honesty

[Cindy J Angel]

With the title being said, the fact that we can be who aver we went to be or say on here and no one will aver know how honest are we to each outher.
I just posted some things about me tg vs ts and to be honest i have come to conclusion that i am transexual I was just too scared to say it.
I fell i can actually be more honesty on here then out in the life were we have to be guarded to a pont. You dont went you feelings hurt and you don't want to hurt others feelings. So you dont tell averthing you hold back some.

I on the outher hand I tell aver thing to you on here, how i feel, what i have done, i dont hold back i went to be honest to all so i do get your honest opinion back. Yes the fourm dos hold a little security in that. But once you put it out there its out there. And that dose make me wonder. Aver now and then i will goggle my name to see what has gotten out for all to see. And by the way some has a pic got out for my name. But i have not seen that pic again. Or anything else. So how honest do you think you really are to averbody including your therapist your wife if you are married and the fourm.

1 wife 40% now dont get mad we all hold back some to them i maybe a little more dont like being belittled for Who I am.
2 life 50 50 dont went it used against you and like I said before you don't want your feelings hurt you don't want to hurt others
3 this fourm 100% this is were i let to all out what i have done what i went to do and what i do. I use the security of site not knowing who i am. Even though i went to meet gf friends from this site. I feel that you will hold my secrets for you have walked i my path.

I know some will say you need to be honest to your wife but it is what it is for now. She is just not accepting of this lifestyle and I don't blame her she married a man and not a woman. So i keep some of this guarded from her.

This came up from a post in the cd section. Love Cindy

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Transsexual is not a lifestyle. It is who and what you are ..a woman...it is a really big bridge to cross to be so afraid and then come out and say it...i know how hard that is...i viewed myself as cd for most of my life...
this is all colored by my experience but it will be echoed by many.

you called it a lifestyle and that is telling... ts in not that...being a woman is not a lifestyle or a choice to make
If you are transsexual you are continuing to hurt her and have a false relationship that will ultimately result in even more heartache especially for her
...you are forcing her to invest her life and love into a lie..

... a tg or cd lifestyle is something many folks hide from their wives ... i can understand this and in the end its something you can often successfully keep out of the marriage if you are inclined..

but most ts people will say they don't have a lot in common with crossdressers
...apart from them being men and us being women (mtf), it is quite simple to hide clothes and makeup and dress in secret, although a ts person can do physically do that, it does not help with the condition

if you are truly realizing you are transsexual you need to deal with it because it will not go away, it will very likely make you feel worse and worse and if you try to hold it in it will blow up in your face..
hiding it from your wife is a disaster waiting to happen.

if you are working with a therapist you are going to have to spend some hard time with this because you are risking entering a world of pain..

sorry...you asked for honesty.

[Rebecca Watson]

i have come to conclusion that i am transexual I was just too scared to say it.

Congratulations! Nowadays I prefer transsexual to transgender (or just woman) --- transgender seems too wussy a term to describe me (having had FFS and actively seeking SRS).

(I'm not going to comment on your family situation.)

I'm an honest person in general; but I don't always disclose every personal detail about my life. My wife? She took the kids and is long gone. My therapist? I'm selective with what I tell him; he's the one who writes my SRS referral, so I can't afford slip-ups (but I'm nearly there with the referral). On this forum? I don't lie (although I use a fake name), but I'm hardly going to reveal deeply personal information to a bunch of strangers.

- Becky

[Cindy J Angel]

Kaitlyn yes you are ts or tg is not a lifestyle but the journey to get to were i am. And at time that was a lifestyle the cding. After i realizing I was TG that was when i started to see i was a woman my whole life was as a woman i just pretended to be a man overreacting to prove it. I dont hide my clothes there hanging in my closet for all to c and my makeup is on my makeup table. Just this moring i was told i was not a woman by my wife. She will naver except we be a woman. Hurting her or not i have to look after me in time we mite not be to gather but i tell the i will hold back telling her things to keep from hurting her and me. That is just the we live. Some can but most can not and that is life

REBECCA thats ok if you dont comet on family. but i was asking how honest aver bodys else is on the forum and life in general i know were i stand at home. i will go some place with her but not outher just to keep the peace.
Personal information well that your business can if you want but you don't have to.
My pont was how honest aver body was in life, on here, and with there therapist. I have told my therapist everything about me can you help me if he doesn't know me. Love cindy

[PretzelGirl]

Honesty can be a tough thing to synchronize everyone on because there are different feelings on how far to take it. It also depends on who is the receiver of that information. In that I mean a few things. Some people may believe that everything should be on the table and some others are okay with honesty meaning the pertinent information. So just the definition of the word without considering situational variables will cause some differences of opinion.

