Sunday was the first time I was ever full dressed and full make up with wig n all. The past week I go from feeling indifferent from doing it again to bring a bit panicked and wanting to purge.
Have any of you felt like you've accomplished the illusion and no longer have an urge to dress? If so does it come back? Frankly I feel a bit empty and confused.
When I die, bury me face down so the world can kiss my
Countess
That's not uncommon. I've had long stretches between, and different reasons to purge. Some of it comes from a feeling of guilt. Cross dressing is not a mainstream activity and there is a societal basis against it. We are part of this society, so sometimes we feel guilty or awkward when we don't fit the bulk of the normal distribution. If we have a spouse or SO that is uncomfortable even if they are tolerant, it is also natural to desire their happiness and approval. When that doesn't match our activities, we can feel distress.
Even though crossdressing is not right or wrong, how we feel about it is as irrational as the desire to do it. My best advice is to try to understand why you feel the way you do. Look for your triggers and examine your thought process. Use some of the problem solving and relationship building tools that are out there.
Even if you end up deciding to change your path, acknowledge where you've been and use that experience to your benefit moving forward. And always remember you are a worthwhile person and try to be the best "you" you can be. Don't be to hasty to purge, but don't let the financial or loss of mere material items be a deciding factor. It's all about who you want to be and what type of relationships you want. But it always starts with you. Love your neighbor as yourself sucks if you don't love yourself first!
We're here for you.
Ultimately its your decision, but purging is like DEFCON 1. Only after all diplomatic channels have been exhausted. I have told others to put your gear away, occupy your time in other ways. The feeling never goes away, for some this is a life sentence. So you might as well make the best of it. Besides you look great I encourage all gurls never purge, but I'm very different than most here.
Last edited by FrancineS; 03-27-2015 at 11:58 AM. Reason: grammar
I did not walk at Harvard, Princeton or Yale.
But if you examine my record.
You shall see I've earned a PhD
In the art of the fail.
FMS
Countess, as with any situation that brings turmoil into your life, patience is vastly preferred over making rash, snap decisions. Your urges will return...probably with a vengeance should you purge. Learn to live with the ebb and flow...find the balance. And learn accept your transgenderism with joy, instead of something to feel guilty about. It's a gift, not a curse.
I have purged several times and have always regretted it later. While raising my kids I didn't dress and it was tough as I had the urges so many times. It seems that to quieten that feeling to dress I had to actually smell a tube of my wife's lipstick or dab a small amount on. With the kids I didn't want any evidence of dressing but the urges do come and go. As I've gotten older the urges are more often than ever. Maybe it's the getting older thing and knowing life is getting on the short end of the string. The last purge is when I know for sure this is the last one. If life is over unsuspectantly my wife is going to purge for me. I still don't want my kids to know.
Store, stow, hide, whatever but don't toss. If years go by, donate.
Your feelings are much the same as most have had.
I've had spouts where I lose the desire to dress, but they always come back sooner or later. So maybe just hide your things, but don't toss just yet.
I think alot of us have been in your situation, you may have gotten it out of your system ( for now) and may even feel a bit guilty for doing it. Both are normal behaviors after dressing, especially that early in your cd'ing. As others have said I wouldnt purge, because it will come back, just tuck your girlie things away for now. It will return on it's own. All those things you feel, we all felt at one time or another. Maybe you need a minute to grasp the reality of your situation...I know I had to do that a few times before I found out where I was on the crossdressing scale. enjoy it....this is supposed to be fun xoxo
Put all of your stuff in a box. Place the box in a closet and leave it alone. Then just relax and think about something else. Believe me, this will sort itself out.
Thanks everyone. I feel better knowing that it's normal. If there is such a thing as normal anymore. I think I might box up and refocus my attention elsewhere.
