Not a Good Day - This is not a feel good thread

[Alice Torn]

Ophelia, We almost never , on the media here, hear any Canadian news, unless it is something big. Not even much about weather up thar! i have know of Canada being a bit less crime ridden. But, i guess lawlessness, and meanness are alive and well EVERYWHERE.

[Angie G]

I'm so glad it wasn't as bad as it may have been Isha. Some jurks don't deserveto be called humam. They will someday get theres.
Angie

[Allisa]

I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. I'm sending healing vibes your way and I think your wake up call has been received by all who read it. Recover soon we all need your smile.

[steftoday]

So sorry to read of this. Please take care and heal quickly!

[Danielle_cder]

Oh my god.

[justmetoo]

Thank you for sharing this with us openly and honestly. It's true anyone can be subjected to attacks, no matter how they are dressed. I sad it happened to you (or anyone). You did what you could given the circumstances. (I'm well-versed in the "fetal position" defense from years gone by - when I wasn't en femme, just subjected to almost daily attacks for other reasons)
I think the personal violation and feelings of not being safe are the hardest parts to overcome. I guess therapy can help, and learning from the experience.

sadness

[Caden Lane]

Isha, I am so sorry to hear of this incident. I hope you mend quickly. Your story reminded me of the dangers that still exist out there, and reiterated my resolve to always travel with protection. It also reminded me to always try to travel in groups, or have a wingman as it were to watch my back. Take care friend.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane

[Maria 60]

I hate to say it, but the story had to be told. The same way we tell our children to watch out for this and watch out for that, we must tell our selfs to watch out for this and watch out for that. It's to bad it had to be a living experience, I weigh a heavy heart for you while reading this thread, and anger. I hope in time you can get passed this and move forward. I am sorry this had to happen to you, but as hard as it must of been to tell this story I am glade you did to remind us, dressed or not dressed its not always a pleasant and safe world. Hope you get well soon and hope you keep us updated on your recovery. I don't know what else to say to make you feel better.

[Jilmac]

Isha, it's unfortunate that you were confronted by the three boors, your wounds and ego will heal but people like them will never change. There will always be hate and prejudice by those who believe that others who don't live up to their standards, are lesser human beings, However they are living proof that the neanderthal age still exists.

[rocketscientist]

I don't want to beat a dead horse Isha, but I have to express my relief that your ordeal was not worse than it was too. Also I want to say that I am with those who say that the scum responsible needs to be stopped. If it happened to you, chances are it has happened before and or will happen again. These guys think they got away with it and will believe they can do it again. I gotta wonder how many others have been their victims.

[justmetoo]

I think there are a few lessons for all of us here:
1. anyone can be attacked - try to stay as safe as you can
2. bad things can happen to good people no matter what you do - I think a key point here is, it's not the victim's fault
3. there are good decent people - and I think/hope they are the majority

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Oh my Isha, this is really dreadful. I am so glad you have gotten out of this with what you describe as temporary wounds from the cowards. Thank goodness for the kind strangers that interceded.

I do want to add my thanks to you for openly sharing your story as it makes us all more aware of the dangers that we can face. Dangers we may not be as aware of in our male experience as we should be.

It sure strikes me that even with your combat and MMA experience that you were still subject to this outcome because of the 3 to 1 ratio of force involved. That’s sobering to desk jockeys like me without the related experience. I suspect that being en femme mode you were at some level caught “out of context” for a physical confrontation and further disadvantaged from the start as a result?

Thanks again and best of luck to heal quickly!
Hugs,
Steph

[Shayna]

Glad to hear you are safe

[PaulaQ]

I'm really sorry this happened to you Isha. I've known others who have faced similar situations, and awful as this was, sadly it could have been worse. I'm really glad that it wasn't. I hope you get to feeling better soon. My heart breaks that this happened to you, you are such a nice person.

Transphobia is real, folks, and there are those out there who will do us harm. This is extra bonus harm, over and above the usual harm that is targeted to women. (We get that too.) Some people go looking for us even, meaning to do harm.

So just imagine living your life, and having to watch for something like that everywhere you go, 100% of the time. I don't know how this would've been handled had you called the law - it's clearly a hate crime. In Texas, though, it would merely have been an assault. There are no hate crimes defined by law against trans people. Violence against is is excluded from such a classification.

Probably the safest thing you could've done - and I'm not criticizing you at all Isha, would've been to return to your vehicle, if possible, and go elsewhere. I've had to do that before. If that isn't possible, dialing 911 on your phone and telling the people about it before they attacked might have made them think twice. Failing those things - you may well have not had time to mess with your phone - you really did the best thing you could've done.

I'm so sorry.

[Della]

What to say is difficult. No person, regardless of anything that sets them apart, deserves such treatment. I hope you are "okay," not just physically, but truly okay. You are far, far braver than I. And you have my utmost respect for who you are and what I see through this site. I wish I could be so bold, not just with the incident you described, but in life.

I haven't read other responses, but I bet many say, to some extent, "thank you, Isha," for being you.

