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Thread: A sense of purpose? Come clarity? Sound track to your escape?

  1. #1
    The non-GG next door.... Candice Mae's Avatar
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    A sense of purpose? Come clarity? Sound track to your escape?

    Continuing on in my attempt to understand CDs, I have another question for you ladies. We've cover almost every "why"? But, what I wondering is whats your goal as a CD, what are you doing to achieve it? And why is the goal important to you? What do you think will happen when you achieve your goal? Will your outlook change causing you to create new goals, or will you stay put?

    And props to anyone that gets the references in the thread tittle.

  2. #2
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    Hi Candice, to me a goal implies a plan. I've never made a plan. Certainly, at some unplanned point, I wanted to go out. Going out is a sort of public declaration of who I am without outing myself. All I want from going out is to be comfortable as I am. Today, I still have no goals and no plan. I have a simple desire to be comfortable.

    BTW, not an In Flames fan

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I achieved my goal as a CD when I was 21, I wanted to look and pass like a woman.
    I had a small frame 112 lbs and was suited to rather curvy and frilly dresses.
    All full style and with full petticoats.
    My girlfriends were a great help in moulding me and when my lifestyle changed and I abandoned the share house with them I had achieved most of my dreams, living as a girl for six months continuously was part of it.

    If I had the opportunity I more than likely would have continued the hormone treatment and transitioned.

    Later in life I organised mock weddings, a great outlet for me.

    I have no goals now just to live life and explore the world which I have done a number of times.

    When I go on holidays part of it is as a girl and the rest androgynous.

    You do have to pander to a wife's requirements.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  4. #4
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi Candice,

    Just curious . . . what is about CDs you don't understand? When I read back over your posts, you started here CD and moved toward being TS so I am assuming you know something of the condition

    Anyway trying to "understand us" is as insurmountable as me asking all men or women to tell me what their goals are and where they see their lives heading then saying, I have figured out all men/women. We are all different and discovering the goals of one will not necessarily lead you to the conclusion of who we are. Some just want to feel good, for some it is sexual, others it is an innate need and their goals will be flavored by that drive.

    Isha

  5. #5
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Sorry, but I didn't begin this journey with an outline of achievements and I don't have a plan or goal now.
    I'm just being me and enjoying it.
    Not everything in the world needs to be structured and planned out with bullet points and an end game.

    Just have fun....life is too short. Just ask Spock ... "Live long and Prosper".
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  6. #6
    Silver Member justmetoo's Avatar
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    I can't say I have a goal. Except maybe to be true to myself, and express a part of me? But there's not an end to that. I mean, you don't achieve self-expression and then stop.

  7. #7
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    My original goal was to discover who I was. I've gone way beyond that since making my feelings my own. Now I create myself on a day to day basis in an additive way building on previous learning and accomplishments. Works for me.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  8. #8
    Member adrienner99's Avatar
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    I have struggled with the BIG WHY for decades. No answer other than that, when I am dressed, I feel "right." I feel this is me, this is who I am. My goal is just to balance two conflicting lives. I am not "out." I hope to look as female as possible when dressed, without giving anything away in male mode. I won't arch my eyebrows, pierce my ears, etc. This is far from a perfect life, and some will say I am not being true to myself. But i have two selves. I adore women's clothes, dresses, skirts, heels, lipstick, perfume, etc. I hide that self not so much out of fear, but out of practicality.

  9. #9
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    It's ironic that I found this post as once again I am feeling frustrated and unhappy about my CDing journey. I am now 53 and have wanted to dress since I was in high school but I never worked out they way I wanted. I don't necessarily need or want to be passable enough to go out in public, but I would like to look like a nice lady like so many others here do. I am very jealous of so many of you ladies here. I really never has CD goal in mind as I never really set goals in any part of my life as it seems they never happen, why try if I fail and don't get to my goal all the time. I feel like such a loser.

    Andrew
    Last edited by Andy1087; 03-01-2015 at 01:53 PM.

  10. #10
    Member Anna Stouf's Avatar
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    If you ask CD'rs why they do it, one of the things most of them will say is that it relaxes them. And one of the ingredients of relaxation is NOT having goals that you are constantly trying to meet.

    When I was working, I always had to set goals. And I always hated those quarterly meetings with my boss and management team when I had to discuss and submit reports about how I was doing on achieving my goals. Ugh! The only thing that kept me sane was the fact that I was underdressed and no-one but me knew it. I would sit there in the meeting doing my presentation, while feeling the nylon slip that I had under my business suit.

    Now that I am retired, no more goals! Woo-Hoo!

    Hugs,

    Anna
    My favorite dress is a Dirndl.

  11. #11
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
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    I have a hard time setting goals or achieving clarity because the base I work from seems to change on a regular basis. As Lewis Carroll wrote in "Alice's Adventrues in Wonderland"; “I wonder if I've been changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!”

