Do we treat women differently than other males?

[Mark/Rebecca]

My wife works with contractors as a vendor, and she has a few that treat her very poorly including talking poorly of her to their mutual customers. It just amazes me how chauvinistic some men still are towards women. But it did make me wonder how I relate to women in general as I certainly have more empathy for females and hope that I have a greater connection with them when interacting.

[Beverley Sims]

I certainly hope so as we have a different insight towards women than other males.

[Heidi Stevens]

I agree with Beverly, MB. I know there are a lot of males out there that make men like us look better with out us even having to try. I am constantly watching the ladies to improve my presentation, but a great side benefit is you see the interaction of men with women and how the ladies react to them. I hope I have picked up enough clues to know when I might be stepping over the line with the ladies.

[PaulaQ]

I wonder how true this really is? I know y'all have this feminine part of yourselves, but many of you still solidly identify as men. And you can bail out of girl mode, and back into boy mode when the going gets tough. I think that y'all are probably more sensitive than most cis guys - I'm sure you are for the most part. Just saying it's hard to really appreciate someone else's difficulties in life until you experience them directly yourself, without a safety net.

Not trying to be a jerk here or anything. Just pointing out that y'alls insight into the lives of women might not be as deep as you might hope. Of course mine aren't perfect either - there are many experiences a lot of women have that I'll never get to have, both good and bad. A fact that makes me so horribly sad sometimes, as the ones I got instead were just so meaningless and awful. (Nothing like looking back on your life, and realizing that for the first 50 years of it, there is not one thing about it that you wouldn't change if only you could.)

[CynthiaD]

It's hard to tell, but I'm pretty certain I do. I think of myself as female most of the time, so naturally I treat women as equals. If anything, I tend to favor women over men, because I identify more with the female side of things. But of course, there are female things that I can never experience, so it's hard to tell.

[~Joanne~]

I treat people how I would like to get treated regardless of their gender. If they want to be nasty, then nasty is what they get. If they are pleasant then that is what they get. How I am dressed at the time plays very little in it.

[AllieSF]

Having over 40 years in the construction industry, I have seen the chauvinist, as well as, the totally accepting males, that still do not soften a comment when they feel a point needs to be made, i.e. men tend to be much more direct and honest when dealing with each other, especially in construction. If they have a problem with a product, service or work effort they tend to talk specifically to it and not beat around the bush. Not knowing all the details of what your wife experienced and heard from others, I cannot talk directly about her experience. I am not defending those involved with your wife, but did want to clarify that some are like that, but many and probably most are not.

Also just like women, if not even more so, men like to gossip and do indeed talk behind others' backs, so not much difference there.

[Allisa]

Well growing up in a female household I kind of can't help but respect women for who they are not by their gender. Although there are times when my male ego takes over and the female mind kind of boggles mine. I also feel that my "femme" self helps in some way to relate to them on certain levels.

[meganmartin]

I would have to ditto this.

Well growing up in a female household I kind of can't help but respect women for who they are not by their gender. Although there are times when my male ego takes over and the female mind kind of boggles mine. I also feel that my "femme" self helps in some way to relate to them on certain levels.

[kimdl93]

I'd like to say yes, but from what I've read in these very "pages", I'd have to say that the attitudes towards women here are quite reflective of men generally - some informed and enlightened, some romanticized and idealized, some rather outmoded and a few sadly rather primitive.

[NicoleScott]

As a CDer, my insight is limited to what women wear. That's it. Mars/Venus for everything else.

[JessMe]

My girlfriend has mentioned on occasion something to the effect. She appreciates the differences, but wouldn't want me to always be "girly".

[Brandy Mathews]

Yes,
I think that the man thing sometimes is the macho, I am better then you thing. Even before I started dressing, which was over 20 years ago, I was brought up, just like some have said, to treat anyone like you want to be treated. Well times have changed, and not for the better. People are so disrespectful, at least the younger people seem to be, and that s their parents fault because it was not taught to them. I still date women, and I still believe in treating them very well. Holding the door for them, pulling the chair back for them at the table. Is that wrong? Some people look at me like I am so wrong, but you know what, I won't change.
Hugs,
Bree

[suchacutie]

Absolutely we do, and it covers the whole spectrum. Since Tina arrived almost 10 years ago, my wife has never been late! Once one knows what it takes for a women to get ready to go somewhere, one's whole perspective changes. Another: buys solve problems; a women states an issue and guys just want to solve it and move on. Many women do not handle it this way, and we are the ones in the best position to know this. We are simply more in tune with what women go through and how they view life. That knowledge can't help but change our perspectives and our actions.

[Danitgirl1]

I think there are crossdressers/ trans* people etc who treat others with respect regardless of gender.
I also think that there are crossdressers/trans* people who are jerks, are sexist, are racist etc.
We cover a wide spectrum of people.
Sure those who think hardest about things may be more emapthetic, but I am not sure that this is driven purely by being a crossdresser/trans* or whatever.
People are people and cover a wide range of behaviours, values, beliefs etc.
Maybe overall, as a group we are less sexist, more empathetic and more tolerant, but I think it may be marginal. Hard to say for sure...

