why?

[Lorileah]

Is dressing your license, your pass, to leave the real world of what you are told you should be? Is it your way to escape?

When someone says they feel different in a dress or women's clothing over their daily lives, I wonder. And is this why you feel guilty during or after. Because you feel somehow you have not made a grade you should have? Thinking the stereotypical thought that women have less control over what happens around them? This is what I hear when someone says "I want to be submissive" or "When I dress I like a man to take control". Or when I see "when I am dressed I am more loving (passionate, caring)." What would happen if you, as a male, expressed these emotions? Would you be less a man? Could you be a man and be caring. Or allow others to take control of your life?

Now before everyone starts a flame war let me give you MY background. I am probably a type A person, I have been called a perfectionist. I have, in my life, wanted someone else to be the leader. We all have. I thought I was even submissive (how wrong that is...it's fun for about an hour). When I went 24/7, it was a weight off my shoulders and I thought things would be better. But I was still the Type A perfectionist person. The clothing didn't change that. I am, to be fair, much more open and gregarious. But that is because I am "me" now. So is dressing your way to be who you really are? Or is it just a release?

[pamela7]

I'm discovering yes this is more me, no it changes nothing about my leadership, nor type-A side.
It is clear people so far respond nicer to me, they are softer, more emotionally open, its less warfare more peace.
It is my new real world, I am not differentiating, for me i'm integrating aspects of me cut out by society.

[2B Natasha]

Hi Lori.

Felt I should reply to this one as I have had some of those same questions.

I am a leader type. captain of and sport team I played on. Lead in school plays. Lead an on the job. Project manager that was hands on. That does not change wight the clothes I wear. Whether in a pair of jeans and a shirt on a LBD and heels. I am a leader type. Hand ringing and bemoaning my circumstances is not my thing. Don't like it? change it is my attitude. Take control of your life. Don't leave it to another person.

Ok. So that's the leader part.

I almost make no change to how I am depending on the clothes I wear. An example of this is. While I have a female name I use when out and when dressed up. My mannerisms do not change. That's because. I sit with my legs curled under me on the sofa. I drink tea with my pinkie out. I hug people regularly. I cry. I hug and squeeze my kid. All while in man mode. Same as I do in female mode. So much so that my wife generally has a hard time remembering which name to use because there is so little difference between the two.

[Barbara Dugan]

I am pretty much the same person en fem or not, sweet and submissive

[Bria]

I,also, have been the Type A leader person, served on the school board, planning commission, vestry at church, business owner, etc. However I have reached a point in my life where I don't have to be the person on the front line, I now want to help, but not be the Chief, I am glad to just be an Indian in the group. Also I note that I don't care as much as I once did about what other people think of me, I guess I'm happy to be just who I am, I don't have to be something bigger or better or stronger. Maybe it's just maturing, it couldn't be old age!

Hugs, Bria

[Kate Simmons]

It's all about who I am as a person dressed one way or the other. I've amalgamated all of my feelings under one aegis and that allows me to be me, presentation notwithstanding.

[Dianne S]

Dressing, for me, is simply a means to an end, which is to live an authentic life as a woman. I'm still the same person and behave pretty much the same way no matter how I'm dressed, but I see myself as a woman and I want others to see me that way as well.

[cheryl reeves]

try pretending to be a man in a mans world,ive been pretending a long time and very good at it.when i dress i feel like i am suppose to feel and be. like i said before i like some of the man parts i was born with because i love women,especially my wife.

[Kandi Robbins]

Dressing hasn't changed me, it was the acceptance of my wife, that now allows me to properly dress that transformed me. Opened me right up, made me a much better man, husband and father. Acceptance and unconditional love are truly remarkable, something I will never forget or take for granted.

Now when I dress, I don't think any differently, but I do act in a more appropriate, feminine fashion. Dressing hasn't defined "me". For me I think the combination of the two genders has reshaped who I am. I find the experience to be so much fun, so I am sure there is somewhat of a release for me.

[kimdl93]

This has never been a disguise for me, no personality shift nor momentary escape from myself. I feel more along the lines of being comfortable (perhaps, at home?)with who I am when I'm dressed.

[Lily Catherine]

I've cross-dressed before I bothered with what on earth a type A person was. And recently that I knew better, I've been desperately pushing to become one for the sake of career advancement. Heels or no heels. I try to keep my attitudes and behaviours consistent regardless of gender presentation since I ultimately am Lilian and refuse to consider her a separate and detachable identity.

I also believe in the Serenity Prayer (acceptance of the unchangeable, action upon the changeable, ability to discern the two). My agency does not depend on my clothes, though I strongly supect my self esteem still does. I have every intention to change that.

[Beverley Sims]

Dressing is just me, no pass to anything, I am outgoing and always want to take the floor at parties.

If I do it right, when dressed I am the life of the party, sometimes, if I fail I then go home and find out why.

I still want to look like a woman when dressed, no half and half.