When I die, bury me face down so the world can kiss my
I was on such a high after my first time fully dressed with wig and makeup, especially after getting encouraging comments from other members when I posted some pictures on here. Then the desire faded, came back, faded, came back etc. I think what I'm trying to say is, as long as your confident of your stash-security, put everything away and await the inevitable desire to return.
Some of us find it a lifelong blessing. Just sayin'.Originally Posted by FrancineS
Hi Countess . You have had great advice from the great girl's here .
Sme very experienced and some just beginning their journey , but they are all correct dressing is like a pay check !! its sure to happen some time soon .
embrace and enjoy , Katie x.
Quite!
Normal doesn't really infiltrate our world very often... but you're fine Countess, try not to worry about the subtle forum pressure here to be girly every day... it's not for all of us - 54 days and counting for me... But don't purge... maybe if you left it a couple years things would just be out of fashion, but not short term..
Like you say - box it and find some other stuff to do until you really feel like it again...
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
Don't purge, don't pack your things away, don't do anything yet. You've had a new experience, and you're still adjusting to it emotionally. This experience is an important one, and it will take time to decide how you feel about it. Give it a few weeks before you do anything. It may seem easier to pack the whole thing away and forget about it, but if you do that, you will be doing yourself a disservice. You deserve to come to grips with this and understand it.
No new experience is ever the way we expect it to be. But was it worth it? Only you can decide. Every new experience opens new doors that we didn't realize we're there. This can be scary if you're not ready to walk through them. But you don't have to walk through them, yet. You can wait until you're ready, if ever. You may indeed decide to walk away from CDing forever. But don't try to do that until you've thought about it long and hard, and until you're sure it's the right decision for you.
Cynthia has it right, get a plastic bag put all your clothes in it and a few mothballs, then archive it.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
It's been so long...I can't honestly recall any such feelings when I first dressed completely. My best guess is that once I opened up the possibility, I just wanted more.
But all of that followed my finally accepting myself for who I was. Prior to that I went through the usual cycle of under dressing or wearing lingerie, purges and shame...then repeat.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Its a good idea to put your clothes away for a while. Out of sight, out of mind. I have lost many beautiful things during purges, always regretted it, always wished I had found a better way. That and the ridiculous amount of money wasted during those purges... well lets just say its a lot cheaper NOT to purge.
A good way to protect against purging too soon is to invest in a few moving boxes. A wardrobe box and a large moving boxe would hold everything I own and would fit in a small space in the basement. If you find that you can't resist CDing in the future you have something that you don't have to purchase. If not your hiers will have the chore of getting rid of that mystery "junk".
Rhanda
Last edited by Rhanda; 03-28-2015 at 12:47 PM.
The advice given here I agree with completely. I started going out in 1977 or 78. I purged numerous times. But after the first time when I placed everything i had in a charity bin, I would just store my things in my attic. Its a lot cheaper and i like to look at outfits i wore years ago and remember the event I wore them to.
Terri
It's all padlocked away, polish removed, Alpha man mode engaged. :-P
The feeling and its intensity comes and goes, but always returns. "Accomplished the illusion" yes, but there is always the desire to do it better. Even if not better, just the desire to do it again.
I've been reflecting on it and I'm wondering if cd'ing is an extension of my pathological loathing for authority. Yes, that includes moderators.
I have a real don't tell me what to do attitude and I'm wondering it that extends to being told what to wear, think, what music is not appropriate for my gender and so forth.
What do you all think? Could crossdressing be a form of rebellion?
When I die, bury me face down so the world can kiss my
Absolutely I think it can be a form of rebellion. But I also think it extends far more deeper than that. There are so many facets to dressing. The feeling you get, the euphoria when you start putting on make up and stockings and corsets and dresses and shoes and... well you get the picture. The peace of mind, the shopping (is shopping a feeling? I suppose one could argue that it is), the risk, and many more, all play into it.
I've never got to accomplish the illusion yet and see myself as a work in progress. I hope that if I do get to that point, I continue because I see it as a journey of self-discovery and I'm hoping that I just love the person I find.
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