’s transitioning and having SRS” Just one simple line with 11 words. You can imagine how surprised I was and that teary session suddenly launched into a short waterfall. Now mind you there have been some signs over the past couple of months but I was convinced that she hadn’t been putting 2+2 together and she admitted that she just had to stop and reflect on things a bit. I asked why she didn’t say anything and her response was “it wasn’t my place. I’m your friend and whatever is going on you’ll tell me when you’re ready”.

    It is so nice to have close friends and in this case a big sister to talk to. She’s very important to me and I knew that going into the discussion. Coming out just reinforced how important she is and knowing that I have her on my side is such a comfort.

    To all you transitioning girls. Find your friend, your close confident, it means so so much as we face the challenges that we do every day.

    Cheers… Jennifer
    I am who I am... I'm happy...I mean truly to the bone happy...and at peace with myself for the first time ever. I'm confident and content as the woman I am.

  2. #2
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    Jennifer;
    That was a wonderfully story, I am so happy for you, that you have someone that you
    can talk to on a high level.
    It is hard to find people like that, they are worth a pound of Gold.
    Rader

  3. #3
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    Wonderful story.
    It's great to have female friends, they are often a great source of support
    Many here do not understand the observational powers of females and their abilities to look at the smallest signs and figure out the big picture.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  4. #4
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
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    Jennifer, I love your story!!! I have a very close female friend that I have known for about 6 years, and when I came out to her, she told me a couple of things.

    1. About 5 years ago, she put lipstick on me in front of a group of 8 people. She remembered how happy I was and how I wore it for a long time.

    2. She told me how she felt a certain comfort level around me that she normally only feels around women. She didn't consciously know why, but subconsciously I must have given off some sort of vibe that I am a woman on the inside.
    I've finally mastered the art of making salads. My favorite is a delicious Mediterranean salad.

  5. #5
    Silver Member justmetoo's Avatar
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    That's wonderful, Jennifer! Sounds like a really good friend. (I'm a little teary eyed myself reading your story)

  6. #6
    Member Karen62's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer-GWN View Post
    After an hour of chatting she pulled out our smartphone and pulled up a note for me to read. I was a note she wrote to herself a few days ago. She very dedicated to her work and often quite consuming but there are times when she just stops and reflects on something. Well the something was “what could be the conversation we are going to have...”

    Her note to herself simply said… XXX is going to tell me he’s transitioning and having SRS” Just one simple line with 11 words.
    Jennifer, I had a very similar experience just last night, my first time coming out to a close pair of friends, but in my case, there was no Amazing Kreskin magic trick involved (I am dating myself with that reference, huh?). I just love the idea that she had this note in hand, ready to show you. That's freaky. Now if she starting bending spoons with just the power of her mind, that would be too much (just another Kreskin reference for fun...).

    Congratulations on yet another step forward. These are so important to us today. I personally can't wait for the day in the somewhat distant future where we just live our lives as natural women, free of our shame and fear of being outed. To just live freely...

    Karen

  7. #7
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    Wish I'd had a friend like that! That's really a wonderful story. Not one person I came out to saw this coming. Even my mom, who knew about my gender issues when I was a kid.

  8. #8
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
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    Beautiful story. Coming out can lead to even stronger friendships. Thanks for sharing.

  9. #9
    Living MY Life Rachel Smith's Avatar
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    Awesome news. That's what great friends do. Thank you for sharing.

    Karen there's nothing wrong with a Kreskin reference. Some of us were probably watching it with you.
    My parents should have known something wasn't quite right when I kept putting Kens' head on Barbies' body Rachel Smith May 2017

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  10. #10
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    Friends are wonderful! Friday evening I came out to a friend, having told his SO this past summer, I was finally ready to tell. It was my last day with the company, and they wanted to meet for a drink afterwards. I needed a little downtime as I was also dealing with the death of a very close cousin. He was just as accepting as his wife was, when I told her.

    It's such a wonderful feeling to let others know, and be accepted for who you truly are.

    Hugs,

    Leah
    Be nice; It don't cost nothing.

  11. #11
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
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    I have been amazed at how many friends from my life weren't surprised at all when I transitioned. Women especially were very tuned in. I had friends who knew me from elementary school in second grade who saw me at the high school reunion and said "I KNEW you were a girl, you were just so much like us, and so not like the other boys". Even in elementary school, the girls knew I was a girl inside.

    Straight men seem to have been the most surprised, but when one of them came up to me and asked "have you had the operation?", I asked him "why, did you want to seduce me?". He smiled and nodded, and I was flattered, but I pointed an my wedding set and pointed out that I was already taken.

    Several of my gay friends knew that I was feminine and assumed it was because I was gay but still in the closet. The girls could tell the difference between effeminate and feminine and I was definitely feminine.

    There were so many little give-aways. How I sat in a chair, how I sat on a couch or on the floor, how I held my books, how I looked at my fingernails, how I touched my hair, how I walked, how I talked. I thought I was doing such a good job of hiding it, but apparently, my female friends were just afraid they would upset me if they pointed it out.
    Facebook - Debbie Lawrence
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  12. #12
    Member Contessa's Avatar
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    Getting on this site and reading the stories you come across here. It is uncanny how they can be simular to yours. Now I must confess that this story is nowhere something like I would tell. So reading it was refreshing. It didn't make me teary eyed but did make me want to find that special friend I feel now that I need. Thanks for telling such a wonderful story. Best wishes.

    Tess
    [COLOR="blue"]Contessa Marie D

    I'm TG. A fem-male so I look male sometimes.

    Dressing is necessary, the type of clothes you wear not so much.

    This above all to thy own self be true!

  13. #13
    Senior Member Eringirl's Avatar
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    Tears of joy girlfriend!! I can only hope that I am able to find friend like that! Well done, I know that you have been wanting to do this and it does take courage, but you handled well, knowing the time was right. I bet it made the rest of the week easier for you knowing that you could relax and just be you around her. Chat soon.

    Erin
    Seize the day. Life is short, and you're dead a long time...just sayin' ...

  14. #14
    Junior Member bethw49's Avatar
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    I'm so happy for you Jennifer. I told my sister about 2 years ago about Beth. She was a little surprised but said she just wanted me to be happy. I'm an older woman and it was the first time I told anyone. Now, we're more like sister. I hope the rest of our life is filled with nothing but happiness.
    Hugs
    Beth

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    Quote Originally Posted by Karen62 View Post
    Jennifer, I had a very similar experience just last night, my first time coming out to a close pair of friends, but in my case, there was no Amazing Kreskin magic trick involved (I am dating myself with that reference, huh?). I just love the idea that she had this note in hand, ready to show you. That's freaky. Now if she starting bending spoons with just the power of her mind, that would be too much (just another Kreskin reference for fun...) Karen
    First, I remember the Amazing Kreskin . Second, I had a good friend that can actually bend spoons with her mind. You should see her other party tricks. I still had to pay for SRS because she could make penises disappear.... permanently that is .

    What few friends I had were always asking when I was going to have the operation well before I came out to anyone.

  16. #16
    Junior Member Jennifer8's Avatar
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    "There is no spoon" Neo

    That is really cool!

    Sometimes yours friends just know, ha sometimes they even know before you do!
    It was my friend Stacy that first helped me realize and accept who n what I was. After that I was alot happier n nice to be around, lol.
    I used to wonder why she even hung out with me in the first place cause I was such a mess but I guess she saw something in me I didnt. After i started getting used to bein me we started to date and now were married! I still cant believe sometimes i have the best friend sister wife i could ever wish for and her mom well my mom to now took me in when my real mom wanted nothing to do with me anymore

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