Flowers, Being Female, and St. Valentine's Day

[Beth-Lock]

It seems that today, the day after Valentine's Day, flowers are even more so, evidence of the joys of life as a female. I did not understand this, even after I changed gender, (as living full-time, 24/7 as a woman), until I ran into difficulties, in fact an artificial depression due to side effects of a hormone regulating drug, (though not HRT). As I coped with it, some female acquaintances, tried to help me with it. One thing I remember that seemed to work, was buying myself some nice cut flowers, and I still don't know, why clinging to this symbol of the beauty of nature, a beautiful bright spot in my life that I could possess and be as a result, be more satisfied with my life No matter how it worked, work it did and it was one of the things that helped reassure me and get me through many bad days, at that time.

Since then, I have never again needed the comfort of flowers. Today, I bought a bouquet of roses on sale at Walmart. I have put them in a nice, artistic glass vase and have attached a card to the vase, as if it had been a Valentine's gift to me, from someone else. This little self-deception did help to sooth my anger, at being still alone, and having dealt with so many transitory and worse, friendships. Of course, I have completely withdrawn from seeking a partner, and some time ago too, yet, it remains an echo of what might have been, had things been different, and the flowers still sit on the bookcase here. A vase of bargain bargain basement roses, is not such a tacky tokenl of the female life as all that, is it?

[charlenesomeone]

Good for you for making yourself feel better. Pretty flowers, might try that too.
Happy Belated Valentines Day.
Hugs

[KellyJameson]

For me transitioning solved one form of loneliness but exacerbated another. It solved existential loneliness as that weird sensation of always being surrounded by people but never being able to profoundly connect with them because of the vessel I was living in being malformed to express and connect with others. The body was between me and everyone else as to the social roles and experiences that come out of it.

Being born mis-aligned caused (created) dissociation from my body so I was inside looking out but not a "part of anything" so was removed from "experiencing" always playing the role of the observer that circumstances forced on me.

This is completely gone with transitioning so for the first time I and my body are one and now that I fit into my body I more readily fit into everything else. All that tension is gone from constantly trying to "force things"

This is different from interpersonal loneliness where you are unwanted because of external circumstances which was a rare occurrence "pre-transitioning"

Now I have the problem of interpersonal loneliness to solve which is a more normal problem to solve as being that problem everyone has to solve. The problem is everyone else figures it out slowly as they build a life but for a transsexual they are "dropped into it"

For myself I'm going back to school and expanding on my hobbies and interests to "put myself out there"

The question in my mind is being transsexual how will this effect others as to "inclusion". Inclusion was always easy before because "God knows why" people liked being my friend but I wonder now how open the doors will be and whether or not I want to walk through them from the perspective of being "on the other side" as viewed by "everyone else".

Another reason why transitioning as early as possible maybe the best path to take. In some ways transitioning is starting all over again from the paradoxical position of never having started in the first place.

In my opinion loneliness is particularly dangerous to those who transition and everything possible should be done to combat it.

[gonegirl]

The question in my mind is being transsexual how will this effect others as to "inclusion". Inclusion was always easy before because "God knows why" people liked being my friend but I wonder now how open the doors will be and whether or not I want to walk through them from the perspective of being "on the other side" as viewed by "everyone else".

I'm not sure what you mean about the "other side", Kelly. Are you asking how people will view you as a transsexual, or as a woman? The reality will play out very differently for each scenario in every respect. Inclusion/exclusion is just one area of life that is affected, albeit a major one.

In my experience, If people perceive me as a woman then I am regarded as such. If people perceive me as transsexual or if they witnessed my transition/knew me from pre transition and recognize me or are told by someone, then I am almost universally regarded as Trans. My preference is the former, a woman, in all respects. One reason being that I've already had enough trans-exclusion in the last 18 months to last the rest of my days.

[Leah Lynn]

Seems to be a rather common thread with us. Sitting in a bar last night with some friends, I watched several couples come in, the ladies holding bouquets, and beaming. Yes, I felt a wee bit jealous; of the flowers and of those ladies having someone to give them.

And still, we persevere.

Hugs,

Leah

[LeaP]

Tacky token of the female life? That's a little blue, don't you think? I really don't know about their being evidence of female life, but flowers are powerful symbols. What they mean in a given context, and the emotions they can evoke, are the result of a complex mix of cultural associations and memories. Toss in some core disappointment and it's no wonder you feel as you do.

...clinging to this symbol of the beauty of nature, a beautiful bright spot in my life that I could possess and be as a result, be more satisfied with my life ...

A revealing statement, I think.

[KellyJameson]

You captured it perfectly Simone with the phrase "Trans-exclusion"

I'm finding this more difficult to escape from than I thought it would be. Perhaps I was over confident or perhaps I'm being overly sensitive.

There is acceptance as being (politically correct) and than there is acceptance as people being genuine.

I have been an outsider my whole life and I did not transition to become an insider. For myself I'm not living in-between (trapped between body and soul) anymore but I still sense to many that I am still in-between as to now being neither man nor women, at least to some who have known me all along. I suppose my fear is that this will be my future even with new acquaintances.

Some girls are cool with the T in front of their names and are out and open about who they are and where they come from but I just want a simple, vanilla, non exciting, extremely boring existence as to being lost in the crowd and invisible.

It is like a type of discrimination but with something else added. It is that sensation of being humored like a child and not taken seriously.

It creates a type of loneliness that comes out of "condescending niceness" or maybe I'm being paranoid but I'm not usually inclined toward paranoia, but being oblivious.

These are my problems and I expected them and was even many times warned of them, just not sure how to work through them yet.

No one said it would be easy and if anything everyone said the opposite.

Transitioning has changed me so much I'm not sure I know my own mind anymore. I know I'm in a much more healthy place because of it but I also do not understand my own emotions nearly as well as I did in the past. I seem to be playing catch up to my own mind as it hurdles into the future leaving me behind. It is unnerving sometimes.

I was told by several who had transitioned that the real work happens afterwards. I just did not understand fully what they meant or maybe I did not want to believe them.

The other side for me is that freedom to just finally be free from all this stuff. To be like everyone else and not trans anymore in the eyes of others. I could lie but than I risk being trapped in a lie. It is not so easy to escape your past and maybe not even possible and than I wonder if I should really try. Maybe it is unhealthy to try. I'm not ashamed of my past but I do not want to be held prisoner by it either. It's all so very complicated and I just want simplicity. I crave simplicity and have since childhood when it was stolen from me.

After a lifetime of it I'm exhausted by it. I want to be done with it. I want to have a boring normal life. I want what everyone else is trying to escape from.

I want my white picket fence with a little house if that makes any sense. Not having a normal life leaves me feeling lonely and all the money, intelligence, education and beauty cannot fix this.

I totally get the feeling of not getting flowers. Normal girls get flowers.

[ReineD]

On Valentine's Day I bought my SO flowers as I always do. My SO didn't give me any but that's OK, they're on the table for both of us to enjoy. I love flowers, and I frequently buy them to beautify a room.

I got my SO flowers on our first VDay because I wanted to make a gesture that acknowledged my SO's femininity. I wanted to make her happy. I suppose most men would think it weird if their wives got them flowers.

[Jennifer8]

not every girl likes flowers. Stacy made it really clear to me she doesnt like getting them ever! and IDK I sorta like them but there not really important to me. She knows she can buy me some stupid little gift a funny or cute button and will make me happier then flowers

you know is really nice and she really loved???? NO FLOWERS lol right! So I got her a edible arrangment its fruit that sorta looks like flowers she loved it!!!