Came out to my wife just now, no big deal yet!

[jamielynn_ca]

Scariest thing I've ever done, but I'm officially now in a DADT relationship. Yay (I think!)!

She said she didn't think it was really a big deal, and told me I could wear her underwear if I wanted even though I didn't ask. I told her I had my own <grin>. I told her I've newly accepted myself, spent some time exploring it to so I knew a little more about where I was on the trans spectrum before talking to her about it. That I don't *understand* it, so I didn't expect her to, but I could at least *describe* it and what I feel, not necessarily why.

I told her that I wanted to be open for a few important reasons:
1. I wanted to make sure she knew I wasn't cheating on her in case she found some women's clothes, and that I wanted to be 100% truthful in our relationship. Now that I understand this is a part of me and always will be, it was time to disclose.
2. I was beginning to consider taking unnecessary risks. I've had urges to go out here (no longer traveling to San Diego for work), and didn't want to be changing into a dress in the middle of a parking lot somewhere, so I wanted to be open for safety.

She asked her first set of questions, seems like the common ones. Are you gay? Is this about me? No and no it's not. And plenty others. No tears (either of us, I'm more surprised about ME not breaking down). No throwing things, it's something she can live with but doesn't want to participate in.

I left her an article from trans-health that really rang home and true for me, and let her know it wasn't 100% me but that much of it really rang true to me. I asked her if she'd like to read it, she said ok, and I asked her not to make assumptions but ask me questions. Talked about a support group I want to go to, some of the normal and super cool friends I've met out dressed, and she encouraged me to join the group.

And that was that! So far so good, and a big burden off my shoulders. Now I wait to see what's next...

[Lisa-N]

Not much else to say but good going getting it out and wishing you tons of luck in your journey

[csprings64]

Wow! I wish my experience with my wife went that smoothly. Good luck.

[alwayshave]

Jamielynn, good for you no longer hiding a part of your self from your wife. The only issue I see see is your wife offering to let you wear her underwear may mean she thinks its a fetish thing.

[Nadya]

Yay! Congratulations! It must feel good to get that off your chest.

[Jenniferathome]

Good on you JamieLynn. It's not over for sure but open and honest will win out. Invite her here if she wants to do any kind of a deep dive. If left to her own searches, she may fuse some really scary sites.

[Candee]

That's great Jamielynn! It is one of the scariest things we have to do, but oh my gosh what a relief it is especially when they reacted like it's not a big deal. Keep us posted on how things are progressing.

[kimdl93]

Sounds alike a mature and rational discussion. I would hope that you can continue to talk so that your relationship doesn't really revert to a DADT situation, now that the matter has been brought out into the open.

[Rachael Leigh]

Jamielynn sounds great, hope it all continues to go well.

[Amy R Lynn]

That is a huge step for you! Good for you for being honest! I would think that shows her how committed you are to being open and honest. Just be sure to give her space and let her come to you with questions. It doesn't sound like you are pressuring her into accepting this at all. I have a feeling that after some time she will come around and be more comfortable with it.

Getting into a support group is the best way to get out there and meet other CD's around you. The bar works, but is usually for the wrong reasons. Support groups will allow you to just talk openly about the issues that we all face, and give you tips on how to improve your look. It also helps a lot with not feeling so alone with all of this.

It really sounds like you have a great grip on this. Congrats! remember to take your time and don't go sky diving into the pink fog.

[Danitgirl1]

Congratulations. This is a very big and brave step you have taken.
With honesty, communication and the mutual will, this will not become a big deal in your relationship.
In fact it may strengthen your relationship.
Hope it all goes well in the future.

[Curiosity666]

Congratulations I can only hope that when I tell my SO that it goes as smoothly. I wish you all the best with your relationship from here on out

[Marcelle]

Hi Jamielynn,

Congrats on taking a step forward in your journey. Well, the cat is out of the bag now and it does seem while you are in a DADT relationship, your wife seems open to some discussion. The first step is always the hardest but I would warn about complacency of just letting it lie there now that you have had the reveal. I get that your wife my not want to talk anymore about it, but you would be wise to try and keep the dialogue open just to avoid confusion on both your parts. This is especially important if either of you have a bad day (nothing to do with CDing) but the other thinks it might be that. The other thing, don't make promises you know you can't keep. If your goal is to go out in public and your wife does not want you to, you need to be honest and let her know this is something you need to do because if you do it and she finds out . . . it will most likely not go well.

Take your time, find the boundaries both of you can live with and I am sure you will well on your way to living your life the way you need to and sharing it (on some level) with the support of your wife.

Hugs

Isha

[Krisi]

That doesn't really sound like DADT but maybe you've left something out. You might be able to bring her along to the point where she will accept you dressing around her once in a while. Just take it slowly. And make sure she knows how much you appreciate her acceptance.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Count your blessings. You don't know how blessed you are to have an understanding wife.

[Pat]

Congratulations! A burden shared is a burden lifted, or something like that. Keep in mind that you had a secret that you shared and now she has a secret that she might share with a friend. Don't be shocked if that happens. (I've seen many threads where people are.) I haven't lived in DADT but my observation is that it's best if you can keep it at the surface -- gentle joking, saying that some outfit you see is one you'd like to wear, ask if the lipstick color on the TV ad would work for you, etc. If she joins in, it's a better indication of acceptance than just saying so.

This is the situation where I wish we had good role models for couples where one crossdresses.

Good luck!

[DonnaP]

I guess Congrats are in order. I feel great for you and wish I had the nerve to it. Maybe you can show me how. but either way I hope all continues on the Beautiful path you have chosen.

[Ivy]

It is great that she is understanding. That must be a great weight lifted off your shoulders.

[Angie G]

Good for you Jamielynn. Just don't push for what next, Keep things nice and slow. You have a good jump on it now girl.
Angie

[Teresa]

Jamielynn,
That's the hardest part, well done ! You've told her how you'd liked to be about it, now let it sink, let her think about it and see what she offers you !
You don't mention if she's seen you dressed or how she feels about it ! I guess you'll have to take it steady and don't push too hard, also try and make as much sense of it yourself so you can offer some answers to her !

[Nadine Spirit]

Good for you Jamie. Congratulations on doing a super scary thing!

... I'm officially now in a DADT relationship.

Though it does not sound quite like the DADT relationships I have heard of. Normally when people reference that they mean that after coming out to their SO, the SO tells them they don't ever want to know anything about it and they don't ever want you to tell them about it again. Are we missing some part of your story?

To me, it sounds as though your wife now knows and you are waiting for either her or your next step. Is that the case?

[Beverley Sims]

Jamie,
Now play it down, don't push the issue and answer all questions truthfully and without embellishment.

Good luck.

[RADER]

Yes, GO SLOW!!!! and do not push the pink fog real hard.
I hope it all works out for you.
Rader

[MsVal]

Now I wait to see what's next...

What's next, or what ought to be next is exactly nothing...

This is an amazing time in your life and your relationship. Many would simply melt at the opportunity to be in such a great relationship. I urge you to avoid moving quickly. Instead, move forward at a very slow walk. Take the time to learn, to share, to explore together this part of you. A person can travel the highway and get somewhere quickly, but never see the beauty of the wildflowers along the way.

Best wishes
MsVal

[daviolin]

Sounds like you got off super good with your wife. My biggest words of advise is, don't push the envelop. Learn to read your wife's moods and feelings. Because sometimes it can back fire on you. So always keep your guard up. And be the loving husband she married. Daviolin