I hate Valentine's Day

[Leah Lynn]

I had a total meltdown yesterday. I started a new job, OTR trucking, and got home Thursday night. Up yesterday morning, usual routine, before heading to the office, cup of coffee and a quick view of the news. My wife has been gone a little over two years, but I still talk to her. I turned to her chair and started to say something and totally lost it. I cried for a good two hours. So many memories came flooding back from when I drove OTR before; come home after a couple weeks on the road, and the kids yelling "Daddy's home!", a hug from all. Hugs, kisses from her.

Coming home to an empty house is painful. Not feeling a loving embrace, a passionate kiss, hearing "I love you, Sweetie!" I spent four days in a bamboo cage, being "urged" to participate in lengthy "conversations". That was a piece of cake compared to the hell of being so damned lonely.

I could go buy flowers, go to the shed and give them to my Harley. But, I'll probably leave Smallville, go to Metropolis, and have a single girl's night out. It's always fun to feel lonely in a crowd.

Do not worry; I'm NOT suicidal or anything. Just living out the adage that even the mighty oak will break someday.

Leah

[Jorja]

Sorry this time is so painful for you Leah. Just a suggestion and I know that human contact can not be replaced. Maybe a dog or cat could help you not feel so lonely at times like Valentine's Day or Christmas.

[RADER]

I can relate, It will be two years for me in April. She was my soul mate, she was OK
with me dressing, and would even dress me up from time to time.
I am retired, so more time alone, Seeing her everywhere I look.
All we can do is to have fond memories and remember all the good times we shared.
Keep it between the ditches, drive safe.
Rader

[Kris Avery]

Leah,

I can't imagine. I am currently married to my best friend and it's her 3rd and my 2nd. We joke that it didn't take me 3 tries but it did for her.
Losing her would be like losing a child.

My heart goes out to you on this day and all other days as well for that matter.

It's absolutely not fair that a bonded couple can't leave this life together - if they would wish to have it that way.
-W

[marshalynn]

Valentine day has been very sad day for me for a long time, my wife went in the hospital on valentine's day twenty nine years ago, she past away seven days later on the 21 of feb., at that time we wear married 22 years, that was 29 years ago today, still miss her very mush. Marshalynn

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

Leah Lynn, I can only try to imagine your pain and lonelyness. I feel for your loss.
I am an OTR driver and have been married to my soul mate for 24 of 25 years together and would be absolutely devistated if I lost her. She accepted me completely after my telling her of my dressing the night we met. She buys some of my clothing and has taught me about makeup and how NOT to dress in certain fashions. My wife has Fibro, Lupis and sarcoidocious and I worry about her when I am on the road and we talk very often on the phone while I am on the road.

[justmetoo]

Aw, my condolences. The line from the old poem, "'tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all", makes me wonder. Some people are fortunate to find love, only to lose their loved one at some point, That loss can be devastating, and I don't know if it ever really goes away. On the flip side, some of us never (or not so far) find love. So we don't have it to lose, but we never have it to enjoy either. I don't know which is better or worse, but people I know who have lost a love like that seem to be glad they had it in spite of the sorrow.
Best wishes to you, Leah Lynn.

[Nicole Erin]

Wow, and here I was feeling sorry for myself because my supposed "girlfriend" and I got into it.

I am assuming your wife is passed on. Just know this - you two kept your vows, til death do you part.
However, death only physically parted you two. You still love her and she still loves you. That will never go away.

That is the shit thing about life. Something good comes along, enriches our lives, resets our groove, helps us find a new level of comfort, and then just like that, it is taken away. And it hurts.

I live alone myself and yes it is VERY lonely. Late at night when no one is there to hold, talk to, go to when we need comfort... I don't know, it is just, it is so very hard. It makes a person why they even bother with life.

Though it is not of much comfort but please try to remember that you two were a team til the end and you both love each other dearly.

[Starling]

I've been lucky, so far. But it's fear of loneliness more than anything else--my advanced age and health concerns, finances, etc.--that immobilizes me.

Lallie

[Cindi Johnson]

I lost my wife also, Leah. She was just 47. She did not like her TG husband, yet she loved me, and God, do I still miss her so. Especially on those bad days, those down days. It's been years since she passed, and I'm probably more girl now then guy, yet I think she'd still love me.

Cindi

in this world
we walk on the roof of hell
gazing at the flowers

[angpai30]

I will have been divorced 4 years once March 31st hits. I was married for 6 years. I don't know if I'll find anyone again who will accept that I'm a trans woman and so I'm not really trying to find that perfect someone. I have been on plenty of dating sites, but none of them have produced anyone who is willing to do an LTR with a trans woman. So, I guess I'm doomed to be lonely for the rest of my life. My condolences honey.

[DeeDee1974]

I haven't had a valentine's day date since my divorce 3 or has it been 4 years ago ( I hate math). Well at least not a romantic date. My friend jenny and I did dinner and a movie tonight. Her treat ��. Now were laying in bed watching a movie, chatting and check out okcupid profiles for messages. Maybe next year will be different.

[charlenesomeone]

Leah so sorry for you.
Have you considered a change of houses if the memories get to be to much?
Hope it gets better but know you will always miss her.
Hugs

[Henriette7]

Leah, I feel strongly with you and got tears in my eyes when I read your thread. Love is what life is all about and when that is taken away from us, it hurts in every part of our body. It reminds me about what I have right now and also tells me to appreciate and cherish every single day. You should know that you are among friends here, that are ready to support you when you are in the lonely corner. I know you have gotten a lot of advises from the other great girls here, but I was thinking that maybe you should think about other relationships or maybe even a new partner in life.

Big hugs and hope the days get better for you

Henriette

[Leah Lynn]

Thank you so much dear friends. I did go down to Des Moines, and ran into some acquaintances. We proceeded to do an anti-Valentines night out. It was quite cathartic. Today I spent at a bike show / swap meet, and ran into some old friends from waaaay back. We talked about the old (ancient?) days and the hell we raised. All in all, it turned out to be a good weekend.

Jorja, my landlord doesn't allow pets, and I wouldn't be able to take one in the truck. I started a new job, and we only handle food grade commodities, so no critters. Lord knows, I love dogs, and would adopt in a heartbeat.

Charlene, I may need to move anyway. The company I now work for is 80 miles away. I have no family here anymore, so there's really nothing keeping me here.

Henriette, I would love to find someone, but so far, no one seems interested in me, other than a few guys looking for a one nighter. Not interested there. I did fall head over heels for a lady a while back. We went out as friends a couple times, but she wasn't interested romantically. She was very decent, never crass enough to tell me to go crawl back under my rock, but did give off enough signals, telling me she wanted distance. I've thought about her every day since, but will not annoy her again. I've often heard that when you quit looking, someone pops into your life. Hasn't happened yet, and I've given up hope. I'll be alone the rest of my life. Can I marry my Harley??????

Hugs all,

Leah

[Michelle789]

Leah, I can totally relate to your feelings. This year was the first time that I ever had a Valentine's Day date in my entire life. In fact I am in my first relationship ever in my life (since June 25, 2014). So for 34 years, well 21 since I could have started having a Valentine's Day date, I have always been dateless every Valentine's Day. It was such a depressing feeling each Valentine's Day seeing other couples enjoying their day together. It was so refreshing to see the change occur for me this year.

[Starling]

...She did not like her TG husband, yet she loved me...

How sad. That's the boat I'm in now, and it is a terribly lonely one. I will have to lose her to gain myself, and it will break our hearts.

Lallie

[Angela Campbell]

Can I marry my Harley??????

Hugs all,

Leah

Not in some states