SO I had my one year dr visit. I am surprised how far my testosterone has gone down in the last 3 months. I am about at a 6 and my E was mid 100's. Over the last 3 months my boobs have really started to take off. My endo is great but at first couple appointments she was very stand offish and I was worried. She wasn't this time and answered all my questions and gave plenty of advice. She is adding ProE and another med to help me level out so I do not get such highs and lows during the month. I really am looking forward to being more balanced so I can live life, at times the lows are terrible. She also says the ProE will help round my breasts out. I asked about side effects and the lack of working but she said I didn't have any tells for the side effects and at was at least worth a try.
With all that said I had to swallow up my fight and come to the realization that I am TS. I had a chromosome test done with my blood work and it came back normal male. To some this might not seem like a big deal but for me it was. This was my last hope to try and explain all this. I was hoping I was xxy, that at least on paper I could explain to people "see this is what's wrong with me". I have looked for anyway to fight this TS thing and I keep losing. I was hoping to find something to justify myself when I transitioned, something, anything tangible to make "it ok". Like so many others I have tried to find my way around this only to now end up back at square one ... I have to except this and own this in order to live life... I have slowly came to this conclusion on my own but I was holding hope.
This whole past year I have been able to do the hormones. I have been able to grow the hair. I have even started going o regular meetings. All because it allowed me to live life. I have never fully excepted I was TS, I have acknowledged that I need to do the things I have done because they helped me live day to day. Now though I have to not only acknowledge that I am TS but I have to expect it too. Couple this with the recent Dr. Oz show and I feel like I have no other way out. I am, like Tina in the Oz show, tired of living this way. The constant back and forth. The constant never feeling real. The constant never feeling like I can just be "me". I have reached that point that so many have talked about ... you know when you get there because you will know...
So I here I am today. I haven't gone about this past year well with all this. In fact I am sure all the people telling me I wasn't a true TS where founded by the way and things I have said. The simple fact is that I AM TS and I have took take the proper steps to alleviate my GD to live life. I haven't made much of a plan up till now but now I have to really step up my game plan. I am excited and scared at the same time. I am excited that I will get to live life soon but I am scared of the trip to get there.
It is a shame we all have to "get" there. Though I can tell you that it is easier today to except that I am TS because I have exhausted all my other defenses and excuses and it is all the is left. Do not transition unless you have to may not be the best advise. How about check and pursue every other path until all that is left is transition.
I am here now ... I am a woman ... and I am TS ... and I am transitioning... Why is it so simple to say now??
