Suzie,
As your wife's need is to receive some other's advice. Why don't you actively select the adviser, ex a professional counselor?
Suzie,
As your wife's need is to receive some other's advice. Why don't you actively select the adviser, ex a professional counselor?
When I was married about 10 yrs my wife found out I was a cross dresser. We had 2 kids and my wife is a very strong Catholic. I saw the pastor and he said that my dressing was not a sin and it was something between my wife and myself. He also said that Jesus loved me. This helped my wife. She still wants no part of Terri. We are married 43 yr and have 5 kids. I told you she was a strong Catholic.
Terri
Casper: It is one of those unsolvable situations unfortunately. She is not interested in talking to anyone who might take my side in the matter. The 2 examples with the doctor and the pastor were chosen because she was pretty sure they would support her view of course.
You know how it can sometimes be very difficult to listen to your own advise! Well I am like thatI know what I would suggest to others but I cant get myself to do it!!
Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore, I am OK with things as they are, I can live with it.
It is all a matter of finding a balance and accepting the situation. I am not willing to pay the price for having things my way.
Hugs
Suzie
This is a subject that terrifies me. So far only my wife know, I think! Suzie and all the others here who have opened up to someone have done something extremely brave and corrageous, . I'd like to think one day when I have come to terms with myself for being who I am will have the guts to tell a trusted friend.
Thanks for sharing Suzie, Hugs girl.
For this reason, I've chosen to not tell anyone, and I have no plans to tell anyone, as others have put it, that I could not easily exclude from my life.
I have accepted myself, but I don't expect others to. I am OK in my own mind being who I am. If some day, I find that I need to go further, I think I would not expect my significant other to go down the road with me. If I felt that strongly, I would break up with that person, and do this "thing" only with others like me, at least as a start.
This is what is right for me. It may not work for you. It's a very personal decision. Only you can walk your path. Other's can be accepting, but nobody will understand it like you do. You can read forever about how to do something, but a whole other level of understanding comes once you do that thing.
The best you can do is try to anticipate all the consequences of coming out before you come out to ANYONE, and ESPECIALLY to someone very close to you. If you are outted by accident, then you can only determine how to play things from that point.
Bottom line, don't stress about it too much. Life will go on no matter what happens. The sun will come up, you will have to have a way to provide for your basic needs, and you will do what you have to do to make that happen. What other's think shouldn't matter too much in most cases. Just live the way you have to live to please you. This is job one. From there, do what you can to help others, but be true to yourself first.
Take care,
Laura
I will share. We have a couple that are not super great.
you really need to be careful who you trust with this secret if you are not out. Luca and I discussed that we would tell whichever of our own friends that we thought could handle it, but that we would tell each other who we told. Family is still in the dark. I used to be really good friends with this coworker (1st mistake) who had a trans best friend. I Assumed she would be open and loving due to her trans Bestie (2nd mistake).
We told her, but she didnt want us to tell her trans friend about Lucas. The friend was FTM and she thought it was important to this person to have made a Hetero Cisgenderd male friend to be "guys with" who didnt have a problem with them being born female. So we then hung out with them while lying about Lucas Identity. If that wasnt confusing enough, she took it upon herself to discuss lucas being a CDer with all my coworkers. It was the "gossip" of the store and every knew. It was a horrible time.
Luca also has a friend who knows and is "supportive" but doesnt "understand" because he is religious and thinks its a sin. But that all humans sin and that he cannot fault luca for his sins more than he would fault a drinker or smoker. An interesting firendship.
I also got FRIEND DUMPED by a friend who knew, but decided I wasnt SUPPORTIVE ENOUGH of luca, and that I lived in Lala land wanting to maintain my perfect hetero marriage. She was disgusted that we did not want to tell family. So she was the opposite side of the spectrum.
Good people, who will respect this aspect of your life, without judgement or opinion are hard to find.
~Greenie
Supportive wife to a wonderful man who just so happens to like to be fabulous some times.
Greenie, what a conundrum you have given as your experience!!! Win, lose, win, lose. I had been cding in secret, apart from my wife knowing, for about 30yrs before I told anyone, and only then because the demon drink loosened my brain and tongue. Both people I told were female friends, wives of good mates of mine. They excepted it and appeared to understand, but hey, they weren't married to me. I haven't pushed it down their throats but know that they will be there for me if ever I need them. Last year I turned sixty, had the bash, invited old friends and relos to the do. One of my wife's oldest and best friends and her husband gave me a 50th birthday card but I suspect for a very good reason. On a long list of things mentioned on the card and highlighted was " your little secrets are safe with us". I can only sumise that my wife has told her, and another equally good friend, about my crossdressing. Can't say I blame her, I kept it bottled up for so many years it was a great relief to finally be able to share it with someone else.
Suzie, I respect you and thank you for your welcomes to all the newbies. You always have something encouraging to say to us. I'm sorry your own story isn't as idyllic as we'd like. But we all face our individual situations. Thank you for raising the issue and making us think. Like you, we all have to decide how to proceed given our personal situation.
Hang in there, sweetie. You sound like a very loving and accepting person. You understand your situation better than we can. I hope you can find an ally who your wife will hear. Having my wife accept my CDing has been monumentally liberating. I wish the same for you.
Loads of love,
Gypsy
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