Absent for some time, but things are ok

[Helena Gwyn]

Hi

I've been absent for a few months, but just wanted to let everyone know things are ok.

I decided not to go back to my job as teacher in my current school and look for something new, a new school, or maybe even something totally different. I'm still on sick-leave till the end of this schoolyear, so I do have some time to look around and some time for myself as well. I'm going to tell my school, and colleagues, this week or next week that I won't be returning. A stressy time, but I'm going to be happy it's all behind me.

My parents are still having a hard time with me being transgender. They still see it as some 'extreme' form of searching for happiness and hope my psychologist will put my two feet back on the ground. I can understand their 'hope', but it hurts that they can't believe me based upon what I say and that they can only see the world through their own glasses. Luckily I have my aunt that supports me all the way.

The sessions with my psychologist are going well. I'm making a lot of progress, despite of the lack of support from my parents, and might start HRT in the near future and start transitioning probably at the end of the year. I still find it hard to believe that all of this might become reality. A little more then a year ago, I didn't know about any of this, or about myself. Now, I know the feeling, the desire to be a woman, to be me, has always been present in my life, although suppressed. My heart is shouting that this is right for, but my head is still catching up sometimes.

I'm still going to a monthly gathering as well. Dressing up at home is fun, but going out makes it even better.

Anyway, I hope all goes well with everyone.

[Debra Russell]

Glad to hear things are progressing in the way you want - good luck in your new ventures and keep us all informed and up to date......................Debra

[Katey888]

Helena - it has to be THE toughest thing I can think of for anyone to go through.

It's not quite the same as being dealt some random disease or condition - it's similar - but you have to come to the conclusion about what it is you want, and you have to make the decision to start that process and carry it through... I can'r begin to imagine how difficult and soul-wrenching that must be - but thank you for sharing your feelings here, as sharing what you go through may help others with their decisions and issues.

If your heart is telling you it's right and you're feeling happier about it, then that has to be a Good Thing!

Katey x

[Helena Gwyn]

It's indeed not easy. I told my parents I cry sometimes for being born this way, wanting to run away from all of it, but you can't run away from yourself. I could try to push it back in, to ignore it, but my innerjoy, -freedom and creativity has grown so much in contrast with how I was before, it's not possible anymore. And Helena feels like a strong woman, no way my feeble masculine mask will ever win from her .

[Beverley Sims]

Helena,
Nice to see you progressing, I think you do need to have your aunt's support and her input to your parents will be valuable as you get closer to time.

Hopefully your parent's attitude will change, but like me I am sure you can see their outlook on all of this.

[colleen ps]

Hi Helena.
I may be new here, but reading your posts, it sounds to me that you should take advantage of your Aunt's caring and get her to speak to your parents. I believe from what i read, that your parents are the ones that need to visit a psychologist more than you do. Having discovered who you are has been a huge thing to accept and your parents need to understand how hard this has been for you and to be there on those low days for you.

[kimdl93]

You've taken on a lot in the past year...and even with a lifetime of questioning the realization has only been achieved for you in the past year or so. Imagine how difficult it is for your parents, who until recently may have had no inkling of the pain and doubt that followed you throughout your earlier life. Given time, they will gain an appreciation for who you really are and what you have endured to find yourself. Good luck with the next steps!

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Think positive , be positive & stay disciplined. It is so often said but sadly forgotten: we cds are in a marathon & not sprint. Stay focused.

[Annaliese]

Good luck girl, hope everything turns out for you, and that your parents become more supportive.

[Helena Gwyn]

Helena,
Nice to see you progressing, I think you do need to have your aunt's support and her input to your parents will be valuable as you get closer to time.

Hopefully your parent's attitude will change, but like me I am sure you can see their outlook on all of this.

You've taken on a lot in the past year...and even with a lifetime of questioning the realization has only been achieved for you in the past year or so. Imagine how difficult it is for your parents, who until recently may have had no inkling of the pain and doubt that followed you throughout your earlier life. Given time, they will gain an appreciation for who you really are and what you have endured to find yourself. Good luck with the next steps!

Well, I can understand my parents, I don't blame them, but it makes it more difficult.
My aunt does talk to them, but my parents already thought that she's to impulsive and floats through life herself, so much of what she says to them is already prejudged.

Hi Helena.
I may be new here, but reading your posts, it sounds to me that you should take advantage of your Aunt's caring and get her to speak to your parents. I believe from what i read, that your parents are the ones that need to visit a psychologist more than you do. Having discovered who you are has been a huge thing to accept and your parents need to understand how hard this has been for you and to be there on those low days for you.

My psychologist told me to invite them. I'm going to give them that invitation, but the confrontation might still be to early.

Think positive , be positive & stay disciplined. It is so often said but sadly forgotten: we cds are in a marathon & not sprint. Stay focused.

That's nicely said !

Good luck girl, hope everything turns out for you, and that your parents become more supportive.

Tx