am i tg or ts or should I care

[charlenesomeone]

PaulaQ those are great questions, thanks for them even though I didn't start this thread.
Hugs

[Kaitlyn Michele]

labels...happiness
YES!!! Why worry about labels??? This is probably true.. just be happy!!!! This is generally true too!!!

its just sad and easy message board fodder for some...peace and love y'all its so easy to say...and its relatively easy to live this way to as long as you are not transsexual.
its careless advice that carries no meaning and gives no comfort or aid to anyone.

transgender people and crossdressers live their labels... they can be ok with this all day...they can dress when they can, they can "partially" transition...they can wish they dressed more or realize they don't want to dress this weekend because its a hassle...they have all kinds of options...they can insist they are the gender they present and that's fine, or they can just be the way they are which is fine too...

Alot of us tried this...just be happy...live your life....well it turns out for transsexuals the only way they can live their lives is as women(mtf)... not transgender not crossdressers that went all the way...just plain women..

we found out that it actually has nothing to do with labels....it actually has nothing to do with being happy either..

i was happy alot of the time until a time came where it was impossible...but it was much worse than that...there was not a moments peace...there was just nothing to live for at all...labels and happiness were nothings...it was just a suffocating trap..
this is how a big majority of us lived it to different degrees..and it spurred many of us to drastic action..if you didn't suffer these feelings, truly that is good for you, but it does not mean anything else....

and if you going along your merry way in fantasy happy no labels land and you are transsexual, you will find out. perhaps Cindy in the OP is finding out and i advised her to take it very seriously, its very serious.

so when you say just be happy or you say who cares about labels,
you are not only missing the point, you are actually not even in the conversation.

[EvaMarie]

I get you and I can relate but I guess I prefer to live in the present, yes I was in a bad place in the time before I knew I wasn't gonna be able to keep my GD bottled up much longer... But just finally coming out to my self and forgiving myself and letting go of all the guilt and shame and just accepting myself was huge for me... I for once at least saw things clearly once I was willing to be honest with myself... For me anyway I was never sure just what the hell was "wrong" with me... It was like a light came on one day and my feelings just couldn't be ignored any longer... I knew it was time and it was scary as hell to think about but it was also VERY empowering to finally have some clarity instead of confusion... Once it all finally mostly made sense I was very happy

But that wasn't the end, it was only the beginning, sure I knew I wanted badly to transition but there were a lot of doubts and fears... I was still under the influence of T after all and there were questions in my mind I didnt have answers for... Like is this for real or is it just some weird kink??? I wasted a lot of energy wondering if I had "autogynephillia".... I was scared Id never be accepted as a woman and that this could all be a HUGE mistake Id regret... I tried to convince myself I could just CD and keep up the man act but I knew that was a lie...

That was all very exhausting so one day I just decided not to worry about and just go for it and try to be happy and I vowed to try to love and accept myself no matter what.... I found the less I worried about all that crap the better I felt and the happier I was... Small steps kept building on each other and my confidence increased... I had and I retain a "I really dont give a **** what you think of me" attitude... I slowly stopped worrying about every little thing from my appearance to how I walked, talked, sat ect... The herbal stuff and then the HRT, getting rid of the T and going on E helped a lot.... Then for a short while I worried if it was real or just the effects of the E... But I soon realized it really didn't matter... I felt so much better and I was so much happier so I just quit worrying about that....

The steps started getting bigger,harder and irreversible like laser and electro on the beard, coming out to family ect... With each one the doubt faded away and my confidence increased... There are times I feel like Im going nowhere but all I have to do is look back at where I came from to see that's not true at all....

I guess thats what I mean when I say dont worry if your not sure, be honest with yourself, give it your best effort and above all try to enjoy the ride and be happy

Now thats just my experience, Im not trying to "brag" just sharing my perspective... Everyone's circumstances are different, I can offer no insight on what to do about a wife and kids or what to do about the job ect...

[MsVal]

I think that Kaitlyn and I are saying similar things in quite different ways.

Outside a clinical context, labels are worth a lot less than a person's feelings and beliefs, and in some cases may actually be harmful.

If gender dysphoria is causing significant misery and the sufferer believes that transition will bring happiness then pursue happiness.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I don't live in the past. Not even a little bit.
However the past informs the future. Ignore the past, and repeat the mistakes of it...simple.

There is nothing inherently pessimistic or dark about taking something seriously. Being realistic about what actually happens over and over again is just being realistic ..no more than that..
It's by NOT taking it seriously enough that transsexuals risk very bad outcomes. That just is what it is..


If i could sum up thousands of messages and why i am here, it is to try to help people beat gender dysphoria. I have posted so many times its all repeated...gender dysphoria is awful(duh)... Use any means neccessary to beat it because it will never stop coming at you...it will only get worse over time..be honest and direct with loved ones, do not make promises because you may not be able to keep them...go to therapy and work hard at it....don't live for therapy, use it to understand how you cope and why you behave the way you do...if the GD gets bad, don't get down on yourself, its just your true self trying to survive...you can't FIGHT gender dysphoria, you can only try to make peace with it, and if you are transsexual (This was your question) you "will find out" that you can't ever make peace with it and you'll be forced to simply survive it.....the "your bell has rung and it cant be unrung" is totally true even if a cliche..
You should try everything you can to avoid transition but if you do transition, do it well... be smart, plan well, be safe, use real doctors, don't lie to your therapist......if you transition lots of people are rooting against you, others are truly afraid for you... your best answer is to THRIVE. and if you do that, you will win almost all of them over and you will find GD completely gone from your life...

characterizing it as pessimistic or dark or in the past is just not meaningful to me... what is meaningful is action that leads to a result.. the result being beating gender dysphoria and learning to live your best quality of life...and everything i say or do here is my best try to help people live their most honest and best quality of life....

[stefan37]

Happiness is relative and not guaranteed by transition!!

[flatlander_48]

Thoughts To Consider:

• If you feel driven to crossdress or if it feels like it may be a bit out of control, it may be time to consider finding a therapist to work with
• The purpose of working with a therapist is to help you understand where you are currently, how you feel about yourself, understand how attitudes and activities have progressed or changed over your life and begin to help figure out what your path should be
  
  • Nothing should happen until YOU understand YOUR situation as you are the one who must live with whatever decisions are made
  
  
• The categories most mentioned here (crossdresser, transgender and transsexual) are fairly gross descriptions. We run into trouble when we try to include too much detail or add too many qualifiers
• When we wear clothes opposite to our gender assignment at birth, it is in support of wishing to present as the other gender. In other words, for most of us crossdressers, the desire to present drives wearing the clothes and not vice-versa

A General Thought For All:

• While we within the community usually understand what is meant by the shorthand term "trans", I suspect it is a source of confusion and misunderstanding when communicating with those outside of the community. Using the full terms Transgender and Transsexual consistently and appropriately would probably help clear up much of the misapplication.

DeeAnn