in my case Pamela my wife was floored when I came out to her.
she told me she had no idea and had a nervous breakdown over it.
almost 4 years later she hovers between tolerant and supportive
but our marriage is much different now and I have lost her total
trust forever.
My ex-wife had absolutely no clue about my CDing or my gender issues. I can say this with certainty because when I came out to her, it was a marriage ending event. Had she known at any other time, either before or after we'd started our relationship, I feel quite confident she'd have ended it as well. She has rather rigid ideas about what constitutes gender, and gender roles.
I hid this for years - the feelings and history of gender issues for 20 years. That was easy, I just didn't talk about it. I hid CDing from her for about four years. At first, when it all started up again, I simply bought things while she was out of town at times. I'd carefully purge the day before she returned, checking several times to be sure I hadn't missed anything.
As I began to dress more, purging became prohibitively expensive, so I hid things in places I knew she would never ever look, dressing only when she was asleep. I frequently stayed up later than her, and worked after she slept. I limited the number of times I dressed, to reduce the probability she'd wake up and come downstairs and discover me. This was not easy to do, especially towards the end.
As my gender dysphoria increased, I began to need more - breast forms, wigs, body hair removal. The latter was problematical - it was impossible to hide something like that, and she liked that I was hairy. Unfortunately, hair is one of the big triggers for my GD.
One of the main driver's for coming out to her at all was that I realized discovery was inevitable. I needed this so badly, and so frequently that hiding it was a game I'd lose. I was also so miserable that suicide was something I contemplated quite a lot. So I knew she had to be told, because whether it was dressed, or dead by my own hand, she was going to find out sooner or later.
She had to be told.
thank you Paula,
Your strapline says it all, for me "i'd rather live a hard truth, than exist in a comfortable lie."
When the two choices are divorce, with an otherwise good marriage, either quit dressing, (RIGHT! like that will happen!), or a well hidden stash are the only choices.Originally Posted by mechamoose
I'm sure if she saw your avatar she would change her mind.Assumptions can be dangerous bedfellows Pamela... never assume anything either way, would be my motto.
As to my 'stash', I am 100% certain that my wife cannot discover it... it is simply physically impossible for her to get there...
As far as my habit goes: she knows that I enjoy painting my nails (but I think she thinks it's a throwback to Airfix kit days [thank you Christine...]); she knows that I shave my legs; she encourages me to pluck my eyebrows; she tells me that I dance like a girl... but she's so 'small-c' conservative as to make me avoid any conversations about gender issues, sexuality divergence or alternative 'lifestyles'... I'm pretty sure it would be the last thing she would suspect...
But she knows that she's loved and I'm completely dedicated to her - why would she think anything else..?
And she's at least a couple sizes smaller than me and I've never been tempted to pillage her lingerie or anything else - I know it's a common theme but not all of us do it...
Seriously...
Katey x
This is hard but I'm in love with a girl. Do you find you have two lives? one dressed and one with her?
I know my wife knows but she never speak it out loud. I allways have the hope she will find my hidden lingery accept and confront me.
I am afraid to bringt it in the open myself and face the consequensis. So it all the same with me.
Inside it is still a roller coaster of feelings.
I have one of those nosey, sometimes plundering wives. For many years early in our marriage my dressing was limited to panties and the occasional lingerie, and then only in the bedroom. Indeed, our annual Valentine's evening tradition became both of us buying sexy female lingerie for each other.
I also kept a bigger stash of other girls clothes hidden where I thought she would not find. Guess you could say I had one foot in the closet and one foot out. When I did finally work up the courage to out myself fully, she simply shrugged and said, "I was wondering when you'd tell me about your other clothes. You know they won't last long you keep them balled up and in a bag like that."
The rest is history.
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