Support

[happyallie]

Recently I found out a friend of mine is transitioning. My friend is at a good age and has been seeing a mental health professional. I am happy for my friend and fully support her.
Question. How important is my acknowledgment of support? Can one have to much support?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Having an on the ground support system is hugely helpful to somebody that's transitioning. There are lots of emotional ups and downs, it can be physically and mentally exhausting. She can use all the help she can get

[STACY B]

As a trans person myself I would welcome it ,, But as you know not all trans people are the same ,, AKA people in general ,, They are first a person an trans second ,, All people are so different as far as the way they were brought up ,, Where they live ,, An how much family support they have . I say you know them better than us ,, You have to make the call an only give advice to things you really know about an not guess at things an send them on a wild goose chase . Just be the Best Friend you can without smothering them . That's what I would do for my friend ,, An also give them space at certain times ,, You already know how those hormones can be in GG's from time to time . Just be TRUTHFUL no matter what ,, They will thank you for it later ,, Just like KIDS do .

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Allie, in my opinion your acknowledgement of support is very important. Your friend will now know that she has someone she can turn to if things get a bit much or if she is not sure about something.

For your second question, I have to qualify my answer by saying what kind of support I am talking about. If the "support" is acting as a cheerleader or even an uncritical friend, then I believe it is possible to have too much. If the support is being non-judgemental, trying to empathise but also being willing to say if you think that something might not be in your friend's best interest, then I don't believe you can have too much.

[Jorja]

I agree with the others, your support is very important her. As to the level of support that is up to you. Are you someone that is a good cheerleader? Can you give your friend a good ear and good advice? Or, are you what I like to call a 4 am friend? Someone she can call even at 4 am to talk to. Only you can decide how involved you want to be with this person.

[LeaP]

It's important. My Dr. and therapist both drilled into my support network the other day, stressing its importance.

Things can go south suddenly and dramatically.

[Laura912]

Yes, your support is important and support only becomes too much when it becomes prying. No, I have not forgotten the promise to you, either!

[Rachel Smith]

You can never have too many caring friends or too much support.

[KellyJameson]

Support that is not enabling or co-dependent.

I think to survive transitioning you need to be really grounded but the nature of GD and the intense emotions of transitioning conspire against you. One of the most important things is having realistic expectations.

An example is SRS where there are amazing things being done but the outcomes can be highly variable.

Many who transition late in life are not only fighting the effects of life long hormonal masculinization of their face and bodies but also age related effects. Surgery and hormones can only do so much. Than there is the voice which can be incredibly difficult to change.

Acceptance,compassion,empathy,understanding but acknowledge your own limits of what you can offer and I would encourage you to not support outright delusions but this begs the question of when does something step over the line into self delusion and fantasy.

For myself understanding gender dysphoria, transsexuality and transitioning has been the most challenging intellectual exercise of my life and I have lived it so I can't imagine someone who has never experienced gender dysphoria can relate to the experience of it, but this is true for many experiences in life so we do the best we can do.

Not being able to place yourself in anothers shoes makes it more difficult to understand what you can do for them and what you can offer them as support. In many ways it will be like "feeling your way through the dark" unless you have been there. Many Tgirls seek out other Tgirls for this reason.

Often during the transition they themselves may feel lost and scared. Aspects of gender dysphoria remind me of what people go through when they are having an identity crisis but unlike the reasons most have an identity crisis, a transsexual is born into this crisis so it manifests itself very differently.

If you are a reader there are some great books written about transitioning by trans women and men along with many excellant blogs.

Try to find authors who match her life experiences. If she was married to a woman and was/is exclusively sexual with women this is one life path versus someone who was never married and may be asexual or sexually attracted to men.

Gender identity and sexual identity are separate but our sexuality shapes us as much as our gender so it is two paths walked simultaneously and intertwined, each acting on the other, making for very different experiences.

I have noticed those who lived the more traditional life of marriage, experience gender dysphoria differently from me. I think they coped with it differently than I did or was able to.

Some try to push their identity out of them like a type of exorcism and "man up" . They may gain some stability but the pressure builds up until they implode/explode. This takes a certain type of life course that Jenny Bolan decribes in "Shes not there"

I imploded early in childhood and went the crazy path of suppression and extremely erratic behavior so my GD was more out there for all the world to see even when it was not understood what was being seen. This makes for a different type of life path and story.

Your support will be more helpful the more you understand how the gender dysphoria and being born transsexual has "played out" in her life.

No two transsexuals are alike but they are all sisters in this common suffering. Hopefully she trusts you enough to be transparent with you about whats going on inside her and who she is. Difficult to support someone who hides behind walls and there are alot of walls that need to be torn down when you are transitioning.

I think many who commit suicide do so because they have no support and are all alone. She is lucky to have you.

Sometimes you can save a life by doing nothing more than being there to listen.

Being trans can be one of the loneliest experiences imaginable. Everything about it isolates you.

[Marleena]

I think many who commit suicide do so because they have no support and are all alone. She is lucky to have you.

Sometimes you can save a life by doing nothing more than being there to listen.

Being trans can be one of the loneliest experiences imaginable. Everything about it isolates you.

Wow... that really nails it!

[Leah Lynn]

Kelly totally nailed it. In my opinion, being there to listen is extremely important. Sometimes we just need to vent, or be able to vocalize our feelings to a compassionate ear. This simple act could possibly save a life.

Please be a good supporter.

Leah