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Thread: What am I to do?

  1. #1
    Member betty1253's Avatar
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    What am I to do?

    My situation has changed drastically almost overnight.
    I am in a a loving relationship with my wife, my femininity has never been an issue. My ability to express myself has been a gift for me. She enjoys who I am.

    About three weeks from today we got a call from our daughter. She was in a shelter with our 5 month old granddaughter. Seems her "man" got sort of violent towards her several times, no physical damage done, but, unacceptable behavior none the less.

    Daughter is now home with a 5.5 month old baby. Daughter is a wreck but baby has already made me love her. Daughter is still in love with her "man?"

    Daughter Does not know about me.

    So, the question becomes, do I add to her worries and come out to her? I don't see the point of doing this because what would be the point of showing her Betty?

    On the other hand, Betty would really like to hold her grandchild.

    Please feel free to comment on this. Trying to find answers.

    Missing my skirts,
    Betty

  2. #2
    Junior Member FrancineS's Avatar
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    This is one of the most perplexing things I've ever heard. Betty has every right to hold and cherish her granddaughter. But not wanting to add stress to your daughter she has plenty on her mind. Will Betty ever be with baby alone or without your daughter around? That might be the window of opportunity. This is certainty a quandary. May not be any wrong answer here. Good luck
    I did not walk at Harvard, Princeton or Yale.
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  3. #3
    Transman Andy66's Avatar
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    Im afraid I dont understand. You are YOU, no matter what clothing you are wearing, are you not? Therefore, Betty has already held the grandbaby... right??

  4. #4
    Silver Member DanaR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by betty1253 View Post
    ......................we got a call from our daughter. She was in a shelter with our 5 month old granddaughter. Seems her "man" got sort of violent towards her several times, no physical damage done, but, unacceptable behavior none the less ........................... Daughter is still in love with her "man?"......................
    I hope that you will get some help for you daughter. Domestic violence isn't something to fool around with.

    As far as your granddaughter goes, you are whoever you are no matter what you are wearing.
    Dana Ryan

  5. #5
    Transman Andy66's Avatar
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    I agree, your daughter needs to stay away from that man. What if he hurts that precious, helpless baby some day?

  6. #6
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    No, your daughter does not need any more on her plate right now.

    Be patient Betty, your daughter will soon be begging for babysitting services- no doubt!

    I hope to god she can break away from her gorilla, but we don't always do what's best for us do we.
    I used to have a short attention spa

  7. #7
    "It is what it is"
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    I agree that coming out to ur daughter would b more than she could cope with at this time. Perhaps when things settle down a bit, & ur daughter finds her own way, there will b opportunities for u & ur wife to have the baby alone so Betty can get her wish?

    BTW I also agree that u & Betty are one & the same person. Aren't u?

    Shaedow
    GG

  8. #8
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    While it may not be a worry to your daughter, in a crisis, which this is, she comes first. So put revelations on hold, you still are holding your grand-daughter. She may well need you to be the strong man to stand up and tell the man to sort himself out, and he'll probably listen better man-to-man. He needs help, possibly psychiatric, to address his need to physically abuse someone under his power.

    xxx Pamela
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    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  9. #9
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    maybe give it another three weeks and tell her. see if you can find an excuse for her to go for an afternoon out so you can crossdress

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Betty,
    Coming out to my daughter was by accident, not that she caught me dressed but I was washing and ironing some of my things and she questioned who they belonged to !
    She has problems of her own, but we talk about my CDing as it's appears to help her as much as it helps me and through this we have developed a much closer relationship !
    As we all know everyone is different, some people accept CDing and some don't ! I guess only you know your daughter well enough to decide that !
    Last edited by Teresa; 03-29-2015 at 06:03 AM.

  11. #11
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    Betty,

    Please put your daughter's needs first. After all, hers are pretty basic, food, clothing, and shelter? You seem focused only on what you can't have. Focus on your daughter and grand daughter right now and help them through this tough time. You will not regret it.

    Jeri

  12. #12
    Silver Member STACY B's Avatar
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    To Hell with that !! It's your HOUSE ,, Do what you want to ,, You have givin her a Nice an Free place to fall into . Why compromise your life for the sake of someone else . Hell it's not like your an AX murderer ,, You can Love that Grand Baby an Love your Daughter wearing anything you want to in YOUR HOUSE .

    Hell that Clown is the one that Abused her not you ,, An as far as He goes Betty can still straighten him up in womans clothes . Men who abuse Woman are COWARDS so don't think that just because Betty is wearing nice clothes she can't handle his But .

    I would give her some hints an just come on out with it ,, To hell with all that Dancing around Crap , Might be a Nice distraction for her to see there are ALL KINDS of people out there ,, Not only JACK HOLES that Abuse her . Get a grip people it's only CLOTHES !

  13. #13
    Platinum Member
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    Hi Betty, Talk about being between a Rock and a Hard place, This is a tough one I would go slow
    and let things adjust a little.

