"Louis Theroux: Transgender Kids" vs Me

[Sarah-RT]

Hey all, been a while since I've posted but I was on a mix of a dry spell as well as being comfortable dressing to not come looking for support

Last night on the BBC there was a documentary by Louis Theroux(great non biased journalist, lots of his documentaries are available on Netflix) on transgendered kids in San francisco. A great insight into the minds of younger people varying from 3 years old to 17, but it was however only about transitioning rather than the "variety of the gender spectrum"

As explained by the various psychologists he speaks with, most of the kids have dysphoria towards their birth gender and are using hormone blockers to hold off on puberty etc, it was great to see this kind of thing on main stream television.

The only concern I have after watching it though is I feel more confused about myself, in black and white Id class myself as a crossdresser/transvestite which to someone with less insight could describe as a lesser version of a transgendered person, I say this because with sexuality you are straight or gay, and possibly bi. With gender i feel it would be easier to not be the "bi" version but rather male or female or having transitioned if I felt that way as opposed to being caught in the middle indefinitely

I've spoken about before in those threads "when did you first dress" that pop up every now and again about the times I crossdressed throughout my childhood at various points for various reasons and then I watched the documentary and it's like "I don't feel as strongly about it as they do, am I just in a weird phase, am I doing this for silly reasons unbeknownst to me, like looking for attention?

And then the memories come back of the times doing it as a child, I fondly remember sleeping in a leotard and tutu when I was around 10 because I simply had to and felt so right doing it, and plenty other examples I could pull out, so no it's not a phase, and especially not since even after the short dry spell of lack of interest in physically dressing, I think about it constantly. And it's not for attention since I've always done it privately and been afraid to be found out.

Obviously I have some form of gender issue, there's no doubt about that, which only began as a clothing desire and has evolved to needing wigs and forms and wanting to wear makeup to look the part but at this moment in time when I think of myself in the future I picture myself as a man with a wife and kids but there also is the notion depending on my mood that if I looked like a girl it wouldn't be a life ending situation either. I say depending on my mood because at times, using that "black and white" description again I feel like I'm moving up and down the gender spectrum.

So after watching something I was looking forward to all week I'm now asking the question, what am I? 😞

[Persephone]

You're going to think my response is too superficial, perhaps even childish, but here goes -- You're a person. That's what I am and I'm comfortable with that.

If you investigate sexuality and gender you find that there really is no black and white. You characterized straight, gay, and maybe bi as an example but are those really all of the categories there are in that spectrum? If so, then why are there femme lesbians, butch lesbians, lipstick lesbians, etc... and why are there gay guys who... well, you get the idea.

There are heterosexual men who are sexually attracted to big busted women, men who only get turned on by tall willowy blondes, and even men who are sexually attracted to disabled women. And, of course, it is receprocal with women, otherwise nerds and bookworms would never get a chance to reproduce.

There are whips, and chains, and "Fifty Shades of Grey."

Sex and gender are probably the most complex and sophisticated human behaviors. You and I are part of that spectrum, links on the chain of gender and sexuality.

What seems to me to be important is to accept one's self. To live life to the fullest being yourself. Labels are for jars of pasta sauce.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Lorileah]

So after watching something I was looking forward to all week I'm now asking the question, what am I? ��

A good documentary makes you think and ask questions. It isn't a lecture that is given by a history teacher with rote answers afterward. You should not ask "what" you are though, you need to ask "who" you are, then either go with it or decide to change it. I have seen where the transgender "spectrum" has been made more a transgender hierarchy, or a ladder or progression. This is a path but it isn't a path that leads everyone to the same destination. Think more as the way light is diffused. Red on one end, violet on the other and every color in between. You don't have to be anything on either end, "Who" you are is important. Being happy with who you are is more important. Yes we joke about "having to progress" but maybe more like a bell curve, those who go from "green" in the middle to "Violet" are smaller and smaller numbers. Don't dwell on what you are or what someone would say you are, be happy with who you are.

[Nadine Spirit]

in black and white Id class myself as a crossdresser/transvestite which to someone with less insight could describe as a lesser version of a transgendered person,

So, it is a technicality, but by definition you are as much of a transgender person as someone who has transitioned. I know I keep harping on this with everyone, but transgender is the umbrella term that all forms of gender variance are classified underneath.

So to your point...

I get what you mean, in that it might appear easier, or at least more understandable to the outside world if you chose sides, male or female. But that is not always how gender works. For myself, I consider myself to be somewhere in the middle as well. On occasion I lean more to one side or the other. Most days I am a mix of both, and that is always how I present in my daily life, as a mix of both traditional masculine and feminine traits. To some outside observers it is odd, but to me, it is just me!