[grace7777]

Hi Isha, I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you, and hope you heal fast.

Your story makes me realize that I cannot take my personal safety for granted. At times I know I do that. I have never been a victim of violence while dressed en femme, but there were 2 incidents a couple of years where I was fortunate not to have had anything bad happen to me.

[Tracii G]

I'm glad you didn't get hurt really bad or even worse.
I think its best to relay encounters like that here just for educational reasons.
Always watch whats around you and stay vigilant.

[Sarah Louise]

Hi Isha, I'm shocked and sad to hear of this. What a bunch of cowards, but i m so glad some decent folk came to your rescue. I hope you feel better soon. Sarah

[jaleecd]

Isha, very sad to read of your incident. Please report this to the authorities, this type of assault needs to have the light of day shown on it. these creeps need to be drug out from under their rocks and shown for the cowards that they are.
We pray for a speedy recovery and peace to you and yours.

[Dorit]

However, as bad as it was it could have been worse and what I took away was not as some may think . . . that going out dressed is dangerous. Going out anytime regardless of how you present is dangerous . . . this could have been just as easily a mugging. What I learned is that irrespective of the haters out there, there are those who are decent and will help regardless of how they see you.

First, I am happy it was not worse and I hope that your healing will be swift. I agree with your larger perspective on the attack. Being Jewish can be dangerous, being Black can be dangerous, being Muslim can be dangerous, being White can be dangerous. You have reminded us all of the hatred and intolerance out there, it is sobering, but we cannot be led by fear.

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Thanks very much for your kind words and support. The physical pain is subsiding and I am sure I will heal quickly (albeit not as quickly as when I was younger ). As many have pointed out, the biggest thing that bothers me is that I broke every rule of physical confrontations, number one . . . never show your back to a would be attacker. I should have just let them walk away before turning and that is the hardest thing I have to contend with in my mind . . . stupid, stupid, stupid. Oh well, live and learn and that mistake will not be made again.

WRT reporting to the police while I have not dismissed the idea out of hand, there are other mitigating factors which dissuade me in doing so. Primarily while in theory this could be construed as a hate crime, legally, it is plain and simple assault. While a Bill is moving through Parliament which would make such a deed a hate crime, it is not there right now so my report would be under the guise of simple assault. I have lots of friends in law enforcement and I have consulted with them in this regard and while they all believe I should report it just to get it on paper, they also provide me with the reality of this process. One friend, on his own initiative did some background checking (the same he would do if investigating). The individuals paid cash for their drinks and dinner . . . so no paper trail. The serving staff at the restaurant remember the guys in question but only from the perspective of three white guys of various non descript features and they do not appear to regulars as none of the staff have seen them before. There were no surveillance cameras in the restaurant or the parking lot. So the chances of finding these guys is slim. Alas, there would be no CSI team to follow-up on leads nor any sting operation to see if they pop back up on the radar. It would be investigated and most likely wind up as unresolved pending more evidence.

Now say they did manage to find these guys and even if it was not plea bargained down to assault with probation and wound up in court, I would have to face them in court to which I am not concerned. However, my wife is concerned that should they walk (which they most likely will) they will know who I am and now I have placed my wife in a precarious position of being in danger for retribution or payback. Yes I may sound paranoid and I am not saying this would happen but you never know and to be honest, I don't want to run that risk. This could also end up in the media and while I am open with my life choice I am not prepared to be a national poster child yet. All this to say, a report is not off the table but I need time to think and reflect on all the knock on effects before making that decision.

The guys who helped really wanted no thanks they were more angry at the D-Bags than I was . . . hence my renewed faith in humanity. I will heal, life will go on and all will be well. Will these guys do it again? I can't answer that question. I did note a hint of beer induced courage in all of them so it could have been the booze but it also could have just been pure hate. My desire now is to put this behind me, heal and go on with life as it is too precious to waste ruminating on the "what ifs".

Thanks again

Hugs

Isha

[PaulaQ]

The reason to make a report would be in the case where these guys do this again, but this time get caught. Another witness testifying against them (you) could reduce their chances of walking. Even if you didn't appear in court, the prosecutor might be much less inclined to offer them much of a plea bargain if you also ID'd them in a line up.

I also understand not wanting to be further involved in this, and your concerns about your wife's safety. Those are valid reasons to not report it.

A lot of us who are trans never report crimes against us.

[Amanda L.]

Hi Isha
When I heard the news I felt compelled to break my exile from here to offer my heartfelt sympathy for what you experienced. Nobody deserves to be treated like, especially a kind and compassionate person like you. I hope your recovery is swift and complete , both physical and psychological.
Please take care
Love
Amanda x

[CostaRicaRachel]

That is terrible. I really don't understand why things like this happen.
I don't understand these people. I really feel sorry for you and I hope
this does not change the way you are living. I never think something like
this could happen to me, but this shows it could happen to anyone.
I really don't know what the proper reaction is. If we change the way we
live, they win.

[Jenny Elwood]

Sad to hear of your ordeal Isha, hope it goes better soon.