Does Cross Dressing isolate you

[CONSUELO]

I was at the gym today and watching a small group of women interacting in a good friendly way. I found myself drawn to them as I liked the way they talked to one another. By way of contrast I then saw a group of men in the weight room and the way in which they talked and interacted made me want to avoid them.

That got me thinking about how I relate to other people and what, if anything, it had to do with being a cross dresser. I have always been attracted to women's company and, for example if I am at a party, I much prefer to be 'hanging out' with women and chatting with them than with men.

When I see a group of men at a party or any other social gathering I do not feel like joining them as I find I do not have much in common with them and I don't enjoy the 'masculine shorthand that they use in their interaction. I don't have a group of male friends and never have wanted one, but neither do I have a group of female friends. I do relate to individual males around specific interests but I don't feel a 'male bond' at all.

I then began to wonder if this had something to do with being a life long cross dresser and whether it somehow makes you socially isolated. Am I drawn to women and their company because I am a cross dresser or is it just some other personality quirk? This site is full of threads about the relative contributions of nature or nurture to one's cross dressing and I wonder if this attraction to female company is something that marks us out. Do other cross dressers feel similarly about female versus male company?

[kimdl93]

Mmmm, at the gym I keep to myself...and focus on my workout...nothing else. The etiquette of fitness centers is pretty much that way. But In public,I'm never shy from interacting with others.

[KlaireLarnia]

I don't think the dressing isolates you. I have always been socially reclusive and I do not think my dressing has either made it worse or any better as a result.

I think genetically and socially men I not so prone to the social intimacies that women are. Tomorrow we have a small party for my wife's birthday and I know full well the women will sit in the kitchen, drinking and laughing a lot which is fine. The couple of men who will be my "company" will huddle round the TV and watch whatever is on generally because that is the nature of our existance.

I do not want to be "one of the girls" and join in the kitchen antics because that is not me. One of my wife's husbands speaks their language fluently and he does join in but only because he can understand them in a way we cannot.

I think our dressing my bring our natural social perspectives out a little more - and you may be more socially adept and hence are drawn to the women who match this ability - but it is not the cause of them.

[Femdenise]

I would have to say --yes. Being divorced, I live alone. Before I started dressing I welcomed friends dropping by and just "walking in". After I starting being as feminine as possible I discouraged my friends coming around by asking them to call first. I live in a small town and have no personal friends or contacts that are cross dressers to interact socially. I dress fem a great deal, but I do not leave home. Therefore, I would have to say I am more isolated.

[Jenniferathome]

Nope. I'd be the opposite of you then. I hang with dudes, joke with dudes and only hang with some of my wife is with me and it's her friend base. And yes, I am a life long cross dresser

[AmyVanessa]

I don't actually try to avoid the men when I'm at the gym. It's more that I don't have much in common with them, as they're trying to gain weight and become more muscular, while I'm looking to be thinner and more feminine looking.
I try to change clothes in the locker room without my panties being seen,so maybe I isolate myself in that regard

[Kandi Robbins]

I have been a crossdresser all of my life (although in denial much of that time). I grew up, became a man, developed many lifelong male relationships and friendships, participated in mostly male activities, played football and other sports, watch sports, been a husband, a father to my two wonderful daughters, etc. Been every bit a man. Then I have this other aspect to my personality, love getting dressed and interacting as if I were female. My crossdressing activities have not changed who I am, I believe it has opened me up to develop additional, but different types of relationships. No, crossdressing has no effect on the way I interact with either gender since it is who I have always been.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm a closet dresser and began late in life. Like Denise, none of my old friends know about my "hobby". They don't drop by my house and I don't drop by theirs anymore. In fact, I hardly see them any more as I'm spending most of my social time with dressing friends now.

I've seen many posts here where folks say they r more comfortable in groups of women than men. Personally, I enjoy speaking with anyone of any gender one on one.
U r allowed to speak more frankly then in social groups. I find the drivel that passes for acceptable conversation in either groups of men or women often bores me to death in short order!

[Katey888]

Interesting perspective Consuelo - I think Klaire may have something regarding how our submerged femininity may impact how we relate to others as well as just natural social and cultural differences - but I love your example of the gym as I was thinking a similar thing this morning as I cycled, stretched, rowed, cross-trained and did some light weights... There are a few jer... erm... jocks at the gym, and they all follow the same program of individual exertions, much huffing and puffing while copiously sweating neat testosterone, it seems... The women however (who closely follow a similar workout to me - or correctly, I should say I follow them) are much more interactive and social. Some of the men can be, but there is definitely more of a sister thing going on than a brother thing.

In general - gyms aside - I've always preferred the company of GGs whether when single (and ulterior motives did play a part) or in more recent years. I rarely find the joking, sport-obsessed chat and latent misogyny of males in a pack particularly stimulating as it always seems to come down to somehow demonstrating who has the bigger - metaphorical - you-know-what... It's not always the case though, and I've been fortunate enough to work in professional environments where colleagues have generally been beyond that - but I don't have a large circle of male friends, and virtually zero female ones, partly thanks to having an absurdly jealous and possessive wife - and I admit I am very similar in that my male friends are often around specific interests, but I think that is more to do with the person you are rather than any gender condition.

It is possible that for some of us who feel more of a feminine vibe than others, a different sort of sensitivity may come into play and allow a subtly different interaction. I do believe I see a lot more sensitivity on this forum than I would expect normally, but there are also a few exceptions who can be insensitive, dogmatic and testosterone-laden - it's hard to generalise about any aspect of this weird and wonderful plurality we are...

Katey x

[Sarah-RT]

I'm a bit shy and awkward when talking to people I don't know well but amongst my friends and other close people I'm quite social regardless of gender.