    I'm at an age now, 65, where just waking up on the green side of the ground is a pretty good daily goal. If I can wake up and have options on how to face the world with a smile on my face, that's even better. Once I accepted my crossdressing as a part of my life, things did seem to settle down and I seemed to have a bit more flexibility to explore. For those looking for a goal, achieving peace of mind is one I would highly recommend. Getting over guilt is a good one and I'm almost there, but abandoning fear is still a work in progress. It looks like transparency is going to be the key to that last one and I'm trying to figure out how to do that within the constantly changing set of circumstances I see around me.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  12. #12
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Candice - I think you're expressing a question that is likely common amongst folk who fall into the large(r) buckets of the gender mosaic - by that I mean cis-gendered males and females, and transexuals (who for me, in simplistic terms, are just 180 degrees in opposition to their physical gender). And I think this underlines why we are so hard for normal society to accept as, despite having your own individual challenges in presenting against your physical gender, you can't grasp why so many of us occupy this confusing and inexplicable middle ground, of 'part-time girls'.

    But then we don't really grasp it either, do we..?

    To address your question regarding goals: The significant one I have now (and which is a developing one) is to have some enjoyment with this condition in a social way. Compared to some of you youngsters, I am a complete novice in getting out and socialising, but I find it completes a need for me to have this aspect of my persona validated, even if only by other trans* and trans* friendly folk. My outlook has already changed in the past year or so - which is staggeringly rapid compared with the previous 30+ years (I blame you lot! ) - but I'm pleased to say that for me, it isn't a rollercoaster gathering pace in a shroud of pink fog...

    I think there is another aspect for you and other younger folk to consider - and that's a general perspective on life. Until a few years ago I used to have mid- and long-term life objectives - they were rarely written down like career MBOs, sometimes they were, but they were always in the back of my mind. Then my wife experienced a developing medical condition that has literally turned our lives upside down. These type of events tend to make you consider the relative futility of life objectives and bring a sharp perspective to the more experiential aspects of life - and I think that is something that comes to many of us with age too.

    My point being - life (whether you are trans* or not) shouldn't be considered a series of check boxes to progress through on a list, or phases of a project. All too soon you realise you've missed opportunities to experience aspects of life that won't necessarily come around again, and the best way to address the future is with a totally adaptable approach that says: "By golly and by God, I don't know what life has in store for me but I intend to wring as much enjoyment out of it in any way possible while there is life in these wrinkly but well-manicured hands!"

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  13. #13
    Junior Member Stephanie Morgan's Avatar
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    Interesting thread.....especially considering my wife and I were having a discussion along these same lines last night. I never really thought about any goals, at least not outright. I simply want to be me. To be comfortable in my own skin (which I am still working on so I guess that counts as a goal right?). And to just have fun with life. Don't really have a plan for doing that, except to keep on doing the things I enjoy, like CD'ing.

  14. #14
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    Candice ,
    We may have covered many of the WHYs but not come up with all the answers, I still find it important to find out what makes your CDing tick ! Especially when you have to try and explain it to others !
    My goal at the moment is to be more open and accepted so I can be at peace with it ! Achieving that may result in me dressing less but hopefully free my mind to do the other things in life I should be doing ! After that well at sixty three I may have run out of time, I don't mind if I can die happy and others are comfortable with all aspects of my life ! Sounds like it could part of my epitaph !!

  15. #15
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    I have no goal, and no interest in a goal, that's my old left-brain world before i awoke to the more important (to me) experience of "creating without outcome".
    I am experiencing, and allowing life, the universe, and everything to interplay with me.

    When something as unknown and apparently irrational as our desire to cross-dress emerges, like any compulsion, there might be short-term desires you could call goals, like "today i want to wear blue". :-)))
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  16. #16
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    I don't think that CD's in particular need any type of goals, end targets nor plans. We may have some short term ones like going out or wearing a wedding dress, or whatever, but more specifically who we are and where we want to be with ourselves in the future are not really needed. Accepting who and what we are is much more important. Many, many people here over think and over worry about the why's and where's of CDing. I truly believe that over thinking and worrying about it all leads to just as many frustrations and anxieties as the more important questions of how to we live with what we are satisfying ourselves (not just physically) and those other important people around us, how we find our individual balance point, how we tell those that need to know.

    A question back at you: Why do you need to know?

  17. #17
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    My "goal," if you can call it that, is to live my life as the person I am, not as others wish me to be. I achieve that goal every time I put on a dress. I suppose there were some mini-goals along the way, like accumulating a reasonable wardrobe or developing the courage to go out in public or learning to be proud of who I am, but I achieved those some time ago. They were never an end in themselves, just a means to an end.

