Hi all.
I'm trying to wrap my head around the concept of asking my wife to join this wonderful newly discovered forum. Would anyone mind sharing some thoughts? I always want to be open with her but I know I would lose the ability to ask for help here without her knowing. I tend to over think things. Or so km told. Thanks for any replies.
Vinni
Oh yes! She was all for it to and help me to decide it was the right thing for me to do. It seems that she understands that she can't supply the needs to relate on a common plane as other CDer's can. So she is alright with the way things have enlighten me and helped with my self expression and friends I've made here.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Fran
It's worth something just being around to Fuss!
Not a chance, I would be terrified to ask and know she would not only be uninterested, but not supportive either.
I still haven't gotten my wife to come here and read.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Mark Twain
Yes, my wife knows and she is also a member here...
My wife knows that I'm a member here, but she isn't interested in joining. She's been to many CD events that I've gone to, that's about all of the involvement that she does.
Dana Ryan
My wife joined but chooses not to participate. basically, she has no questions and needs no reassurance. My question for you is, why would there be a question you want t ak here that you can not ask her? Why would she care that you are asking questions?
Vinni,
Yes my wife knows. It was actually an idea that she had. We fought for years trying to come to terms with this side of me. She suggested a support group. I had very little luck finding one where we could commit to meetings and gatherings, time constraints have always been difficult for us to keep. So, through a bit of digging online, I found a few sites like this one. Here, the people seem to be more consistently friendly and helpful. I showed my wife my finding, we lurked in the shadows for about a week. I asked her if she thought we could join, if not could I join for peer support. She agreed to my joining and would think about herself joining. She too is a member now.
That is the obvious and can be found in most of her and my posts. We are here as a couple. We respect eachother and honor our commitment to one another. However, what you do not see in our posts is the communication that has opened up since we have joined just about a month ago. We used to go round and round, same aruguements, same verbal attacks, same defensive posture. This site has brought a new light into our discussions, a new respect for eachother, fewer digs at eachother and much more productive conversations with eachother.
Now, this has all worked for us. It may, it may not work for you. You know your wife best. If you really look around the threads, you will notice that many of the CDers have limits imposed upon their dressing by their spouses. Many are fine with these limits. Many have found a happy place for themselves while still holding their commitment to their relationship. So, think long and hard about how your wife will respond. If she may be understanding, then I'd say go for it. If you think there is no way in the world you think she'd tollerate any of this, maybe you should keep this to yourself. Either way, people here will support you, not everyone all the time but always some will.
About the questions you'd like to ask... Yes, there will come a time, if she is a member that you may have something you want to just throw out there for the members to sound off about but your wife may see it and it could get you into hot water. This is definitely a risk. I've already come across this exact scenario (not with a thread I've started but a post on another thread) and you may have to look at it as an opportunity to communicate rather than a chance to fight.
Best of luck,
-E
Last edited by Erika Lyne; 02-11-2015 at 01:29 AM.
**Just trying to happily be me.**
Hugs!
-E
The benefit in having you both join is the ability to discuss the threads you read, to see what applies to your situation and what doesn't, and to use these threads as a springboard for discussions on how you feel about some of the issues.
I gather you want to ask certain questions that you're afraid your wife will read because you don't want her to get the wrong impression (thinking that you may want to take it further than she is comfortable with)? A word of advice: let your wife know where you're at with all of this. Trust me, it will be easier on your relationship in the long run if you do.
But … if there are certain things you'd like to discuss that are truly private (for example if you're feeling frustrated with how your wife looks at the CDing, or if you have fantasies that you only want to discuss with other CDers), then there is a private GM (genetic male) forum you can join.
There's also a private forum for your wife to join (FAB - female at birth), if she wants to process some of her feelings with other GGs (our shorthand for genetic girls).
Reine
When I had the big talk with my wife after she found out about my cding I spilled every bean so this forum was one of them, and although she is perfectly fine with me being a member here she isn't interested at all to join. She rather talks to me about the subject or one of her chat friends (A guy that has no relation to me, our friends, family or what so ever)
do not label me for i am unique
Yes she knows I belong this forum
Yes, my wife knows. She doesn't want to join
After reading so many of the unhappy posts onthe SO forums, I would be scared to death to have my wife join. It has taken decades to reach our current state of detente. Don't want to screw that up.