    Please do keep us advised,
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  14. #14
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Betty, now is about your daughter and granddaughter, so please back burner your dressing for their sakes. For the sake of argument, consider that if she freaks over your dressing, she could go back to the man who has hurt her. Give it a while.

  15. #15
    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
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    I have read and re-read all the pros and cons from our "sisters" concerning this "problem". The only solace I can offer at this point is that you are protecting her from harm as well as your grandbaby. Her emotional state at this point is very, very fragile and I will suggest to you that you might speak to your wife first about what you are considering. Me personally, I would take a "wait and see attitude" for a while.

    Molly
    "To thine own self be true"

  16. #16
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Give the situation a chance to calm before making such decisions. It is possible that your daughters husband might get help and the family might be restored. It's not a strong possibility, but it happens.

    But whether your daughter stays with you for a few weeks or longer,my ou have to decide, eventually, how much of your life you want to share with her, and then her children. If you plan to live more openly then consider a plan for coming out...after her initial crisis has passed.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  17. #17
    A lady in the making..... Erica Marie's Avatar
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    I would say not to tell her at this time. Wait at least a few weeks till things settle down. Then maybe you can sit down and have a private talk with her. First ask her how she is doing and make sure she is on the right track to her and her childs safety. Then if things are ok tell her there is something you would like her to know, and explain to her your true feelings.
    Erica

  18. #18
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    I'll take the opposite tack... your daughter isn't a child any more. She has a child of her own. She has a domestic situation. She's totally an adult. She can handle this. Make it very clear that she's welcome in your house, but say, "Now that you're grown, there's a conversation we should have." By all means let her situation stabilize before getting into it. Maybe foreshadow events by wearing clear nail polish or ambiguous clothing. And since your wife is supportive have her be part of the conversation too.

  19. #19
    Senior Member MissTee's Avatar
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    First, I am so sorry to hear that your daughter has to face this. I come from a broken home where abuse was the norm, so I can tell you from the "other side" your strength as a father will be very instrumental in helping your daughter move forward -- and hopefully away from an abusive relationship. As for outing yourself to her, I feel that can wait. There is plenty of time to make that happen in the future and under circumstances you control.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Melissa Rose's Avatar
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    Betty, I am sorry your daughter is experiencing abuse at the hands of her partner. There are more types of domestic violence than just physical so it is good she and your grandchild are away from that environment. I work at a domestic violence and sexual assault agency so my comments are coming from that perspective and not a transgender one.

    When your daughter is ready, she should seek out domestic violence counseling, but only when she is ready and willing to go. While she is in your home and escaping a violent environment, it would probably be best not to reveal your cross dressing as difficult as it may be for you. Find another outlet besides at home (e.g., a local group, get a hotel room if financially feasible) if needed. While it falls into the gender stereotyping many are trying to break down, she needs a solid, dependable and safe male presence in her life to counterbalance her recent experiences. Depending on the age of your granddaughter, the same applies and even more so. Where possible and reasonable, her short-term needs and recovery should take a priority over your cross dressing. She likely has few resources and options while you probably have more. While revealing your cross dressing may have a positive or neutral outcome, are you willing to take the chance of it negatively compounding an already difficult situation for her and your family? Blowing up the image (idealized or not) of her dad may add to the misery and conflict she is already experiencing. Being a parent of an adult son myself, parents still on occasion make personal sacrifices and put the welfare of their adult children before their own.

    I wish her and you the best through this difficult time. As much as you want Betty to be part of her's and your granddaughter's life, now is not the time to initiate it.

  21. #21
    Member betty1253's Avatar
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    Thank you all for your thoughts. There is much to think about.
    I am not so much focused on my needs, but damn, I miss it.

    Betty

  22. #22
    Aspiring drama queen Isabella Ross's Avatar
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    Apologies to the majority who've posted here, but I'm standing with Jennie on this one. Your house -- that is, yours and your wife's. So if it's okay with your supportive wife, I would have that conversation. Sounds like a little honesty and less subterfuge could really help a bad situation.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member
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    Outing can wait, I reckon your daughter would need more support concerning the domestic violence she has been experiencing as a priority.

  24. #24
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Betty - sometimes we all have to miss things in life because of what happens in or to families... Unless you are prepared to be totally open all of the time (I am making the possibly incorrect assumption here that you are only open to your wife?) then this is something you do only part-time...

    It sometimes helps to make a list of priorities so that you can sort and re-order them.... so for parents;

    1) Children






    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  25. #25
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    "O,what fragile webs we weave when we practice to deceive." Remember that it is always better to be truthful than to hide who you really are. You have made your daughter welcome back into your home. This should also mean that she has the right to know most things that relate to conditions that will influence her daughter. Please find a way to tell her and let her deal with it now rather than to find out about it after something bad happen that she may try to blame on you.

    Make sure that she knows that your love and concern is the reason that she is always welcome but you have your own life to live too.

    Rhanda

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