  18. #18
    The non-GG next door.... Candice Mae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Isha View Post
    Hi Candice,

    Just curious . . . what is about CDs you don't understand? When I read back over your posts, you started here CD and moved toward being TS so I am assuming you know something of the condition
    Isha
    I understand CDing, it's the desire to come out or put your self in a situation to be outed. It's kind of like repeatatly touching a hot stove eventually your gonna touch one of the burners and get burned. And hiding a secret from loved ones is another thing I don't understand. Those that should know you should be truthful with.

    For me it was never really CDing as Ive always had gender identity issues, it was mostly just a way for me to apease my female gender I felt inside of me. For me I never had a problem accepting I was TS, for me the issue was learning to be comfortable and embrace the real me in public.

    Quote Originally Posted by Katey888 View Post
    Candice - I think you're expressing a question that is likely common amongst folk who fall into the large(r) buckets of the gender mosaic - by that I mean cis-gendered males and females, and transexuals (who for me, in simplistic terms, are just 180 degrees in opposition to their physical gender). And I think this underlines why we are so hard for normal society to accept as, despite having your own individual challenges in presenting against your physical gender, you can't grasp why so many of us occupy this confusing and inexplicable middle ground, of 'part-time girls

    Katey x
    You hit the nail on the head there Katey.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    BTW, not an In Flames fan
    Ahh, I was hoping it would take longer for some one to figure out.
    Last edited by Candice Mae; 03-01-2015 at 05:21 PM.

  19. #19
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    Wait what, we're supposed to have goals now? Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Why can't we just be a pack of dogs chasing cars?

  20. #20
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    I have only one real goal in life and that is to be happy, joyous and free. With wearing wearing feminine clothes, dressing up etc., I get a certain feeling( I've heard it refered to as the pink cloud) that I haven't found doing anything else. There are many aspects of my life. When I play guitar I am happy but it's a rather different feeling than dressing or when I'm rock climbing, so on and so forth. For me it boils down to just being me, not only accepting myself but embracing myself, loving myself. Who knows maybe 10 yrs from now I won't want to dress maybe I'll be fully dressing all the time. I take life one step and one day at a time and am grateful I get to be a part of life today. Any who that's just my two cents.
    "It's the possibility of making dreams come true that makes life so interesting." Paulo Coelho

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Sarah-RT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zylia View Post
    Wait what, we're supposed to have goals now? Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Why can't we just be a pack of dogs chasing cars?
    Did I ever tell you how I got these scars?

    A question to answer a question here but are we CDers in a form of purgatory or limbo? We're one gender wishing to look like the other but rarely do it publicly or for long, we don't all transition of even many of us and we also can't stop. Seems like while the TS members have their own harder challenges they do move on while we get stuck behind.

    Seems we forgot to pay the ferryman and are still waiting on the banks of the Styx, unable to move forward but no longer able to go back.

  22. #22
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    My "goal" is progressing to living full time, being passable at it, and going forward with a real life after decades of denial, self hatred, alcohol/drug abuse, and involvement in high impact full contact martial arts to punish a body I despised for being male.
    My timeline seems pretty good on it
    and my soundtrack is "the return" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVGfNTEF9YI

    I don't generally follow goth bands, that song spoke volumes to me.

  23. #23
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    For me it is the journey, not the destination, that is most interesting.

    Ineke

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member Jackie7's Avatar
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    It never occurred to me to have a goal until you asked, but in thinking about it I realize that I do have one. It's not to transition, and it's not to pass as female. It's to become the most elegant, confident, and interesting cross-dressing man that I can. When we talked about it last night my darling wife said I am part of the way there and getting better all the time. Right or wrong, I'm choosing to believe her. As to what I will do when I get there, well, it's the journey that counts, isn't it, even as the holy grail continues to recede.
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    Last edited by Jackie7; 03-02-2015 at 10:00 AM.

  25. #25
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    As far as purpose goes, I've always mentioned that I dress for the sake of it, though I'm still trying to uncover any implicit or subconscious motives I have ever had. There isn't exactly any further end for me besides my limited dressing being an end in itself, as opposed to anything that aided me in achieving something tangible.

    I find it jarring that, within the confines of my mind, I am able to describe the 'lower outcomes' (ranging from sexual arousal, to attractiveness, delicateness, all the way to a peace of mind) of my dressing when I never set any intangible goal and/or 'higher outcome'. At best it remains 'I intend to wear this skirt / achieve this silhouette / feel this petticoat caress my skin'.

    But at the end of the day, the ultimate meta-question – why do we want to know why? – still drives these threads I guess. I can only answer for myself: to be sure where and who I am, and where and how I am going.

    That being said, passing as female would be the greatest success on my part, but once again, I have no known underlying reasoning to actually do so. For the sake of it indeed, I guess.

    Also, as far as soundtracks go, Muse's Butterflies and Hurricanes is where it's at for me despite my lack of any major CD-related aspirations yet.
    Last edited by Lily Catherine; 03-02-2015 at 11:20 AM. Reason: Sound track to my escape added.

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