Just a reminder, the content of this forum isn't to be shared for anyone who isn't a member. This particular area is "public" so anyone can browse, but be aware you can't have your friends or spouses reading other areas.Originally Posted by AlanaG
Just a reminder, the content of this forum isn't to be shared for anyone who isn't a member. This particular area is "public" so anyone can browse, but be aware you can't have your friends or spouses reading other areas.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
So happy for you. I guess I am much more girly than she would be also. but I doubt we'll ever be dressed up at the same time.
I don't know that I would define it as narcissistic? I think that many (not all) CDers who make an effort to look like women love nothing more than to know they have not only been successful, but that they somehow "surpass" the average GG? I get this impression from the many comments I read here, comments like,
- "My wife is jealous because I am girlier than her."
- "I dress much better than most women I know." ... (does this mean they think they are more of a woman than those GGs ??)
- "A lot of GG's don't pass."
- "Women keep telling me they are jealous of my (pick one): legs, boobs, clothes, shoes, etc." ... (but aren't the boobs actually breast forms??)
- "My body when dressed is shapelier and more feminine than my wife's (or another woman)" ... (when comparing themselves to women who are not the same body type as them)
It's almost as if there is a desperate need (among some members, not all) for validation and what better validation than to think that women are jealous and we feel as if our fundamental femininity is threatened when we are in the presence of CDers?
Last edited by ReineD; 03-05-2015 at 04:54 PM. Reason: added bullet points
Reine
Sure, there is definitely a need for validation. That is part and parcel of gender dysphoria, even in the minor form many CDs seem to suffer from. When you don't feel quite right about yourself, it is a comfort to know that you are achieving the image that does feel right to your mind.
When I came out to my wife so was remarkably calm but more or less nuetral. I started very slowly and she seemed to ok with the changes. Over time her kindness had the effect of seriously reducing my desire to CD. The turning point was when I imagined how I would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. How would I feel if my pretty feminine wife started wearing men's clothes, stuffed a sock in her tightly whiteys, pasted on a mustache, and buzzed off her hair!!
Ok so after a few more days talking with the wife, toned down dressing (more under dressing with boy clothes). One of her worries comes from sharing her clothes, as i had previously been dressing in hers. And it changes her closet order. We shared a laugh about breaking her organization.
I am still her man, she just has accepted that I am happiest in girl clothes. I am not interested in "hacking it off", or hormones or changing myself in anyway. But, when I am in girl mode, I am pretty flamboyant. I am 100% happy with who I am, and my choice to share that. I have no desire at this point to show anyone else.
I am a boy, a boy that happens to be most comfortable, and himself, when he is herself...
(Why is being a CD some damn confusing lol)
Everyone's comments have been insightful, helpful, and wonderful, I'll be referring back to this thread for a long time while my wife and myself work out together how to deal with my self and our situation.
XOXO - Jess
Maybe it would be a good idea to get your own things and leave your wife's stuff alone, Jess. That's one of the big GG turnoffs I see here.
Yup, we are working on that at the moment.
That's the most important ... it sounds like the two of you are starting off well, just keep the lines of communication open. The best relationships, in my opinion, are those where partners trust each other so much that they are not afraid of telling the other when they are not happy about something. They trust that their partners will be able to put aside their own point of view, and try to listen.while my wife and myself work out together how to deal with my self and our situation.
XOXO - Jess
... and this is very hard to accomplish, even in my own relationship.
Reine
Hi Jess,
As someone who only just joined the forum, and only came out to my wife of 28 years three weeks ago I can only relate my situation. Go slowly. And be careful with sharing. One of the biggest stipulations I was given was not to wear her cloths any more, they are hers. As she said to me she doesn't like sharing.
You are very lucky to have someone willing to participate with you. The other stipulation I was given was 'not in front of me' as she explained it would alter her visual perception of the man she married and at this early stage she is still processing.
To recount a post I read somewhere 'We have had 20, 30, 40+ years to come to terms with our dressing and be comfortable and confident enough to tell someone else,usually our closest confidant. Our SO has only had hours, days, weeks to start to understand.' Be thankful for any support given, but be careful how fast you travel.
Dianne
Well said Reine. Couldn't agree more. Unfortunately a lot easier said than done.
Dianne: Same for you, well said and spot on!
Most start out taking someone elses clothes and things. Mother, sister, GF or wife. It is an unfortunate thing to do as it is an invasion of privacy in a way and it can, depending on the person, result in a very bad reaction.
As soon as possible, learn to respect their things and buy your own.
- Suzie
Last edited by Suzie Petersen; 03-07-2015 at 09:15 AM.
Well, first off good for you to have such a broad minded, caring partner. You've already got lots of good advice here. I certainly agree that you should get your own gear, much better that wearing the missus's clobber. And totally agree that you need to make sure she knows she's the girl in the relationship and that you just love dressing up and pretending to be a woman. you also might want to think about getting in touch with the Seahorse Society in Victoria. I've only recently joined a support group in SA but it is just amazing and it can provide support for your girl too.
Take care,
Christen
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.” - Rumi.
Nice work Jess, twas bravely and well done by the sound of it, and nice choice of a good woman too. My wife was very accepting, and generous i her attitude, maybe not to the point of encouraging me to go further, but pretty heroic. I make a point of saying i need to exaggerate the femme clothes to hide what i don't have. I want her to love her curves and breasts and soft languid self, her natural woman-hood. None of my previous girlfriends were girlie girls, so i think she understands that my augmented fantasy feeds an inner need, and that she is enough woman for me. I always want to know when she wants me to "man-up" for her. I concede that i wear some relatively ****ty stuff, and she mocks me very gently for it. I used to joke when i bought her lingerie, that its ok, as long as one of us wears it. I like to think it actually takes pressure off her to perform 'in drag' outside her comfort zone for me. I often ask her if i am freaking her out or if she just wants a break, to make it easy for her to ease me off.
I also made the point to her that this is a part of myself that i hated for a long time, and that me accepting it was important, but that she can see that side of me and deepen her love is so so healing. To be understood deeply and accepted is to be loved. So i am happy that your skilful trust met your wife's big love, and may you continue to make your way together with open hearts and lots of talking.
Love from Tanya in Tassie
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