So, I'm not a perfectionist(especially with spelling... lol... )... I can be somewhat lazy... and have a tendency to wing things...
That said, I do realize that there are things that one should not wing... Going out for the first time probably isn't one of them. I started dressing, or putting more effort into figuring myself out last august. Unfortunately I don't think i'm any closer to that as each step along the way tends to bring more questions forward from my skulking self conscious.
So I've been planning on going out for several months, actually I really think that was a goal that I've always had, but I hadn't set a time for it... too many doubts and uncertainties, but with the exception of little things like indecisiveness over the right dress with what accessories I find myself in a conundrum as to where to go.
thankfully I have a friend who has a gay friend that mentioned four different places in Chicago to go but due to work I'm unable to scope them out incognito as was my initial intent beforehand.
I only get a block of five days off a month with work... It could be split up but in the summer I have other hobbies too and enjoy doing them as well. Just thought I would explain it.
the thing is I'm not really a bar or club person, sure years ago I used to go clubbing and if drunk enough I could dance but that was 20 years and a different knee. well a younger knee.
SO my choices apparently are; a average looking gay bar... a dance club... a bar and grill... or another bar that does drag shows... the first bar might also have drag shows too.
A large part of me would much rather just go shopping... however I don't really feel like I have the confidence to do that. I constantly worry about what to wear... which accessories to choose from... boots or wedges...
So I'm hoping that by choosing one of the four places and going to it, I'll be more confident to do later excursions to things that I actively enjoy.
I just can't seem to make up my mind though. While I've never been to a drag show my sister enjoys them... But I am unsure if I'd actually enjoy that. Plus while I stated that I am not a perfectionist I worry about being seen as a drag queen because to me that is not my intent and a large part of me just wants to go out and be normal(what ever that is)
While I do drink occasionally the night in question I will be driving so that means no booze unless I'm staying for several hours and then it's just one drink. (I'm one of those people whose legal limit is half that of the other masses due to my job and since I love my job I'd rather not chance anything.) But I say that because I'm not sure if I can go to a bar and not drink especially with it being my first time out. jitters and all that.
I supposed that the bar and grill might be decent, I do enjoy eating... but the problem with that is my schedule for the day, it's a 300 mile drive to Chicago and I have a bday party to attend and leave early... My sister in law is putting in extensions and styling my hair since I can't seem to stand wearing a wig. But by the time I'm done with everything that I need to do that day dinner well I don't like to eat late at night unless I have to. (diet conscious) I suppose I could go and not eat but since I'll be with well family it'll feel weird,
So anyway, I just can't seem to narrow the where down... And am completely unsure as to what expectations to have... and more than a bit paranoid about something going horribly wrong escpecailly because I've had some weird and not exactly friendly happening occur in Chicago... like getting lost leaving Chinatown at night on foot and winding up in a not nice area... or being attacked by a show dog at a hyatt... or being extorted by a homeless guy for 60 dollars to get directions out of the ghetto to get to the hyatt.(pre gps)