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Thread: Very insecure about my face (feedback needed)

  1. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by ilianar17 View Post
    .. There are many cases, rare but real, ...
    Well, do you see the contradiction in your own words? If you read the thread I pasted earlier, you can understand that "passing" is hard to define anyway, but what matters is you feeling confident in what you are doing. My comment to you is really about having the experience of going out with realistic expectations. Reality does not match our aspirations and that's ok.

    If you really want to know how hard this goal is, do a search on this site about the women who have transitioned or are living full time as woman and still find it hard to "pass" 100% of the time.

  2. #27
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    Your makeup is way too subtle, it's practically unnoticeable in your picture. In my personal opinion, light makeup never works for us girls. We really need all the help we can get. The trick is to not make it look like you have three layers of makeup on when you actually have.

    Fairly obvious male cues are your brows (as half of us already mentioned), your nose and your relatively thin lips, especially the upper lip. With some better makeup skills, you can emphasise and deemphasise certain features. Your eyes are nice and dark, so you definitely have a head start with those.

  3. #28
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Illinar,
    A little more shaping of the eyebrows is all that is needed.
    You have a nice unblemished face and only a little makeup would be necessary.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  4. #29
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    Thanks to all of you for the wonderful replies, I feel already more confident being the first time I ever get feedback for this. I don't have the guts yet to go to a makeup store and just sit there, but I think I know of someone who can help. I always hated my nose, crossdressing or not. Trust me, I really tried loving it but I can't. I've considered a nosejob probably a billion times but I'm very afraid to enter this whole process (announcing it, paying for it, what the actual results will be, etc.).

    Jennifer & Nadine, I really don't have anything to contradict then. You girls obviously know way more than me. I just feel ultra optimistic about it and I'm basing my views a lot on what others say. I know I shouldn't, but what do you expect from an 18 year old? For me, other people's opinion is still a big motive, not a drawback and certainly not a "feature" of my surroundings I shouldn't pay attention to. I won't succumb to those opinions though that's for sure.
    Curious that we spend more time congratulating people who have succeeded than encouraging people who have not.

  5. #30
    Aspiring Member TinaZ's Avatar
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    First, you are lovely and already have a nice androgynous look, so you're ahead of the game.

    But in my opinion, an easier way to describe this entire issue is "How to look woman-like" rather than, "How to look like a woman."

    We can pluck eyebrows and do all kinds of neat makeup tricks to appear woman-like, and sometimes to astounding effect! The other way (like a woman) usually involves facial surgery, which is not an option for most people.

    You're getting some great advice here about doing the work to appear more woman-like, owning that attitude and getting out there. Take that advice to heart, because it's absolutely right!
    Ms. Tina Zee - Your favorite gender nonconforming ukulelist and vocalist. Well, one of your favorites, I hope.

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  6. #31
    Member Nadya's Avatar
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    You look pretty good to me. I agree with others by saying if you want to look more feminine, try it with tricks with makeup. Blush and contouring can soften features. Thinning the eyebrows is something I need to do but it's a balance I need to strike as I often go out in drab and don't want them too feminine for that time. Good luck!

  7. #32
    Senior Member Sammy777's Avatar
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    Before needlessly worrying about the dreaded "Do I pass?" you have to realize there is more to it then just a simple yes or no.

    There are four basic levels of "Passing" you will fall into and experience from people in general.
    This is out in everyday life, NOT in TG/CD friendly Clubs, support groups and the like.

    1) You. Are. A. Girl. Period. [Also known as "going stealth" to TSs]
    These are usually TS girls who transitioned as teenagers and the lucky "older" lol, ones like Andreja Pejic who looked like girls even before transitioning.

    2) Hooray! You Pass, pretty much. Just don't be surprised if you're still noticed, or "clocked"
    95% of the time you are seen, greeted, and treated as a girl.
    Some may take a second longer look but most will just dismiss it.
    The ones that can tell will usually not say anything, except for that one person that will start a convo with something like "Hi, you look great, now I'm going to tell you how I "figured it out" .... lol.

