importance of support

[Eringirl]

Had a session with my gender therapist today and the main message du jour was to make sure that I had some support in place as I move forward. The fact that I am continuing to see my regular therapist is good. She also wants me to think about what I can do to make sure that I am not isolating myself. She wants me to try to get out as much as possible. This is especially true since my wife told me last night she is moving out and I will be all alone. She doesn't want anything to do with any of my GD issues. So that is not going to be a any support for me at all.

The Therapist did find a TG support group in my City that meets once a month on a Saturday. They are under the radar, but I do have the contact of the organizer, so that is another source of support.

It feels now that this is getting very real and is sorta scary. So getting support is a really good idea. Thanks goodness for friends I have found here. At least there is always a willing ear and shoulder. Thank you !!

More to follow as the saga continues....

[Suzanne F]

Erin,
Sorry about your wife's decision to leave. However, you have an opportunity to create a new life with a new support structure. Reach out to the support group and get out there! It will be what you make it!
Suzanne

[whowhatwhen]

Support is very important, you can go it alone like I've been doing but the times that really suck will suck oh so much more if you're alone.

[AllieSF]

The "support" group can be a great help in finding that needed support. However, it may not come directly from the group but from a few of their members with whom you seem to click personality wise. Then, through those new acquaintances/friends you can network and find others. I also believe that you need more than one friend like that. They do not have to be best friends, just reliable, open, honest and mature. When I first started dressing, from zero, I immediately decided that I wanted to go out and have fun with it. I also knew that I would not do very well alone, since being a very social type person, I wanted and needed someone to go with me, preferably one or two and not a large group. It took awhile and by using this site and another one, I was eventually able to get to know others with similar interests in this area of my life. So, reiterating what your therapist recommended, find some friends and get out of the house as much as possible. Good luck

[Starling]

Good luck to you, Erin. The idea of starting over can be very scary, but it sounds as if you're doing the right things. And yes, we're all here for you.

Lallie

[Zooey]

I just want to echo all the others saying how important support is. My friends are everything to me right now. Having their support has made some things that really should be incredibly difficult and painful feel incredibly fun and rewarding.

My one piece of advice is to focus on finding people who are capable of being honest and frank with you when it's necessary, but also capable of being positive and comforting for you when you need it. Too many people focus too heavily on one side of that line, and it's important to have both. The kind of people you need in your life may not always be from/in "the community".

[Sammy777]

Sorry to hear about your wife. Even though she said she doesn't want to personally be a part of this, perhaps you two can find a way to remain friends.

Yes, get out there, make new friends, go to that support group. Even if you feel it offers you nothing at first at least it is a reason to be out.

Many of us have thought and felt that we could do this all by ourselves.
Yes, while it is true you can get through all this alone if you really had to, it is no way to do it.
Even the biggest hermits/introverts still need occasional contact with the outside world and a friendly voice every once in a while.

Get out there, drag yourself if you have to, but get out there. It does help.

[Kris Avery]

Erin,
So sorry about the family situation..
Hugs

[kimdl93]

Very sorry to hear about your wife's decision to depart. Having lived through a dissolution, my heart goes out to you. It took a long time to recover from that loss and now and again, so many years, and a sustaining marriage later, she remains in my thoughts. But the hardest time was the first year or two after we split. That's when the social support of my family and friends was literally life saving. Your therapist is doing what she can to help you build a safety net that, in all likelihood, you'll be needing in the months ahead.

[PretzelGirl]

I am so sorry Erin. I second others that I hope things stay amicable. This is heartbreaking already and doesn't need to get compounded.

I layered myself with support. Probably part of my personality in that I just like being around people. So belonged to multiple groups and attended all kinds of events. Even though I felt stable with my thoughts, I kept both individual and group therapies going until my full time date. I remember sitting there at the start of every group thinking "What am I going to talk about, it is going well". Probably going well because my butt was in that chair.

[Karen62]

Erin, this is such sad, heartbreaking news. I am sorry to read this. You've been so positive and upbeat with your comments for the rest of us. Please reach out to us collectively here and to those with whom you have close ties with and ask for what you need. Please do allow yourself time to grieve. But never forgot tomorrow does come, and it may very well be a fantastic, life-changing day. You will make it past this as well.

Karen

[STACY B]

Sorry to hear about the split ,, Support is important an we all need it especially at this stage in our lives more than ever . I hope you find the support you need an keep your head up an don't give up .

[Eringirl]

Thanks for the support and kind thoughts! You gals are the best!

Feeling better today. For those of you that go to the "safe haven" part of the forum, my "journal" has all the latest thoughts and news regarding this. Had a great chat with a good friend last night about all of this which was amazing. Helps to ground me and keep things in perspective. So yes, support through all of this journey is so very important. I am fortunate in that my therapists are awesome and I lucky to be finding such good friends here.

Feeling better today. A bit of sleep, finally able to eat, so that all helps. There is some exciting news (maybe not the correct term), maybe more of a silver lining to all of this. My gender therapist is encouraging me to spend as much time as Erin as I am comfortable with after my wife moves out. If I want to go full time everywhere except for work, she supports and recommends it. So that is something I am seriously considering.

Days are getting longer, sun is getting warmer, snow is melting, spring arrives at 6:45 p.m. today. Maybe this is all part of the master plan for me. As they say, timing is everything!

Will keep ya'll posted. Happy to PM if anyone wants to.

Erin

[Jennifer-GWN]

Erin;

I feel for you and certainly been through similar. Tough few days but I see you're in better spirits today which is good. Clarity ahead vs. continuing to worry about the what if's. You'll get through this just fine and emerge the person that's been hiding and clawing to get out for so long.

You know you have support all around you and you are in my thoughts. Just a short hop away.

Brighter times ahead!!! Smile.

Your friend... Jennifer