Another Personality?

[nikki2014]

Last night my wife and I were at dinner. We go out about once a weekend to ourselves sometimes once every two weeks depending on what is going on. Well last night was our night out and we went to dinner before our normal shopping trip. We go to a Mexican restaurant and have a margarita with our meal. Of course one margarita lead to two. Well of course the subject of my CDing was brought up. The margaritas definitely added to the conversation. I few weeks ago I told her my CDing name was Nikki. She had a hard time with it and didn't want to hear about it. Well since then she's made a few comments, in a good way, about Nikki. So last night she started asking questions about Nikki. She asked where I wanted to go shopping and I replied with the normal places is fine. She asked where Nikki wanted to go and I replied wherever was fine. She asked what did Nikki need and I said anything really. Well then she made a comment that I was referring to Nikki as if she was another person. I said well in a way yes she is. She said well does she need to come out a bit more because if that's what Nikki needs then maybe she could work something out. I said I don't know if I really needed that but more or less Nikki just needed someone to talk to, someone to be friends with, ask questions, and share stuff with I said that if she got to know Nikki then I think she would think Nikki was a bit of fun. She said I didn't marry Nikki I married Nik. He's the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I said well yeah, there's nothing different about Nik. Nikki just wants an outlet. She said well you have the forum where you have voiced some things and I'm sure you've made friends there. Well of course I have but it's not the same. I want someone to talk to.

I am extremely grateful I have a wife like her. I know a few margaritas help the conversation along which I'm glad because some things needed to be said or discussed. I don't think Nikki is another personality it's just someone I relate to that allows me to CD. Nikki doesn't take control over me and I dress when and how I want when I want. So what do you think? Do you have an alternate personality that is your CDing self or is it just you in girl mode? How do you see yourself in CD mode?

FYI - We did go shopping and she helped me pick out a bunch of panties and bra's that fit. She even had a smile on her face too when she was helping me as if she was content and happy for me.

[pamela7]

I'm just me, it's just like I'm letting out a bit of me that rarely expressed before, if ever.
In a sense our femme persona is an alter-ego for us, but then so is a ventriloquist's dummy, it gets to say and do things we can't. I feel the same with Pamela, she can do things, hug or cuddle, give empathy in a non-male way, and I like it.

[marilyn m]

i think my fem side is one and the same, it can be very difficult for partners to understand, if you have an understanding wife that is fantastic, i just prefered marilyn if you can be sympethetic to youre wifes needs thats good,

[Nadine Spirit]

I am me regardless of how I am dressed. I think some may think I "play" more womanly while dressed, but as my wife knows, I can be more womanly or manly regardless of how I am dressed. I am just me.

But honestly, I have only been able to find me by allowing myself to dress more and be okay with my gender non-conforming behavior. By doing this I have brought out my fem side more so, but also have a greater appreciation for my male side as well.

[Angela Marie]

I don't think it is another personality. At least for me my femme side has always been there just hidden. It has become much stronger over the past few years and I have embraced it.

[Melody A]

I used to think of Melody as more of a seperate identity but now I realize that she is simply an extension of myself (My feminine side personified). I believe that "she" harbours certain emotions and attitudes that tend to come through much stronger when I let her loose, not so much that she is another personality.

Mel

[justmetoo]

I don't think I'm much different if at all, whether I'm en homme or en femme. Either way it's just me (hence my user name). It's possible I let some aspects of the real me come a little more to the fore en femme than en homme, but if so not by much. Also, I think the more I have come to accept myself the more I have become the real me in general. I do use my femme name when I'm talking about my femme side with people I know, just a shorthand. Sort of a separate mode of being but not a separate being in itself, if that makes sense.

Anyway, it sounds like things are pretty good with you and your wife. Good that she's asking questions and learning about this stuff. And even helping you shop and all (with a smile, even better).

[Tiffany Jane]

Glad to hear your wife was open to discussing, helping, and allowing an outlet for you. With an opportunity for balance, I would imagine you will both find the experience to allow you to be yourself and she will have Nik. I would say that if I repress Tiffany, I become less of my own personality. If I am able to express myself, allowing all of my needs to be met, I am much of the same person my wife married, though at the time she didn't know that it meant outlets for what appears to be another person, much less a woman.

[ReineD]

My SO and I had a similar conversation at the beginning of our relationship. It felt odd to me to refer to the feminine aspect of my SO as a separate person, sort of like having multiple personalities.

I struggled with how to get around the language and my SO and I determined that we needed to stop referring to my SO's feminine expression in the third person, for example by saying things like "Does M want to dress tonight? Would M like to wear this or that?" etc.

So instead I say, "Do you want to go out dressed tonight?" Of course no one goes out naked, but the term "dressed" implies wearing feminine clothing. When looking at a female clothing catalogue, even if my SO is in guy mode I'll ask, "Do you like this dress, or do you prefer that one?" Or, "This weekend, do you plan on getting your nails done?"

This made a big difference, I think, in how my SO perceived herself. Up until then his/her male/female selves were separate, there were separate interests assigned to one or the other personality, and s/he didn't even keep the male and female clothing in the same room. Now, everything is much better integrated and my SO is always the same person, no matter how dressed. Honestly, it barely registers when my SO gets out of guy mode.

[Marcelle]

Hi Nikki,

When I first started introducing this part of me to my friends (male and female) I could tell for some there was some reticence in meeting. After initial awkward moments, they settled, I settled and we just went about our normal conversations the same as if I was "en boy". Some approached me a few days later and said they were expecting a completely different person but in the end it was just me, same likes, same wants, same interests, same humour.