Withholding either seemingly irrelevant or other people's private information does not break honesty to me when it comes to this forum. First off, we can't tell our complete story, that is an autobiography. So we gin it down to what we think are the facts and thoughts that apply. Nothing dishonest there and generally that doesn't alter the level of support or opinion provided back. Sometimes it can also appear that there is dishonesty on a forum like this because the person is learning and potentially evolving. So we have to be careful about pulling up old posts on people and holding it up as evidence. That has certainly been a way to call out frauds, but most people that are here over time will make conflicting statements because of their self realizations. For instanc, a common one for many of us was saying when we first got here that we weren't transitioning. Nothing dishonest, we just hadn't figured it out yet.

I am one that believes there is no reason to be dishonest to a spouse. I love her with all my heart, so why should I fear her knowing something? Now there is a difference between honesty and talking about everything. It doesn't do any good to recant a teenage story of being in the back seat with Mary Jo and such and such happened. Some people call that a lack of honestly, but again, we aren't talking autobiographies here. I know there are a variety of opinions on what to share with a spouse and they are all valid as we each take relationships on based on our expectations and wishes.

Therapists....again I think we will all think differently. I went to my therapist so that I could ensure that my head was screwed on straight. I couldn't see holding anything back. That is what the relationship is suppose to be is one of confidentiality so that a complete and true form of feedback and guidance is given. If you hold anything back, it takes away their ability to perform their job to the best of their ability. Again, my opinion.

I will say this. If you forego complete honesty with anyone, it has the potential to bite you in the butt later on if you have to come clean with them. So even if you feel that it is right to withhold information, you do have to consider what you are setting yourself up for in the future. Life's everyday consequences, so there is nothing new there.

[Rianna Humble]

I will let others decide how honest they feel I am when I post here, my life story has gone viral and even when I try to do something semi-private it seems to find its way into the press either here or abroad so if someone wants to judge how honest I am being, they have plenty of resources to judge me by. (If you're not sure what I mean, google my name I got 17400 results when I tried it just now)

I had an interesting relationship with my Gender Specialist (the nearest to a therapist that I got) because we talked about politics more than we talked about me, but it gave him a good handle on how I was coping.

The only time I considered marriage, I soon realised that she needed a man and that that ruled me out.

In general, I try to be honest in all my dealings - it is so much simpler - but that doesn't mean telling 100% brutal truth every time when to mitigate might serve the other person better.

[Kathryn Martin]

Well you just posted on a public forum with a picture and name. Truthful - maybe, but also a little foolish.

[Leah Lynn]

My wife never knew about certain aspectsof my military duties. She did not know that I'd been to Vietnam. Only recently have I begun telling my kids about those things. There were other thingsI kept from her. She did know that I dressed, but I didn't figure out the TS until after her death.

As for my therapist , I've told her things about myself that I've never told a soul. Deep dark secrets, that I'd nearly forgotten about. Totally 100%.

Here, again, 100%. No need to lie here.

I'll give you the truth. I may abrieviate it, not expound on it, but it will be true. If i omit something, it's either not essential, or none of anyone else's business.

Leah

[LeaP]

I googled myself. I want to assure everyone that I'm absolutely not Scott Bakula in drag.

It is not so much a matter of honesty for me as it is openness. I'm honest here, but guarded in a variety of ways and for the reasons at which Kathryn hints. I value being anonymous in some ways, but I also value being known for credibility's sake, and there are a number of people here who know who I am. I share some personal things, but am more likely to speak conceptually and theoretically.

As it applies to the issues discussed here, honesty is over-rated to the degree that it is mistaken for truth. The latter is subtle and precious. Being forthcoming plays a small part in finding the treasure.

[Sammy777]

I am as honest as I need to be in life, on here and with my therapist.
I know, that may sound odd, but there is really no other way to say it.
Sometimes an omission, certain details withheld, or an outright lie is better for all parties concerned then the truth.

