Random thought that tic'ed me off

[Lexi Moralas]

Tics me off when people
Find out that one of us is a crossdresser and automatically assume that it defines who we are. And for some I know it dose but for a lot of us crossdressing is just a part of who we are. And a lot of times when some one finds out we are a cross dresser all of the sudden that's all we are. And everything we have been and everything we have done before they " found out , some how no longer matters. We are a cross dresser and nothing more. We couldn't possible be the good boyfriends , husbands , fathers , brothers , sons ect.that we though we were the day before they found out. AND also sometimes enjoy dressing as a woman. Funny when all the coveted items we are " not allowed to be interested in "high heels , make up , wigs and fashion were all originally intended for men.
I mean it's like I was a kid I pretended to be a cowboy , I knew I wasn't really a cowboy I didn't want to transition into A cowboy. But sometimes it was just fun to dress up and pretend. That's what cross dressing is for me. A fun time of make believe. ( although in this instance batgirl might have made a better analogy lol)
Anyway kind of a point les rant but the thought made me mad and it felt good to get it off my chest , thanks girls

[Sarah-RT]

I thankfully havent been in that situation but I understand what you mean, i may like to dress as the opposite sex but to a blind person id still be me, my character and personality would remain the same

[Dana44]

Lexi, that is a great point. I do think that some ... do think we are good. They are most likely shocked. For why I do not know. Women crossdresss virtually every day and never ask what we thought of them or why it may have bothered us. I said before in a forum that in fact with many men that I have talked to was that if she doesn't get in heels soon a divorce may be coming. Men want a woman that looks like one. Now the rolls seemed switched. It's funny that we set the fashion every time we go out wearing skirts while every woman out there has pants on. When a woman come into a store in a nice skirt and heels. All of the men look at her with admiration. So women crossdress as men - no problem. Men crossdress as women - problem? Yeah I agree... they pine on it for sure.
I must say that my SO wears a dress or miniskirt when we go out. I have told her that I truly appreciated that.

[CONSUELO]

Somehow our society feels most comfortable with labels and pigeon holes. Is it because we are too lazy to look for the complexity in people. I would say that all cross dressers are different in that they have very different personalities and interests besides an interest in cross dressing. If you read the replies to the various threads on this site it becomes obvious that there is a wide spectrum of cross dressers also, with different interests in clothing, in socializing etc. etc.

[CynthiaD]

I agree, completely. That's one reason I never formally "come out" to anyone. I just show up in a dress with the attitude, "yeah, this is what I'm wearing today. So what?" I think that issuing a formal confession invites others to think the wrong things: crossdressing defines us, it's all we are. It also invites people to make a choice about what kind of people we are. We're asking to be accepted, even if we are warped. We're apologizing for who we are.

By just showing up, you're implying that this is no big deal and you expect to be treated as if it's no big deal. There are, of course, exceptions. The two most notable of these are coming out to your spouse, and coming out at work. With your spouse, you've got to sit down and have the talk. At work you need to clear things with your boss and with HR, if your workplace has such a thing. But in other cases I thing just showing up sends a better message than confessing.

[Sandra]

Not all SO's as the OP stated in the opening post, think that the dressing defines who you are, most do understand that it is a part of who you are so please don't go lumping us all into one basket.

Women crossdresss virtually every day and never ask what we thought of them or why it may have bothered us.

Oh so now women are to get permission on how they dress now. Women wearing a pair or trousers, shirt and jacket are not crossdressing do you know why? it's because the clothes they are wearing are made for women so they are not crossdressing.

It's funny that we set the fashion every time we go out wearing skirts while every woman out there has pants on.

Really don't flatter yourself so much, fashion is certainly not set by cder's going out in a skirt.

[Sarah-RT]

they have very different personalities and interests besides an interest in cross dressing.

for those who are TG, if cross dressing didnt exist, or was completely acceptable or an onlooker was blind, as ive said above, we would still be ourselves, same interests, morals, beliefs etc. its just the silly notion of wearing womens clothes freaks people out all of a sudden

[Pat]

Women crossdresss virtually every day and never ask what we thought of them or why it may have bothered us.

Are we ever going to get tired of that argument? I'm not picking on you personally but this tired old chestnut gets tossed in every time the subject comes up and it just doesn't have any legs. The day when women dressing in "mens" clothes was scandalous was long, long ago. They fought their fight -- it was a hard one and they prevailed. Congrats to women everywhere on being freed from the oppressive fashion expectations of their time (I believe it started in the 1800's and continued into the late 1960's. I wasn't there for all of it... ) As has been pointed out, women in pants these days are wearing women's pants. Also as pointed out in many a thread here guys who crossdress wear WOMEN'S jeans. So we've already ceded the fashion high ground on that point. So we have to fight OUR hard fight. And we have to deal with our problems and not complain about nor diminish the victories of others.

I think I'd better eat a Snickers... sorry for the rant.

[Dana44]

Ah, it looks like I struck a nerve LOL. Really do you think that it was a hard fight that women fought. Like I said, Males want a woman, not a person that goes out with them looking like them. There has to be a difference that he or those who view notice. Of course a lot of men, actual men are starting to wear skirts, kilts and such as men. Do you know that heels, makeup and wig's and things were all for males in the past. And no I'm not trying to put down women. I adore females and what beauty they have. I know that many females wear dresses and skirts. yet when you go out to a movie or restaurant, you see only people male and female in pants with mostly tennis shoes. Of course the female is generally prettier than the male so you can see the gender difference mostly, sometimes you wonder. I remember a time when our parents took us out, we dressed up. What has happened to society in general? Do you think that that fight that women overcame has made society better that they are truly emulating a man even if those clothes are made for women.