[Marcelle]

Hi Mark/Rebecca,

While I agree there are certainly plenty of D-Bag men out there who disrespect women on that chauvinistic level, I also find those same men tend to disrespect anyone who is not in line with their way of thinking. Most probably suffer from inferiority complexes, low self esteem and this is the one way they can feel big about themselves. However, there are plenty of men who are decent and see women as equals. For my part I don't think my CDing has given me any special insight into what women suffer as people know I am a guy. Where I can empathize is being an outcast to some D-Bags because of who I am. My interaction with women has always been one of equal footing as I was raised in a predominately female environment and as such have never seen women/girls any different from men/boys.

I prefer to treat all people the same and will give them the benefit of the doubt. However if you are D-Bag irrespective of gender, that is where I will call you on it.

Hugs

Isha

[lynda]

HI I find it hard to male bash , when that's what am and for all the girly stuff I do, I really enjoy being male, and I have known some women , who are jerks and just as disrespectful , lynda

[alwayshave]

I believe how you treat women is how you were raised. My mother and father always told me to treat women with respect and treat them as ladies and thats what I try to do.

[Melissa Rose]

I do not believe any special empathy is possessed by cross dressers as a group except for some aspects of clothing and makeup, thus cross dressing specifically does not significantly drive how each individual treats or views women. It is more about the individual and how each is wired and their life experiences. Between my time on this forum and being a long time member of a large TG group, I've observed a lot of stereotypical male behaviors and attitudes (good and bad) in about the same amount and ratio as out in the community at large.

[Tina_gm]

I have witnessed several times on this board that CDers can actually objectify women just as much if not more than cis gendered men. Not that this is typically the case, but it happens with some regularity. Also, women will tend to objectify men and categorize them quite unfairly at times as well. I have witnessed that many times in life in general. Even of masculine cis gendered men, women tend to think of them as more shallow and selfish then they often are. Both genders are guilty of doing this.

As for the majority of us on here, yes, I do believe that because of our nature, we do have added empathy and perhaps sympathy of women. In my case and I would bet for many others on here who are married or in LTR with women who know of us, it is that empathy and sympathy that helps us stay married. Definitely in my case anyway.

[SherriePall]

I think so. While I understand that under our umbrella, there are many different types, I believe I do. I can say this because when I left a job about 15 years ago, several of the women told me that they were going to miss me basically because "I wasn't like the other guys" in the huge facility.
Every time, one of them told me that, I thought, "If only you knew how different!"

[ReineD]

I'm sorry that your wife has to interact with ornery men.

But, please do not make the mistake of painting all or most men like the ones who are rude to your wife. It makes it sound as if you are saying that CDers are "better than" most men.

Maybe there are some pockets of industry that are more sexist than others, but keep in mind there are many pockets where sexism is not at issue. I can truthfully say that I have positive experiences with the men that I deal with in my daily life.

Also, these dinosaur macho-men will die out eventually. Younger men today are raised with mothers who are educated, who work, who have established themselves into rewarding careers and who are respected in their fields. There are female doctors, educators at all levels, pharmacists, lawyers, marketing execs, chefs, and the list is way too long to continue. I dare say that your wife is dealing with one of the last remaining subsets of sexist men. I'm guessing this is because construction is a field where physical strength counts and after all, the average male will always be physically stronger than the average female. This may color the attitudes of older men who work in these fields, no matter what slot the woman they are dealing with occupies.

Isha also has a great point. The few men I do know who behave like this, tend to want to dominate other men too.

Oh ... and there are some ornery women too. There are a few women who have reached positions of power and authority and who do treat their fellow women (and men who are underlings) as being secondary. The ability to be ornery is not limited to men. lol.

[Barbara Black]

PaulaQ: Don't be sad, be different.

[Allisa]

Reine,I take offense at your comment about the construction field, I am one of those older men who works in this field and I know you were generalizing but I can tell you that you are wrong. Yes there are some A**h***s out there. Contractor does not automatically mean the construction field, but I do get your gist on the subject.

[Mark/Rebecca]

Isha, I really think my sentiments mirror yours. I will never believe a CD would degrade women. I am a contractor overseeing these kind of people and believe it is a personality defect(and quite a horrible one). They dont come back on my jobs. PaulaQ, I think you are wrong about "bailing out" of the challenges women face. When I dress, I want to identify as a woman. I know most of us(me) are just scratching the surface of a woman's existence, but empathy runs quite deep, and the connection we seek to the female gender is at all levels good and bad.
P.S. My wife has never met this ******* or even knows his name., and a decorator told her about how awful and unprofessional it was. If I give out any more info, I might as well just give you my business card. But hey we are all friends here.

Reine, yes there are a lot of different types in the construction trade. Many times we hire based on maintaining our profit, and many horrible people can walk in and out of the trades. But most successful and professional contractors sell to women, and that I do love about construction. They sense early on that you are their agent and not their adversary.

AND, yes we are better than most men!