Like Reine and her SO my wife and I never refer to Isha in the third person when we are talking. It is "are you going out dressed today?", "do you like this sweater or how about these shoes?" . . . it helps to normalize things for us.

Hugs

Isha

[Maria 60]

I don't believe it's an alternative personality but more of a way to speak in public or maybe my wife does want to separate them. When I am dressed we still talk about the same things and she has even told me that I am easier to talk to when dressed and take advantage of it. When we are in stores and she see's something she believes I would want, she will ask me "do you think Maria would like this". I believe she wants to separate them in some way.

[phylis anne]

For me it is like being clark kent (superman) when the need is felt I jump into my other clothes and emerge as phylis quite relaxed and sociable grea t stress reliever I did go to work under dressed the other day and people in the shop spent all day trying to figure me out ! nice mood one of them said where is grumpy old phil and what have you done with him , so all iin all a good day
hugs phylis

[Lily Catherine]

I am Iris and Iris is me. I find it awkward referring to myself in the 3rd person. Despite my real name (or exactly one spelling of it) being unisex, I would rather not be known as that en femme. Not sure if that's the norm for heterosexual CDs (as I am).

[~Joanne~]

MY SO likes to have fun with my femme name and that's OK with me. I don't ever refer to myself as anything but me just dressed differently. If we are out shopping, like yesterday, if someone is within ear shot, she will say "Do you think Joanne will like this?" or "This is in Joanne's size", but then sometimes she'll just blurt out, "This will look good on you" or "This will fit you" which is more common

[Pat]

I have a slightly different take on it -- I am the same person no matter how I'm presenting; the same being is making decisions, evaluating situations etc. But the question was personality.

Jennie's personality is very different from my male personality. The latter is a standard uptight, reserved New Englander who has to know a person for about a year before he'll say hello to them. Jennie will talk to strangers, touch them (in a socially acceptable way,) is willing to take social risks that male me won't/can't. Male me can summon Jennie when he needs to but usually doesn't and vice versa. And to your topic, my girlfriend loves to be out with Jennie...

[Tracii G]

ReineD makes a solid point that is what has worked for me in the past with girls I have dated.
They knew is was just one side of me and not a different personality.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Nikki, I'm Nick too, in the vanilla world. I was Nicky as a child, and a number of adult friends always called me Nicky and I really liked that, so Nikki was a very small step.

Nikki is part of a whole, but for all I know there may be more to me than Nick+Nicky+Nikki: there may be a Nicola too, that remains to be seen.

Anyhow, allowing our femme sides to see the light and breathe the air isn't about changing personality, it's about expressing the personalities we already are, the parts of ourselves we've repressed and suppressed for a very long time. I see this as wholesome development, forward movement; not a perversion or distortion of who we've appeared to be for so long.

Hope that helps.

xNikki

[susy]

i have and easy answer but i'm young to say that :/ the femme side of me is the real me , the other side is just a mask of me, tha't what i think

[pamela7]

Nikki is part of a whole, but for all I know there may be more to me than Nick+Nicky+Nikki: there may be a Nicola too, that remains to be seen.

Nicola probably comes out to play in sunny Spain (or Mexico)?

[Rachelakld]

MPS
Rachel is the only sub-personality I let out to play.
We tend to inter-switch quite a bit, depending on what is happening around us, and it's a very fast switchover, makes a blink of an eye seem slow.
We also sometimes blend, that is while in one mode or another we suggest things to each other (no not voices in the head)

The psychic tell me I have a "split soul".
I'm unsure what they mean as it was a public show and while family thought it funny, they didn't feel it was right to discuss it on stage.

I have another 2 personalities that I've had to bury, but they don't always stay buried

[Pat]

Nicola probably comes out to play in sunny Spain (or Mexico)?

I kind of assumed it was the mad scientist side (Tesla.)

[Beverley Sims]

Nikki,
Just another form of progress, keep it going and don't push it.

[meganmartin]

I find that regardless of how I am dress I am the same person.
However I do tone down some of the things i would do dressed in drab.

[DeeNile]

I feel that i am always me. I dont have a female name or personna that overcomes me. On the other hand, my wife has alluded more than once that i have an almost secret double life. I can see her point of view, but its only secret because she doesn't want to participate and i am too chicken to ask her for help.

[nikki2014]

So there are some great points here and a few questions of confusion came to mind. My wife is becoming more and more accepting of Nikki. She has made a few comments about Nikki but in a good way. But she has also made references to her that she doesn't want to meet her or know Nik as Nikki. She said she just can't handle that part of it. But what makes it more confusing is that when we're out shopping I don't know who she's talking about when picking out clothes. She and I are about the same top size, M or L. I can wear her same size bra but don't fill the cups unless I have my forms. We can wear the same panty size of M or L although a L is a bit big on me but still fits whereas a M fits just right. Pants size is the game breaker. She is a 10 easy, (I say she's more of a 12 but I don't dare tell her that). I am a perfect Size 8 (pants only though). So when we're out shopping and she picks something up, I have no idea who she's making reference to. Is it Nik, Nikki, herself? So I stand there confused as to who she's buying it for.

I also feel as if I'm Nik and when en femme mode, I'm a lot more relaxed, as some of you have stated. I'm still me but the more caring, loving, gentle, and sensitive part of Nikki comes out. My wife has made reference to me saying that Nik needs to be more of these and I agree. So when I am en femme I do feel these things. I don't feel as if there's an alternative personality just a part of me that has been repressed for years is just now being allowed to come out.

I also feel the need to talk to someone and my wife is the one I want to talk to and share things with. I also understand for her that things need to be taken slow before this can happen. So in the meantime what do I do and how do I solve this?