Help with a question

[yaeri]

Hello, Greetings.

I originally posted this in introductions

Do you think i might have a gender issue? or Just a male that like to think hes different?

[KellyJameson]

You can be male or female and be kind or shy.

I personally do not think one sex is superior over the other and would be worried about someone transitioning because they think so.

I do not know if you are a feminine male but often feminine males are bullied for being feminine but this also would be a dangerous foundation to build a gender identity out of, in my opinion.

I would be concerned for anyone who identified for "reactive reasons" with the opposite sex.

Being a failure in the eyes of the world as a man would be a dangerous reason to identify as a woman.

I struggled in male roles because they were unnatural to me from having a brain that is sexed female placing me in opposition to my body and socially in all that this implies.

This unnaturalness was continous and constant and not occasionally depending on circumstances.

I was not timid,shy or frail but withdrew from life because of how I experienced and was shaped from trying to force myself to live life "unnaturally".

My identity was not imposed on me by "not being man enough" but from knowing I was not a man.

I rejected men as my identity because I always experienced them as "the other" as how most women experience men. I like men and sometimes prefer their company over women but I still experience them as "other worldly".

They think differently, they feel differently and that is because they are different from being "male sexed" regardless of whether they are heterosexual,homosexual, ect....

It has nothing to do with their sexuality but about how their brain is "sexed" so it goes much deeper than sex and touches all things.

In my opinion you want to be sure you identify with women for healthy reasons. Not because you fail as a man as a failure imposed on you from the outsides (frail body) (submissive,timid,shy,passive) but from the failure that is inevitable from what you are on the inside "before the outsides ever mattered".

In childhood I rejected boys as to knowing I was not one of them far more than they rejected me from sensing that I was not one of them and actually it was not so much rejection because I often befriended boys but simply the recognition that they were "other worldly" so strange to me no matter how familiar.

It is very subtle and nuanced.

Try to understand the distinction between being a feminine male and a transsexual woman.

From my point of view transsexual women are nothing like feminine men.

Feminine men versus masculine men live on a spectrum all to themselves that has nothing to do with women. I have never met a woman who reminds me of a feminine man. Not even close.

[yaeri]

Thanks for the input. I understand what you are trying to say, I too have thought around those lines. I never felt ive failed as a man though. I just accepted more of a feminine role with out actually realizing it.
Although it is true that i have not struggled being a man. Im more along the lines that i feel that id rather be a woman.

Feels like it suits my character. I don't mean that girls have to be shy etc, Im aware that it has been proven there is no emotional difference between the two. I just as a child i identified more with the "female stereotype "more than the male.

[DebbieL]

I read your introductions link, and based on your description, there is no doubt that you are transgender and at least a 4-5 on the Benjamin scale, possibly approaching a 6.

You are probably also somewhat intersexed. You might consider having the doctor take two blood samples, one using your male name, the second using your female name (and different last name), to see how your results come up.

There are dozens of factors and types of this condition ranging from low T level or androgen insensitivity to mothers not realizing they were pregnant and still taking birth control pills for the first 8 weeks or mothers who took DES which had high levels of estrogen and was used to prevent miscarriages. The condition can manifest as anything from small boy bits to undescended testes to ovatestes (testes and ovary combined), and so on. There are even a few rare cases where males have had a uterus that was not discovered until he needed surgery for an abdominal condition.

It's quite likely that you are struggling more with fear of the consequences than your true desires. For many of us, and our loved ones, the biggest struggle in transition is not who we are, but how others will respond. Will we pass? Will we be able to go out in public? Will we be rejected by parents, siblings, lovers or spouses, children, communities where we are respected? We have become masters at deception, or so we think, yet it's only in transition that we find that we were keeping it a secret from ourselves more than from others. When I transitioned, I went to my high school and college reunions, and nobody was surprised. Some were actually relieved that I had finally resolved that struggle.

Gender dysphoria has nothing to do with gender preference, and we may even have different preferences as male and female. As a boy, I was asexual, struggled to have sex, and didn't enjoy it much. As a woman, I was bisexual and was attracted to "sweet" boys and strong aggressive women. There are some girls who enjoyed girls as men and enjoyed men as girls. Often there is some degree of bisexuality because we see both men and women different. We often experience the violence of other boys and men when growing up as boys, then experience kindness and courtesy as women.

Going to a therapist AND your doctor are BOTH good ideas. The therapist will help you sort out your desires and goals, but will also help you with making the hundreds of changes you will make as you transition, including the grief and loss of some, and the adventure of discovering new things. My first gender therapist would give me assignments, and I would have to go to various places, then describe my feelings.

[phylis anne]

DebbieL nice response however I did have a question r/e blood test I am curious as to why it would make a difference in the results by using both ones male nama and female name ? is it a procedural result based on gender ?
hugs phylis anne

[yaeri]

It's quite likely that you are struggling more with fear of the consequences than your true desires. For many of us, and our loved ones, the biggest struggle in transition is not who we are, but how others will respond. Will we pass? Will we be able to go out in public? Will we be rejected by parents, siblings, lovers or spouses, children, communities where we are respected? We have become masters at deception, or so we think, yet it's only in transition that we find that we were keeping it a secret from ourselves more than from others.

Gender dysphoria has nothing to do with gender preference, and we may even have different preferences as male and female. As a boy, I was asexual, struggled to have sex, and didn't enjoy it much. As a woman, I was bisexual and was attracted to "sweet" boys and strong aggressive women. There are some girls who enjoyed girls as men and enjoyed men as girls. Often there is some degree of bisexuality because we see both men and women different. We often experience the violence of other boys and men when growing up as boys, then experience kindness and courtesy as women.

Yes, im also kind of worried how people will accept me like this. Also the thing is i never really hated being a man. I guess because i never really felt like a man either, I always just copied the girls. I did not really question anything. I did it because it suited me more and i liked being that way with out a second thought.

As for sexuality, I love both really feminine quiet girls, to Stronger controlling girls. As well as feminine men (Look like women). Lots of times i also wish i was treated more like a woman while in bed, and out of the bed.

[arbon]

Do you see your mtf transsexual friend as really man instead of as a woman? Just wondering because of the pronoun you used in your introduction.

[yaeri]

I would say he said "himself" by his own words. Maybe also because he never went through with the transition. He told me he wasn't allowed to in the end. I did not ask why

[arbon]

Thank you for clarifying