What am I to do?

[betty1253]

My situation has changed drastically almost overnight.
I am in a a loving relationship with my wife, my femininity has never been an issue. My ability to express myself has been a gift for me. She enjoys who I am.

About three weeks from today we got a call from our daughter. She was in a shelter with our 5 month old granddaughter. Seems her "man" got sort of violent towards her several times, no physical damage done, but, unacceptable behavior none the less.

Daughter is now home with a 5.5 month old baby. Daughter is a wreck but baby has already made me love her. Daughter is still in love with her "man?"

Daughter Does not know about me.

So, the question becomes, do I add to her worries and come out to her? I don't see the point of doing this because what would be the point of showing her Betty?

On the other hand, Betty would really like to hold her grandchild.

Please feel free to comment on this. Trying to find answers.

Missing my skirts,
Betty

[FrancineS]

This is one of the most perplexing things I've ever heard. Betty has every right to hold and cherish her granddaughter. But not wanting to add stress to your daughter she has plenty on her mind. Will Betty ever be with baby alone or without your daughter around? That might be the window of opportunity. This is certainty a quandary. May not be any wrong answer here. Good luck

[Andy66]

Im afraid I dont understand. You are YOU, no matter what clothing you are wearing, are you not? Therefore, Betty has already held the grandbaby... right??

[katie elouise]

Hi Betty .I am inclined to agree with Jenny and Isabella ,its your home and she is a grown woman .
personally I feel help and compromise is required all round, together with openness and honesty good luck Katie x .

[DanaR]

......................we got a call from our daughter. She was in a shelter with our 5 month old granddaughter. Seems her "man" got sort of violent towards her several times, no physical damage done, but, unacceptable behavior none the less ........................... Daughter is still in love with her "man?"......................

I hope that you will get some help for you daughter. Domestic violence isn't something to fool around with.

As far as your granddaughter goes, you are whoever you are no matter what you are wearing.

[Andy66]

I agree, your daughter needs to stay away from that man. What if he hurts that precious, helpless baby some day?

[Angie G]

ayour daughter and granddaughters wellbeing are more then Betty wanting the hold the baby. get them taking care of fefor you think of you hun.I don't think she needs more on her plate right now.
Angie

[Nikkilovesdresses]

No, your daughter does not need any more on her plate right now.

Be patient Betty, your daughter will soon be begging for babysitting services- no doubt!

I hope to god she can break away from her gorilla, but we don't always do what's best for us do we.

[Alaina R]

In a situation like this, do what is best for your daughter - end of story. Hard for me to see how bringing the CDing up during an already very stressful time for her would be appropriate.

[Shaedow]

I agree that coming out to ur daughter would b more than she could cope with at this time. Perhaps when things settle down a bit, & ur daughter finds her own way, there will b opportunities for u & ur wife to have the baby alone so Betty can get her wish?

BTW I also agree that u & Betty are one & the same person. Aren't u?

Shaedow
GG

[pamela7]

While it may not be a worry to your daughter, in a crisis, which this is, she comes first. So put revelations on hold, you still are holding your grand-daughter. She may well need you to be the strong man to stand up and tell the man to sort himself out, and he'll probably listen better man-to-man. He needs help, possibly psychiatric, to address his need to physically abuse someone under his power.

xxx Pamela

[veronicapvc]

maybe give it another three weeks and tell her. see if you can find an excuse for her to go for an afternoon out so you can crossdress

[Emogene]

The following is an opinion based on a life time of observation. Didn't read the entire string but the guy in the scenario has to go; abusers do not change unless much time and effort is expended. A person who abuses others will continue to do so and in most cases will escalate the abuse over time. Your daughter and grandchild's personal safety, physically and mentally, are the big issue.

[Kate Simmons]

My one and only mission would be to protect my daughter and grand child regardless of my appearance

[betty1253]

Thank you all very much for your thoughts. Our daughter and grand daughter definitely have first priority.
We are trying to sort this all out.
And, yes, your right. Betty is holding her grand daughter no matter what she is wearing.

Betty

[Teresa]

Betty,
Coming out to my daughter was by accident, not that she caught me dressed but I was washing and ironing some of my things and she questioned who they belonged to !
She has problems of her own, but we talk about my CDing as it's appears to help her as much as it helps me and through this we have developed a much closer relationship !
As we all know everyone is different, some people accept CDing and some don't ! I guess only you know your daughter well enough to decide that !

[Jeri Ann]

Betty,

Please put your daughter's needs first. After all, hers are pretty basic, food, clothing, and shelter? You seem focused only on what you can't have. Focus on your daughter and grand daughter right now and help them through this tough time. You will not regret it.

Jeri

[STACY B]

To Hell with that !! It's your HOUSE ,, Do what you want to ,, You have givin her a Nice an Free place to fall into . Why compromise your life for the sake of someone else . Hell it's not like your an AX murderer ,, You can Love that Grand Baby an Love your Daughter wearing anything you want to in YOUR HOUSE .

Hell that Clown is the one that Abused her not you ,, An as far as He goes Betty can still straighten him up in womans clothes . Men who abuse Woman are COWARDS so don't think that just because Betty is wearing nice clothes she can't handle his But .

I would give her some hints an just come on out with it ,, To hell with all that Dancing around Crap , Might be a Nice distraction for her to see there are ALL KINDS of people out there ,, Not only JACK HOLES that Abuse her . Get a grip people it's only CLOTHES !

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Betty, Talk about being between a Rock and a Hard place, This is a tough one I would go slow
and let things adjust a little.

Please do keep us advised,

[alwayshave]

Betty, now is about your daughter and granddaughter, so please back burner your dressing for their sakes. For the sake of argument, consider that if she freaks over your dressing, she could go back to the man who has hurt her. Give it a while.

[Mollyanne]

I have read and re-read all the pros and cons from our "sisters" concerning this "problem". The only solace I can offer at this point is that you are protecting her from harm as well as your grandbaby. Her emotional state at this point is very, very fragile and I will suggest to you that you might speak to your wife first about what you are considering. Me personally, I would take a "wait and see attitude" for a while.

Molly

[kimdl93]

Give the situation a chance to calm before making such decisions. It is possible that your daughters husband might get help and the family might be restored. It's not a strong possibility, but it happens.

But whether your daughter stays with you for a few weeks or longer,my ou have to decide, eventually, how much of your life you want to share with her, and then her children. If you plan to live more openly then consider a plan for coming out...after her initial crisis has passed.

[Erica Marie]

I would say not to tell her at this time. Wait at least a few weeks till things settle down. Then maybe you can sit down and have a private talk with her. First ask her how she is doing and make sure she is on the right track to her and her childs safety. Then if things are ok tell her there is something you would like her to know, and explain to her your true feelings.

[Pat]

I'll take the opposite tack... your daughter isn't a child any more. She has a child of her own. She has a domestic situation. She's totally an adult. She can handle this. Make it very clear that she's welcome in your house, but say, "Now that you're grown, there's a conversation we should have." By all means let her situation stabilize before getting into it. Maybe foreshadow events by wearing clear nail polish or ambiguous clothing. And since your wife is supportive have her be part of the conversation too.

[MissTee]

First, I am so sorry to hear that your daughter has to face this. I come from a broken home where abuse was the norm, so I can tell you from the "other side" your strength as a father will be very instrumental in helping your daughter move forward -- and hopefully away from an abusive relationship. As for outing yourself to her, I feel that can wait. There is plenty of time to make that happen in the future and under circumstances you control.