In life people sometimes want to be lied to, they do not want the truth, they can not handle the truth, so give them what they want and move on. On the surface this sound shitty, manipulative, underhanded, dirty, ect, but think about how many "white lies" you've told, and probably get told on a daily basis.

Some people are just not equipped to handle having someone be brutally honest with them.
There are times however when you need to be completely honest not only with yourself but with those around you.

My therapist? I'm selective with what I tell him; he's the one who writes my SRS referral, so I can't afford slip-ups (but I'm nearly there with the referral).

I found this very interesting to say the least.
Why do you feel you need to, for lack of a better phrase, lead him on to get your referral letter from him?
What do you consider to be a "slip-up" if you tell them?

This isn't 40 years ago where if you ever hoped to get approval you had to pretty much outright lie if you didn't fit into the narrow little box of what a transsexual was back then.

I personally may not tell mine every little bit about my life, 42 minutes go by fast, lol, but if they ask a question, I give them the most honest answer I have for them at that time. If it pertains to me being TS in general, or something I or them want/need to discuss or think might be relevant then I am an open book.

[EvaMarie]

I'll agree that there is nothing to gain from lying or not "being honest" with a psych or "therapist"... While I have at times resented the whole gate keeper deal for a lot of reasons there IS value in really putting it all out there to someone you gotta see anyway to get SRS and getting their opinion and insight... But its best to work with someone who is experienced with GD if possible obviously...

As far as lying on this or other forums goes??? I agree we aren't all gonna put it ALL out there on the net but "honestly" I cant see why anyone would want to pretend to be a tranny online To insinuate or accuse someone of that to me just seems weird... If your trans an internet post or some character online isnt gonna have much at all ever to do with your own personal decisions.... Honestly Ive been on just about every other forum there is related to this and the atmosphere here is intriguing and unique

[Anne2345]

As far as lying on this or other forums goes??? I agree we aren't all gonna put it ALL out there on the net but "honestly" I cant see why anyone would want to pretend to be a tranny online To insinuate or accuse someone of that to me just seems weird...

Speak for yourself, EvaMarie. Some of us DO put it all out there. Without lying, even. Honestly . . . . .

As for LeaP, having had the pleasure of spending good, quality time with her here and there along the way out in the real world over the past couple of years, I can attest that she certainly is no Scott Bakula in drag . . . .

[EvaMarie]

Oh I will thanks Sis .) I really have NOTHING to hide.... Old friends and family could easily find me here or elsewhere on the net... While Im OUT with everyone I know that matters to me I'll admit what they know and they do know MOST of it... It is uncomfortable to think anyone who really knows me could just do some easy searching and read the most intimate things about me

To accuse anyone new or old here of lying is just insulting and inappropriate though... WTF???

[Rianna Humble]

Eva, you brought up the subject of lying, no-one else. Anne can honestly say - without the lying that you seem to obsess about, that she has put it all out there.

So before you accuse others of saying something about you, try looking at who keeps harping on about the subject. There are now precisely three mentions of the word in this thread that do not come from you (two in my first paragraph).

[LeaP]

As for LeaP, ...I can attest that she certainly is no Scott Bakula in drag . . . .

Hmmm - thank you. I think.

[becky77]

My therapist? I'm selective with what I tell him; he's the one who writes my SRS referral, so I can't afford slip-ups (but I'm nearly there with the referral).
- Becky

Why would you lie to the therapist?
If SRS is right for you and the long term effect of this drastic surgery is benificial to your mental well being, then you should be able to be fully open and truthful.
If there is even a chance you are wrong or unknowingly deluded, you have tricked the system, the buck stops at you.

The problem with being honest is that is only the honesty of the truth you feel at that time. 18 months ago my honesty was that my life was a mess and my future was hopeless, suicide seemed like a good option.
My honesty now is entirely based on my new current situation, as someone else said being honest isn't the truth it just the way we see things at the moment. Unfortunately we often don't see the woods for the trees, that's why we rely so heavily on a Therapist. hopefully they will see things we don't. If you are not honest with a therapist then why bother?

I think if you can't be honest with a therapist, then you can't be honest with yourself, dangerous ground that.

[Jorja]

[COLOR="#800080"]This isn't 40 years ago where if you ever hoped to get approval you had to pretty much outright lie if you didn't fit into the narrow little box of what a transsexual was back then.

Hey, I resemble that remark!

[Janice Ashton]

Why label yourself, just enjoy who you are and live the life you want....