[MissTee]

In the height of my pink fog days, I would definitely say dressing was a release. It would drive me to act differently, to gesture differently, and even to interact differently. Over time and as I was able to dress to my needs, all that faded. I accept me for who I am and now my clothing is my clothing. Dressing when home, then, allows me to cherish that femme portion of my personality I know exists. Dressing in drab allows me to fuel and cherish the male need in me.

In short, the real me has male and femme expectations and I try to give them equal opportunity to exist in my world.

[grace7777]

As to being submissive, I considered myself to be submissive before I ever started dressing en femme, and had communicated that to other people totally as a male.

When I first started to dress I viewed it as an escape, as a hobby, as a way to escape stress. I thought doing it a couple of days every few months would be enough. At the time I did not consider myself trans.

In late 2007 I first started to dress and first started going out in public in 2011. Over the last 2 years I have started to discover that I am trans. Two years ago I never considered transitioning a possibility, but now I am considering it. Now I think how great it would be to have a job where I could present myself as a women.

I think discovering that I am trans has made me a stronger person. My personality really does not change because I present as a female as opposed to a male. I do find myself to be more happy and content when presenting as a woman.

[Angie G]

It's a license and a pass to e who I am. It also is an escape. And I just love dressing on the soft side.
Angie

[Teresa]

Lorileah,
It feels like taking off a straight jacket, men are more restricted or we let ourselves be so ! I feel we are released to be whoever we want to be, so much of our passed is brought together when we dress, maybe it's a way of bringing some of that back !!

[Marcelle]

Hi Lorileah,

While I may dress differently, alter my mannerisms and voice when "en femme", I am still the same person (Type A perfectionist here as well ). The clothing I wear does not define my personality so I do not change that and many who have interacted with me dressed will attest to that . Clothing is just clothing and it only helps in as much to express my identity at that time as my uniform expresses that I am military. Isha is me and I am Isha irrespective of how I am dressed.

Hugs

Isha

[Tina_gm]

I sort ofI see how people can alter their behavior a bit while dressed. I think it is a means of a sort to let go of certain aspects, or to let out certain aspects. In some ways maybe I am like this? But, what I do see quite a bit on here is another entire personality. Like a split personality. That I do not understand. When I read "when I am (girl name) I do different things, like different things etc etc, that is something I do not experience. I don't know how to be a different person altogether. I am basically a feminine person regardless of how I am dressed. At work or at social functions I do restrain some of my feminine mannerisms and such. I do not need to be dressed to let them out when I am home alone and not dressed in womens clothes.

[sometimes_miss]

Ahhh, deja vu; is this another thread about why do we crossdress! Who would have imagined that this would happen (Not me, I'm getting short term memory loss). Well it's about time, we only get one about every other week. OK, I'll fill up the answers once again to supply some leisure reading.

Is dressing your license, your pass, to leave the real world of what you are told you should be?

No

Is it your way to escape?

No

When someone says they feel different in a dress or women's clothing over their daily lives, I wonder.

Why? The physical and visual feedback from women's clothing is different from men's clothing.

And is this why you feel guilty during or after.

I don't feel guilty.

Because you feel somehow you have not made a grade you should have?

Nope, no guilt at all.

Thinking the stereotypical thought that women have less control over what happens around them?

Perhaps you'd be surprised at how things could happen to a man over which he does not have any control. Consider that, it will take up a whole day.

This is what I hear when someone says "I want to be submissive" or "When I dress I like a man to take control".

That's not what I hear. I don't read into other people's statements things that they don't say. however, this is a common behavior of women, perhaps you're subconsciously doing that to make you feel that you're more female minded than you actually are?

Or when I see "when I am dressed I am more loving (passionate, caring)."

Or maybe they just feel afraid to behave more loving as a male because they're not comfortable with other people seeing that as a weakness.

What would happen if you, as a male, expressed these emotions? Would you be less a man?

That's the general fear, to be labeled that way. It's part of the homophobia that is forced into us as kids.

I have, in my life, wanted someone else to be the leader. We all have.

Perhaps initially as a kid, but lots of us grow out of that, because we find other so called leaders coming up short in the capability department.

So is dressing your way to be who you really are? Or is it just a release?

Rather than give you the condensed version, read the posts referred to in my sig to find out why I crossdress, it's much more complete. No, I mean really complete. Really really complete, like, ten minutes of reading complete, then another few weeks of analyzing it complete, then another decade of questioning all the theory complete. Yeah, it's pretty complete.

[cassiekat]

Sometimes_miss +1 for the use of homophobia😄 For me it is a split but in a very strange way. I think it's my male side that needs to crossdress??? My female side is passive but much stronger then my male side. I am much more emotional as a male, just started to cry openly a lot about 2 years ago but most of my emotions are anger, shame, sadness, guilt and did I mention anger😄 Cassandra is much more reserved. She may also like to dress but we have different styles. My male side likes wearing camouflage pants and t shirts and dressing like a tramp. Cassandra likes business casual at the least, suits and cute to classy femme attire.