    3) Acceptance [This is most times, but is hard [almost impossible] to differentiate from #2 above]
    Again 95% of the time you are seen, greeted, and treated as a girl.
    You pass, at distance. Pretty much pass up close and personal.
    These people know you are not a girl, but realize [and appreciate] that you're doing a pretty damn good job of it.
    They take you gender at face value. Meaning if you look like a girl = you get treated like one.

    4) Tolerance [This one tends to get confused with #3 and sometimes even #2]
    Wow you look really good! For a guy in a dress that is.
    Basically = You are not passing to these people, at all. But, you are doing your best to look the part.
    At this level, you are still "mostly" treated like a girl, but don't be surprised if a few male pronouns pop out.
    These people most likely do NOT like or want to understand you but also don't want to out themselves as A-Holes by calling you out. They will Miss and Maam you ... to your face at least.


    I think your personal looks have been covered well enough, brows, nose contouring, light make-up, ect.
    You said you didn't like your nose, well, not every girl has a pencil thin cute little button nose.
    Warning: This post may contain up to 63% post consumer recycled Sarcasm ... or Peanuts."
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  8. #33
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    To the OP, enjoy your youth! I think you are very attractive! I can't make a comment about the degree of passing though, not from a picture. I'd have to see you in real life, at all angles and life-sized.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Nadine Spirit View Post
    ...They don't look at me, and say, oh well I won't treat you like a woman, because I know you are just a dude in a dress. 99.999% of people I have ever interacted with have treated me with dignity and respect.
    I'll second that!
    When my SO and I go out together, people treat us with respect too. By this I mean that they don't make any reference to the fact that they know my SO is a genetic male. They make no comments about it and it is business as usual just as it would be if my SO were in guy mode.

    But you also mention "treat you like a woman". Other than an occasional "ma'am", "miss", or "what would you ladies want" from a SA or waitress (I always took it they were humoring us), what does "treat you like a woman" mean? How are they treating you different in girl-mode than in guy-mode?

    I ask, because I have not experienced presenting in any other mode than what I am. Are guys treated differently? When I'm at Starbucks, for example, from my perspective the guy standing in line ahead of me doesn't get treated any differently than I do. Hence my question.

    To anyone who cares to respond, thanks in advance for the explanation.
    Last edited by ReineD; 04-18-2015 at 09:01 AM.
    Reine

  9. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by karenpayneoregon View Post
    . ...In regards to makeup, if you felt comfortable, go to someplace like Macy's and have one of the sales person help you out with what would work for you rather than simply experimenting as they are professionals and usually know what they are doing as they want repeat business so it's in their best interest to help you. The main thing is getting will to go out and do this as this is not easy if you have never done this before...
    Getting help from those who do makeup for a living is well worth it. The last time that I was in Boise, last September, I went to the Macy's makeup counters in drab. I picked out one of the SAs who obviously knew what she was doing. She found me a new foundation that works really well and taught me how to use it. Well worth the extra money I paid her. Yes...using my face, with her mirror, with the correct makeup brushes, me in drab. But the best part was watching the reaction of the other customers and the occasional husband. Remember that this is Boise, a city that, except for one small neighborhood on its north side, makes most of the Southern US look pretty liberal. That was worth the price of the makeup alone.
    Last edited by abby054; 04-18-2015 at 09:03 AM.

  10. #35
    Out for a walk EricaCD's Avatar
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    Hi! I almost never post here anymore (hello friends from years ago!), and honestly don't know why I felt like I should comment here. But what the heck... be warned, I am candid.

    Good news: the basics are all good. Also I would not worry about your nose. It's prominent but not prominently male. Leave it alone. Light touch on the makeup is definitely right for you.

    Brows have already been discussed so I won't add anything.

    You've got a great chin and jawline, but you also have very long cheeks. I'd suggest a very slightly emphasized blush across the face from ear to about an inch from the nose, slightly below the top of your cheekbone. You won't need much but what you want is a bit of horizontal color to break up that long vertical line between the eyes and the lips.

    Lips will be tricky. The lower is lovely but the upper is really thin. I'd suggest using a matching lipliner pencil and drawing it JUST SLIGHTLY outside the natural line of your lip. You've got to be careful because you can easily get into drag territory here. This is a place where even a couple millimeters added depth will get you enough extra fullness. I'd also suggest going with a slightly more robust lipstick than might otherwise be right for a given occasion. You'll look a little pouty but that's ok.

