I would like to share a couple really bad experiences I had, telling others about my CD/TG nature.
There is another thread right now, about the need and desire to share this with others, but I don't want to clutter it as what I have to say is pretty negative.
It does play into the Consider carefully why you want to share, and Who you want to share with!
Short background: Told my wife when we started dating, married over 30 yrs now. It has been up and down, mostly down and she basically cannot handle it. She has never wanted to talk to anyone about it but have felt terribly alone with the burden. I wish it was different, but I understand and accept that she feel like that.
Twice has she pushed (read: demanded) me to disclose this to someone else. Undoubtedly in the hope that these people would be able to help. Unfortunately, her desire for help is that I stopped the behavior and her choice of people for me to talk to reflect this.
I did not agree with the choice and predicted the result quite well as it turned out.
The first time it was the medical Doctor in the small village where we lived. I told him during a visit to get patched up for some unrelated injuries. It was a reasonably civil conversation, telling him how this had been part of my life since early childhood and how it was a problem between me and my wife.
He admitted that he knew nothing about this topic but said he would do some reading.
We talked some more about what it meant to me and it turned into a classic case of the patient educating the doctor.
I was back in his office about a week later, removing stitches and other things. The first indication that this wasn't going well was when I walked in and his nurse assistant looked at me and started crying! She then quickly left the room! I gathered he had probably told her about my Horrible secret!
The doctor attended to my wounds and didnt say anything about "the other thing". Before I left, I asked him and his reply was "There is nothing I can do for you!".
So ... I never went to that doctor again and have actually only been to a see a doctor a couple of times since when I absolutely had to. That was 25 years ago.
The second time she demanded that I talked to the Pastor at our church! Wonderful choice!
My wife was there with me and was pretty much crying the whole time. When I got a little ways into the "explanation" he said: "Well you certainly get the Shock the Pastor award for this year!".
Later he started laughing and said: "I simply have to ask ... What size dress do you wear?" He could barely contain himself laughing.
So we talked for a while longer and it got to the point of him concluding that I was ruining my marriage and that we "Needed to find some common ground", my wife and the pastor then decided that the Common Ground was that I stopped this strange behavior immediately.
So ... with a few exceptions, I never went back to church again! That was 7 years ago.
As you can imagine, I am not a big fan of indiscriminately telling people. These situations did not help anybody and, in my view, just made it worse. My wife got confirmed in that this is strange and bad behavior and apparently "everybody agree with her" so that ended the discussion.
I had already stopped dressing, Cold Turkey, some years before the Pastor incident, but it continued to be an issue for her for some reason.
Aside from this "thing", we have a good marriage and I love her dearly. Can't have everything in life and I had to chose.
So think about who you tell and why. Seriously consider the reason for telling and consider both the potential benefits and the potential negative sides. Make sure it makes sense first.
- Suzie