On a side note, in speaking to my bi-sexual male friend he relayed to me that on some bi-sexual chat boards there are frequent discussions of what % you are. For example, 25% homosexual & 75% heterosexual, or more like 50/50. I found it to be an interesting parallel to some of the discussions we have here. Oh and as well, oftentimes the bi-sexual people are often misunderstood and not well accepted by either the heterosexual community or the homosexual community. Interesting as well, at least to me.

[Jane G]

I've not seen the documentary. But I hope I can help with your questions. I have been a life long CD. since I can remember I have thought about being a girl/woman. I took hormones for a few months, in my thirties, I'm now in my mid 50's happily married and cross dress most days. I still dream about waking up as a woman, but I have a great life. Being a CD is a big part of my life, always has been, always will be. But there are other things, kids, work friends family, that mean I'm essentially still in the closet, after all these years and still very happy. Long and the short, it's part of your life, it's not your life. Enjoy! Hope that made some sense.

[Sarah-RT]

Persephone and Lorileah, they are really nice replies, Lorileah your signature from chief joseph really sums it up, I try to give that opinion to others but I find it so hard to apply things like that to myself.

Nadine I think you have it right with your reference to describing the situation to the outside world, some people dont like certain titles because of the connotations some of them can carry yet I dont want to assert myself into someone elses category if they feel we're unalike. Ive never heard of the % thing with bi people before, interesting I must say, I have heard however that they get terrible abuse from both sides. As you become more comfortable with the way you are you see less fault in the differences in others, especially when things are psychologically based and in that case I find it hard to believe that it wouldnt be possible to be bi.

[reb.femme]

Hi Sarah,

I feel much the same in that the programme was orientated toward those with dysphoria but I suppose that really was the subject matter ultimately.

However, my area of identify was covered with that of Crystal / Cole, insofar that I would dress as I feel on the day. I don't question myself though, I am what I am and that is seriously all I feel.

Rebecca

[Rachelakld]

Ahh, I so remember the leotard & tutu phase, just wished my family didn't see me wear it (I was 5 at the time), that was embarrassing.

I also am a man, with wife and 4 daughters, took them white water rafting during Easter weekend, currently re-painting my car.
Spent the evening with wife & kids in leggings, push up bra & pretty top, and I have more dresses than my wife.

I don't move up or down genders, but more likely "swap" genders for a time (2 personalities, time sharing the same body)

What am I? crazy, but in the "fun crazy" not the bad crazy, and I like it

[CONSUELO]

Sarah,
Lorileah's reply was good and helpful. It might help to think of not only a two-dimensional spectrum but also add in a dimension for time. I definitely found that my cross dressing needs and intensity changed over time and I have seen many on this site talk of the same phenomenon.

Trying to put ourselves in pigeon holes is very frustrating and almost impossible because we don't come in neat simple packages.

[pamela7]

Sarah, there's a series on cross dressers on sky tonight, 11pm

[reb.femme]

Sarah, there's a series on cross dressers on sky tonight, 11pm

Thanks Pamela,

Recording that at midnight tonight (Pick + 1 - Channel 153). Normally on Pick - Channel 152 at 23.00.
I'm hoping my wife will watch that for a different viewpoint. She certainly enjoyed the Transgender Kids last night.

Rebecca

[kimdl93]

One of the commonalities many of us share is early onset cross dressing. I don't know if that in itself is determinative of where we really are on the gender spectrum. I know in my case, I started very early, manifest some feminine behaviors according to my siblings, and for my entire life lived with a mix of denial and and fear. Denial that I 'was one of them' and fear that I 'was one of them'. I'd see stories about transitioning people, the first I recall was Renee Richards, and see something of myself in them.

When I began to accept myself as transgendered, I became more open to the possibility that I was something more towards the TS side of the spectrum. I've grown more comfortable with expressing my gender as female, but I lack the compelling need to transition. I can envision living full time, or something very close to full time, so, like many others, it seems I'm neither one nor the other, but somewhere in between. It's ok to be there.

[Alice_2014_B]

Ahh the BBC; I miss being stationed over there.
Thanks for sharing.

[jacques]

Hi,
I missed the program but there was something in the paper and the local television news tonight...
In my opinion we know at a very early age - I dressed (or tried to) before I was in my teens.
In the UK apparently one cannot get gender reassignment until the age of 18 - to reverse the changes that puberty has just imposed! if only there was an easier way!
luv J