I've been away from dressing for a while. The last time I went out dressed was for the gender bender party and that was in November. A lot of significant life experiences lately has taken the majority of my attention while dressing had been put on the back burner. Because of this, I've been going to a therapist to help me better accept myself (coming to the realization that I didn't accept myself much before) and she's been helping much. Earlier this week, my fiancé surprised me with a trip to SLC and a hotel room so that I could attend a Tri Ess meeting. While I was still pretty quiet during the meeting, I think I've realized that I want to do my part to normalize crossdressing. What I mean by that is that I want to do it more often and interact out in public to not only help me get more comfortable but maybe to help others realize that they don't have to hide. Maybe this could help someone who is struggling with acceptance, like I was years ago.
Anyway, my outing was great! I was a little nervous while getting ready because after I had packed all of my stuff to get ready with, I had forgotten the pallets of eyeshadow I was planning to use. At that point I had a moment where I didn't even want to leave. I thought my night was ruined but luckily, my fiancé gave me some advice on a dramatic eyeliner look that I now love! Without her, I don't know if I would have wanted to go. After I was about finished getting ready, my fiancé left to go to the mall as she was going to do some shopping while I was at my meeting so I was in the room by myself attempting to gather up the courage to go. Waiting up to the last minute, I took a deep breath and walked out the door and to the elevator. No one was immediately out in the hallway so I waited for the elevator. I heard the door chime and took another deep breath to look in to see if anyone was in there. It was empty. Thank goodness. As I rode to the lobby, I had only one stop. It was a group of 2 little girls, their mother and their grandmother. The little girls immediately looked at me and froze. Feeling awkward, I gestured for them to get on. The mother, not having looked up yet, ask her why she stopped and she looked up and said "Oh." Haha. Awkward. The grandmother was really nice though and tried to make pleasant conversation. After reaching the lobby, we had to take another elevator to the parking garage. This ride went much better. My trip to the meeting was uneventful. SLC is under a lot of construction so navigating can be frustrating but I made it there alright. After the meeting, we were going to meet up at the Dressbarn but I had to go to pick up my fiancé so she could help me pick out outfits. Apparently, the high school kids in the area were having their prom which made for a ton of traffic causing me to be late. It was a little nerve-wracking thinking that someone might see me for who I was but it was dark and the fear was all in my head. Once I made it to the store it was a blast. The store closed to the public and let the Tri Ess members shop and have fun trying on clothes. It was awesome! I had never shopped at Dressbarn but it had a nice selection of clothing. I managed to minimize the damage in how much I spent and had an uneven trip back to the hotel. What a wonderful experience!
The moral of the story... if you fear going out dressed up but have a desire to do it, the fear you feel about going out dressed is likely worse than what you will actually experience. It was truly a wonderful experience and anyone who is thinking about going out should definitely do it. Just be careful and find safer places to go as it still can be dangerous.
The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs. We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.
