Hey everyone!!!
I know I've been pretty inactive the past several months, I've just been very busy with living my life. I really miss being on here and I'm glad that I've been able to start posting again these past couple of days.
Anyways, I'm going to be 8 months on hormones tomorrow. And I've noticed a lot of changes occuring, and not just physical. Between actually living life now, and HRT, and probably being in a relationship too, I am starting to learn more about myself, and what makes me tick. What I like and what I don't like.
I am more aware of what makes me feel good and what makes me feel like crap.
I am overall more in touch with my emotions and am able to express them more.
I cry way more, especially since my doctor doubled my spiro two months ago.
I know that I need a regular sleep/wake cycle and regular 7-8 hours of sleep.
I know that I need structure in my life. This may be a consequence of being in a relationship more than anything else.
Regular cardio exercise is important to me too, although I now exercise normally and not excessively like I used to.
I'd rather feel than think too much. Too much thinking drains my energy, while feeling replenishes my energy. It used to be the other way around.
Before HRT, I used to be content going into a Bingo Hall, play Bingo, win something, and not so concerned if I socialize. Now, simply playing Bingo leaves me feeling really empty. I really crave socializing and actually connecting with people. I could care less if I play the game let along win it. People are more important to me now.
I used to struggle with JQuery intensely - I just couldn't do it. Now JQuery, along with front-end programming and user interface, seems to come second nature. I prefer front-end programming over back-end programming.
I need and prefer a balance between being home alone, and being out there socializing. I generally prefer socializing either one-on-one, or in small, intimate groups with close friends like at church, trans group, or AA.
I want to be seen by the whole world for who I am.
Others tell me that I appear way more relaxed and comfortable in my own skin than I used to be. Cody, who only ever knew me as a woman, but before I started on HRT, noticed that after a month on HRT that I seemed way more relaxed. This is about the same time that I came out at AA.
I am more aware of when being around certain people drains energy, and am learning to avoid them. I am more aware of when being around certain people replenishes my energy, and I am learning to hang around them.
I am learning to be more assertive than I used to be. I never was very assertive, and I have no desire to be aggressive or too assertive. But I am more assertive now than I used to be.
Before I started hormones, I just wasn't aware of what made me tick. I kinda just numbed out either by drinking, smoking, caffeine, over exercising, or thinking. Now I am much more in touch with my body and feelings and more aware of what makes me feel great and what doesn't. For the first time in my life, I am starting to feel again, I am finally feeling more connected to my body, after 34 years of being disconnected from my body. It is scary sometimes, but also freeing to know that I am human and not some robot; to actually be able to feel and understand my body better.