    You need a different wig; that one does not suit you in the slightest. Until you get a different one, bring the hair on the left side of your head (right side of the photograph) down a little bit until it's slightly covering your left eye. The sharp cut of the hair over to the side looks like a man's parted hair.

    Good luck!
    Last edited by EricaCD; 04-19-2015 at 07:19 AM.
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  11. #36
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    You have a lot of potential. I think with. The right technique you could totally pass. There are some videos on you tube about contouring. Try that. It would do the trick.

  12. #37
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    I think you have a good girl look going. Practice with the makeup and I think you look could be a great look.
    Angie

  13. #38
    happy and complete kkaye's Avatar
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    You are very fortunate. With a face like yours. You can go natural unless your just want to get a certain look. I got the kind of face that required professional advice. I had to find a face, I liked and make it perfect with a lot of practice. Always take pictures. It will help you improve.

  14. #39
    Happy! Karolyn's Avatar
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    You look naturally beautiful. You have that very natural feminine look. In my opinion, there is only one thing to improve, the eyebrows.

    Do not hesitate to get eyebrow waxing at a nail salon. It is cheap, not very painful, and fast. The results are incredible. And surprisingly, absolutely nobody will notice when in guy mode. Do not go crazy the first time, just thin them a bit at a time (like 25 percents). To get a feminine look, I did 3 visits at the salon, each 4 weeks apart.

    The other advice is to use a bit of blush. It gives that instant feminine look, but be careful, just a little bit. Too much, and it will look bad. Also, under the round part of the cheek, in a straight line towards the ears, and not on that round part directly (it is more vintage looking).

    Good luck, you are on a very good path.

  15. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    To ...what does "treat you like a woman" mean? How are they treating you different in girl-mode than in guy-mode?...

    To anyone who cares to respond, thanks in advance for the explanation.
    hi Reine, I'm with you. The only other difference I can say exists other than "Miss" or "Ma'am." Is having doors opened for you or chairs pulled out from the table. Not much of a difference

  16. #41
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
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    I'm with the others here who believe you have less to worry about than you think. My nose is my biggest complaint, but there are makeup techniques that can help a little with that, but the big thing is using your makeup to attract attention to other features. Emphasize your eyes and cheeks and lips and your nose begins to fade in importance. Erika's advice is solid. I believe a different wig or hair style would help frame your face in a very positive way. It's hard to tell from the photo you use, but it looks like you have a thinner frame and that helps. We all know if you manage to show a bit of figure, people look at your face later, so once you begin to consider the entire package, the nose becomes just a very minor aspect.

    Keep working at it and remember the more you practice the better you get and the more comfortable you become with who you see in the mirror.
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  17. #42
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Make up takes lots of practice so keep at it.
    One thing I will stress take care of your wigs and they will look good for a long time.
    In your pic the wig is a mess and needs a good combing out.
    I'm not trying to be mean just honest in hopes it will help you in some way.
    A nice well kept wig and wearing it properly is 75% of your presentation IMO.
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  18. #43
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    You have absolutely nothing to worry about re. your facial features - nothing would give you away easily at all. Including your nose. Perhaps a better wig would be good however. Just go out and own it as soon as you feel ready.

  19. #44
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    Hi Hun. I agree with everyone here - you are young and gorgeous! Makeup and our faces are the hardest part to deal with, and your body is clearly this and sexy. But YouTube really is a wealth of information. Drag queens know everything and whilst they do wear a thick layer of cake you will learn everything you need to know about make up - like choosing the right foundation. That is the first mistake we girls make, choosing a foundation that is too light or too dark! Contouring! Covering your beard, shaving. There is a guy called Wyatt Smith, look for his Ken make-up tutorial, it is a master class is skin tone. Wayne Goss has tutorials for men wearing makeup, not drag or crossdressing, but you will learn a lot about creating a natural male skin tone. And most importantly have fun grll. You are young and setting out on a great and complicated journey, enjoy it!!

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