4,910 active members, I would love all of your perspectives on this subject

[Melissa_59]

If I lived in a world where people didn't judge you based on your clothing, I'd never wear men's clothing again.

After considering this question for a while, I'm not 100% positive that this would make me completely happy. Sure, it would be better, as in "better than having people violently confront me (it has only happened twice and both times were enough to put me off going out in public - oddly, both times were women confronting me) but I don't know if I'd be completely happy.

At this point I don't know if it's because I think that if I was fully female, then dressing how I want wouldn't make waves (and that perhaps drives my dreams to be female) or if it's because I really honestly do believe I was born in the wrong body.

I'm so far along in life though that I'm not making any surgical changes. Being "full time" will remain a fantasy of mine, simply because it would be upsetting to too many people who know me. It's amusing that my youngest daughter (who is 29) also has this "don't rock the boat" mentality. I really wish she'd leave the guy she's with, but that's a different subject.

I think being able to wear what I want, when I want, and live without having to resort to martial arts to defend myself would be great. But then again if you go to the wrong place in the world right now, you can be violently confronted for any number of reasons. I guess what I'm saying is this is risk management, that right now this is something I have some sort of control over, vice just "being in the wrong place at the wrong time during a shoot out" or "wearing a US flag in the Middle East" or something.

Not sure what I mean to say. I guess I'm as mixed up as the next person. Did I answer any questions at all?

Probably not.

~Melissa

[Taylor Ray]

Now I realize its about trying to make my brain accept who I am.

Well said! For me, the process of coming to terms with my 'brain' (or 'authentic self') involved asking questions like this for many years. It can be a confusing journey with many twists and turns! The more I came to know my authentic self, the easier it was to cope and 'keep it at a level'.

Over the last 5 years I have begun to understand that for me, I prefer to identify as 'gender-queer' as opposed to 'transgender', owing primarily to the fact that I am not at conflict with my biological body. Also, I enjoy being in the 'female-role' sexually with other men.

So I am not sure I am a 'regular cross dresser', as most under this label report being strictly heterosexual.

[Stephanie47]

I started dressing in the same manner as you. As a teenager there was some sexual aspect to it. With some hindsight I now consider the sexual play no more and no less than any hormone raging teenage boy having a good time with Five Finger Rosy. It was purely sexual enhancement. However, it did produce a lot of sexual angst. The 1960's were not a favorable time for any sexual minorities. I figured if I was dressing in my mother's clothing, I must have been a homosexual because that's what society threw out there back then. Yes, it created some degree of sexual identity issues.

I came to realize I was not a homosexual. I was all male except for the dressing. It took a while to accept that aspect of me, although I still do not know what drove me to be a cross dresser. Today, it is a part of me that feel very comfortable emerging whenever Stephanie wants to come out to play. I use to say wearing women's clothing was purely for stress relief. As a retiree my stress is down considerably. Yes, I still have some issues related to military service. However for the most part it seems Stephanie just wants to appear some times; not all the time. Even when I have a full day to be en femme, she may not assert herself. When she does you'll find her fully en femme (no blending of male and female clothing) doing domestic chores (laundry, ironing, changing the linens, vacuuming, baking, etc) or just reading a book.

When my wife and I were watching the latest NBC news programs concerning transgender boys and girls, my wife stated she firmly believes those kids were of the other sex in a past life. I'm not one to fully accept that belief, but, it may explain why a full blooded boy and man likes to wear women's clothing. Maybe that should be the subject of another thread.

[jeank]

So if I address the original question -

For those of you who are just consider yourself a regular crossdresser, I would love to know how you cope and keep it at a level that you can handle.

I guess I'm just a "regular crossdresser" - i.e I enjoy dressing, but it is very much a part of being me - a heterosexual male. I am closeted (including to my SO) and intend to stay that way. I have no desire whatsoever to transition or be full time. I think I'd like to go out and socialise at some point but it is not a pressing need.

This means that my dressing time is limited to periods when my wife is away. Like now actually (yes I am dressed as I write). So probably 3 or 4 times a year for periods up to a week.

Is this ideal?

No. I'd like to be able to dress when the fancy takes me, but reality gets in the way.

Is it a big problem?

Not really - the times I get to dress I go 24/7 for 2 or 3 days and then I find I've scratched the itch and can function again. The issue I struggle with is that I go pretty anyway when the chance presents itself, regardless of whether I really feel like it at the time. I do find that even if I am not really in the mood, as soon as the breast forms get glued on, then it just feels....... well so relaxing.

So I suppose the answer is that I cope with it by knowing that I will get some dressing time at some point not too distant, and my wife's travel plans manage it - I don't have to