I would not worry about asking her to join, if she is interested she will ask and would be reading some of the posts you submit.
As you have just discovered it let it be seen on your computer and get a reaction from from your wife at a later time.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Don't make her feel obliged to join. If you need to tell her you've joined a crossdressing forum, say exactly that. Who knows if you'll continue to participate here- it's very early days for you to be worrying about including your SO!
I used to have a short attention spa
<--- Geez.... my wife doesn't even know I can look like this... <shrugs>
Honestly - sharing a life with someone doesn't always mean sharing everything...
Do it for a while by yourself first - my experience is that ones opinion of this place will vary and shift over the first 2-3 months anyway...
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
My wife is a member here. I like to post things that will antagonize her so we can have a good fight.(PC people call it communication). Let's see if she'll take the bait this time (if she's still reading here).
And I hope she finds the humour in this, otherwise we'll probably have a real fight.
Last edited by Jenny Elwood; 02-11-2015 at 08:42 AM.
My SO is a member here and it did NOT help her because she saw every extreme along with "wise" advice that "every CDer would do this" or that. It took two years to get her to start listening to me again. This is not the fault of the forum. It is the typical know it alls pontificating on their absolutes to fearful and emotional victims.
So if your SO is on this forum, you and the SO must have a running dialogue of what is applicable and what isn't. And you must be truthful. And she needs to concentrate on the facts and bank down the fears and emotions.
Again not the fault of the forum.
My wife does not know about this forum. I would not invite her to join. Things get posted here that I would not want her to read.
Originally Posted by BillieAnneJean
Exactly why my wife opted not to join. There are a few folks who seem to think that their way is the only accepted one. We both miss PantiesEtc and the more open discussions.
My wife knows I am a member but has no desire to join. She is fine with it being a place for me. She is happy I dress and encouraging but she says it is something I enjoy and not something she really is interested in. She has not met laura yet at least not full blown and says maybe someday but not yet. She says as it makes me happy and that is were she gets pleasure knowing I enjoy it. Then she gives me two new lipsticks she got for me saying I think these colors will look good on you. Lol. She is great we talk make up and cloths and shop together her only border is she does not want to see me dressed in person pictures are fine but not in person. Hopefully someday that will change.
My wife knows and is a member here but rarely even looks at the boards anymore. She has no questions and needs no reassurance and is rather annoyed by the vast amounts of complaining done by some of the GG members. I keep encouraging her to voice her supportive viewpoint but she really isn't all that interested.
My wife knows I am a member. She doesn't want to join, that's cool with me. She hopes that coming here helps me understand and come to term with the internal struggles I have, as I sit here in a pair of shorts with a 1%er support shirt on and a pair of wedges.
Few things here. My wife knows I dress but isn't supportive at all. I am not allowed to dress in front of her. When I try to talk with her about my cross dressing, she just shuts down and won't talk about it. Once I suggested we dress together, learn together, and for her to get to know Connie. Maybe someday, but for now I have to deal with this anguish. I have just recently joined your group, very informative. I have thought about showing her some excerpts for wives, but she won't comply. So after this long explanation, my wife doesn't know about me belonging to any crossdressing site.
My dear wife accepts that I am a crossdresser, understands that it is a part of "ME" like my eye color, and to a degree supports me. (The woman is a saint.) She is aware that I frequent this forum. She does not care to read the posts, even though I have suggested several times that she find out first-hand what is in here.
That is MY SPECIFIC CASE and should not be mistaken for a recommendation.
There are many really great threads that provide insight to the lives, aspirations, and fears of TG/TS people. There are also threads that make ME cringe, and I'm on the inside. I cannot imagine their effect on a heartbroken or vindictive spouse. Prior to inviting your wife to this forum, I think it would be wise to be certain that she understands that she may find some content that does not reflect your needs or feelings. Even so, you encourage her to discuss it with you.
Best wishes
MsVal
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