Below is her text, reproduced here, with her permission, cos I think it shows how we might expect to be supported:
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My husband has been wearing ladies underwear in bed and occasionally under his clothes since before I met him 12 years ago. Recently, he has realised that he is actually much happier if he is wearing ladies clothes on the outside too.
As the wife of a cross dresser, I have been looking round the internet, and came across this site. I have a few comments and a few questions for the ladies who post here.
Seventy years ago, it was absolutely not done for ladies to wear men’s clothes - it was considered far too masculine and quite frankly, scandalous. Today, how many of you wear trousers on a regular or even daily basis? Nobody even bats an eyelid, and men’s clothes are a staple of virtually every western lady’s wardrobe.
Also, how many of you indulge in pastimes which used to be considered a male preserve? DIY? Painting the house? Digging the garden? Looking after the car? Or do you limit yourself to traditionally ‘female’ pursuits such as cooking and dressmaking (where the vast majority of the famous names at the top of these areas are actually male)?
It seems that it is perfectly acceptable for women to encroach into the male world, but if men dare to have a feminine side then they have to hide it from everyone around them. We want our men to be caring, sensitive, considerate, thoughtful - all feminine traits - but not to express any other aspect of balance between feminine and masculine. Women, on the other hand, can behave either masculine or feminine, and nobody complains at all.
Our husbands have entrusted us with the deepest, most precious secret of their soul - because they love us and trust us. Some of them have felt nervous about sharing this secret because they fear the reaction from the people that they tell, and to be honest, having seen the way that you write about your husbands on here, they were right to be afraid.
I totally understand that knowing about cross dressing means a shift in the way you see your husband. He is no longer the macho man that you thought you married, he has another side to him that does not fit the image any more.
Lots of things can change our image of the person that we have chosen to spend our life with. What if he was involved in an accident, and had scarring all over his face? What if he lost an arm? What if he developed diabetes and became impotent? Would these mean that you would stop loving him, that you would ridicule him, belittle him, embarrass him at every opportunity?
I am sure not. He is still the same person. You would support him, and continue to be the loving wife that you were before that thing happened. Of course there would be some adjustments to make for both of you, but these would not be grounds for cruel and vicious behaviour towards him.
Cross dressing is not a disease, like cancer. It is not a medical condition, like kidney failure. It is not a psychiatric condition, like anorexia. It is not an addiction, like gambling. It is not something that can be ‘cured’ with treatment. It is an expression of a side of the personality that society has suppressed for perhaps the whole life so far. It is more like being told that you can never tell anyone that you like the colour blue, or the feel of velvet, or the scent of a flower.
Some of our husbands have hidden this from us for years in fear of how we would react if we were told. Some of them have been open from the start. Whichever, they have now plucked up the courage to tell us and share it with the one person who should be there for them and support them.
Lots of them could have handled it better, through embarrassment, awkwardness, fear or simply not appreciating that they are sharing with us something that has been going on for years for them, and that it might take us a considerable time to adjust and catch up.
How can you say that you loved your husband and not support him in his hour of need? How can you be so cruel to him? How can you spend all your time making him feel ‘suitably ashamed’ (as one person recently posted)? You play the victim, but you spend your time persecuting him relentlessly for daring to challenge your view of what a man should be.
Did you love the man, or just your constructed image of him?
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any comments? xxx Pamela
Originally Posted by pamela7
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