When we would be out drinking I would start off having fun with the guys but as the beers start piling up I find myself longing to chat with the girls about fashion etc but I never do, and obviously it's the alcohol involved.

When a song comes on that I'd listen to in girl mode I'll dance to it, which gets a good chuckle when seeing a 6'4" guy enjoying katy Perry or Taylor swift, if only they knew...

[pamela7]

i look back on my life and see i generally gravitated to intelligent female company. in the gym its nods between men and little chats between women, and i've been out for coffee a few times with a lady from the gym (is okay, welshgirl knows, friendly old lady who likes to share speaking a foreign language). I remember being happier for recruiting women at my lab at the time.

Does the CD isolate me? No, definitively it brings me closer into the female world, and i feel better connected and treated in the world around. I'd never have thought that before the facts.

[Adriana Moretti]

I kinda feel the same way you do.....most males I know ( and I mean what few guy friends I have left) I have little in common with . In fact I find them to be quite the dou$HE bag$ actually...but that does not isolate me at all from the world...( the closet does) ...i just surround myself with women , other cd's, and gay guys...to me life is more fun that way xoxo

[Janine cd]

I have always been more comfortable in the company of women than men. I find that talking to women about personal issues is much easier than sharing them with men.

[justmetoo]

For me, no. My natural shyness and social awkwardness isolates me, and my lack of interest in a lot of "guy" things doesn't help. But I'm just as awkward and shy (arguably, even more so) among women.

[Jennifer0874]

It isolates me to the degree that I might choose to be alone and dress instead of going out. I've dressed since I was in my early teens. When I was younger I really did seek out my male friends to hang out. But now if my wife is out or traveling for work I choose to stay in and have Jennifer time.

[Alice_2014_B]

I guess I can feel sort of isolated in public in regards to cross dressing. But aside from that I am a very sociable person. Once met a group of friends of my sister in-law and immediately clicked, both girls and guys alike.
So I guess cross dressing in and of itself can make me feel isolated when out with people, but it never bothers me; I never feel isolated here though.

[Dorit]

I think this question touches on some of the difference between those who see themselves as cross dressing and those who see themselves more on the transgender spectrum. For myself, from my earliest childhood I wanted to be a girl, had the emotional nature more of a female, and had very close relationships with women. Like some of you I fought this for most of my life. In the last years accepting myself as partly TG has allowed me to greatly increased my friendships with women, who anyway are the majority gender at my age! Last night we had a gathering at my house for Shabbat, my wife and I and nine other women! I loved it, I do not in the least miss male company. So for me being CD/TG has not isolated me, it has let me be open to others in the way I was meant to be.

[Tracii G]

Not at all.
I have one group that knows I'm TG and another that doesn't.
I can function with either group with out any problems.

[Teresa]

Consuelo,
A gym environment is not the best place to if you feel the way you do, even women act macho to a degree , and we've all been in changing rooms where you think the guys have landed from another planet !
I find my painting group is very level, I can have a sensible conversation with male or female members ! Some days we all might paint flowers and other times I might pull out an unfinished aviation picture it's all art and most members usually come to chat !
I do miss my photography because I could interact freely with women and talk about outfits, it was surprising how many men were happy to listen in ! Maybe to find out how much the outfit cost ! Putting aside the stress of the job it was a great line of work if you happened to be a CDer !
I have to admit some dinner parties end up a little awkward , I married into a farming family so most of the conversation is limited anyway and mix that with rugby talk I start to feel on the outside of things ! If you then try and join in with the women's group there's a little bit of uneasiness because of my wife and her sister knowing about my Cding !

[JeanetteX]

Consuelo, I completely understand what your trying to say. I too prefer women's company, it seems with them its much easier for me to talk about certain feelings or emotions. I would hardly ever talk about such things with male friends. When I'm around them the usual topics are typical male things such as sports for example. Having said that I do feel I have a good balance between my male and female sides...I do enjoy my time with both male and female friends. So no...I wouldn't say CDing isolates me.

[Vikky]

Hi Consuelo

You make a good point. Whilst I am quite happy to mix it with the guys I have always felt slightly on the edge of male groups. I have always found it much easier to chat with GGs and in a social environment tend to join and chat with them rather than the guys. I have also found that in a mixed group the GGs come and chat to me rather than the guys joining me. I have put this down to being a CDer and thus more sympathetic to the female ‘condition’. No one other than my SO knows of my CDing.

Vikky

[Judy]

In my case, I have never felt comfortable in a group of men. I have never had very many close male friends and have never missed hanging with the guys. When ever my wife and I are with friends, they are usually her friends (females) and I prefer to be involved with the "girls" and join their conversations.

I'm not sure if being a lifelong CDer has anything to do with it or not. Perhaps it has something to do with having an absentee dad and doing everything with my mom and two sisters.

[Lily Catherine]

I have more close male friends than female friends as I spent most of my adolescence in all-male environments and have a stereotypically male interest in cars.

Any sports discussion usually shuts me off within minutes, however; something I'll have to accept or adapt to. That said, I was 'one of the girls' who wrote poetry and drew as a primary-school child, if only because I felt kicking around an inflated balloon was a horrendous waste of my recess time.

I am, however, isolated and physically alone while cross-dressed. Even those who know 'Iris' in the physical realm do not see her.

[alwayshave]

I enjoy talking to women and being with women in a group. That being said, I like hanging with guys, going SCUBA diving, to football games, etc.... So with me I'd say its equal. As to the gym, I swim daily, so no socialization in the water and that's the way I prefer it.

[Natalie cupcake]

When my wife and I are out with other couple friends after a while it seems that most of the men in the group go off to talk with others and I seem to find myself staying behind talking with the women in the group and most times their ok with it and like that I'm there. I seem to have better conversations with them sometimes then my male friends. I don't mind it makes my feel like one of their group.