[Momarie]

[QUOTE=Dana44;3734025] Like I said, Males want a woman, not a person that goes out with them looking like them.

Unbelievable!

The irony and misogyny behind this statement is...priceless.

[docrobbysherry]

Meanwhile? Getting back to the OP.

Lexi, I'm sure you've read enuff posts here to realize many of us become pretty obsessed about/with our dressing? And, I'm NOT referring to the TS's. I'm pretty caught up in it and I'm just a closet dresser at heart!

I do chat with vanillas occasionally when I'm out, Lexi. In Vegas, in particular.

After reading your OP, I can just imagine sitting down at a bar next to some vanillas and one of them says to me, "Hey, what do think of the ISIS thing in the Middle East?" Or, "U a Phillies fan by any chance?" Or, "Say, do u follow the Market?"

But, no. It's always about the way I'm/we r dressed! I can't imagine why---?

[JocelynJames]

Thanks so much for hitting the nail square on the head!

[Teresa]

Lexi,
People have some strange misconceptions, my sister-in-law thought I needed to get out of the house more, I pointed out that it was in my head and not in the house, the thoughts go with me !

[Tracii G]

I have no idea why this subject keeps getting brought up.
Wear what you want and don't complain.

[Tina_gm]

Most minorities get hit with this. Hell, even drummers seem to get a weird rap when it comes to rock groups. Not all of them are the messed up weird ones. A few notable ones have been and bam! Now everyone thinks of the drummer as some oddball whose emotionally off the rails.

CDing is the most obvious visually, and what is strangest is that many of us are otherwise the most decent respectful and caring people. It also does not help that the media and Hollywood portrays us all as 24/7 over sexual and will do anything that has or had a heartbeat. We are almost always in or wanting to be in transition. We are often typically villains and psychos. At best we are comedic sidekicks. Not a wonder we get this type of treatment.

[flatlander_48]

LM:

What you state is a blind spot in people that reflects their lack of knowledge. It is exactly the same for lesbians, gays and bisexuals. The assumption is that this single facet that makes you different dominates evey other facet of ones life. It suggests that everything you do in your life, every thought that you have and every emotion that you have all comes from one source. The thing is, if you thought about it, logic would tell you that it's B/S. But, the people that would tell you this are NOT using logic and that makes it difficult to refute. They just "know".

[rosetyler]

Men want a woman that looks like one.

SOME men. Not ALL men. Let's leave the stereotyping at the door. Thx.

we set the fashion every time we go out wearing skirts while every woman out there has pants on

Hahahaha, NO. You really don't.

When a woman come into a store in a nice skirt and heels. All of the men look at her

No, not all do. Many don't care.

with admiration.

You're making stuff up. I'm sure some guys do look with admiration. I'm sure some look and wonder why she's all dressed up just to go to the store.

I just show up in a dress with the attitude, "yeah, this is what I'm wearing today. So what?" I think that issuing a formal confession invites others to think the wrong things: crossdressing defines us, it's all we are. It also invites people to make a choice about what kind of people we are. We're asking to be accepted, even if we are warped. We're apologizing for who we are.

I like the points you make Cynthia.

Really do you think that it was a hard fight that women fought.

Yeah, I do. As has been pointed out already, cis women already fought about wearing pants and stuff.

ike I said, Males want a woman, not a person that goes out with them looking like them.

And like I mentioned earlier, you're stereotyping again. Not all men think that way.

[Tina_gm]

Ugh, I hear you rosetyler, I am all but speechless of someone in a very unique situation yet being so insanely stereo typical. I also get do very tired of the notion that women because they wear pants and a shirt are cding. So, a kilt is then also cding.... should we follow this train of thoughts. Or that heels were first worn by men, so then by wearing them, technically women are cding by wearing heels.... or capris, because once there was a men's style called knickers. Yeah, styles change. But women wearing pants and all, come on peeps, we are waaayyyy better than this.

[Alice Torn]

Yes, it is a bad part of human nature, to brand others they think are weird, odd, or different, or sinful. I came out to several in the church, i was in, and they are good folks, but, really looked down on me for it, said i need to stop it, and overcome the sin.

[ReineD]

Women crossdresss virtually every day and never ask what we thought of them or why it may have bothered us. ... Men want a woman that looks like one.

You realize that you are among a (tiny) minority of people who believe this. Stand on a busy street corner and take a poll from the passersby. They'll think you are crazy for even suggesting that women who wear pants are crossdressers. As to men wanting women that look like women, I agree. No man wants a woman who looks like an alien or a chair. Or a lamp. lol. Of course men want partners who look human! The thing is, women look like women no matter what they wear.

Just because you have a thing for skirts doesn't mean everyone else does. If they did, don't you think they'd wear them? Skirts are a thing of the past when it comes to modern style or convenience. A huge chunk, if not the majority, of women wear pants to school, to work, at home, and to do errands now. Please, do catch up.

To the OP, the same is true for anything that is outside the norms. People are branded all the time for the things they do that stand out, not just the crossdressing. For example, a person who has recovered from alcoholism will always be thought of as "the alcoholic", no matter how wonderful they are as wives, husbands, parents, employees. Same with people who are chronically late. They'll be branded as "the person who is always late", no matter what wonderful contributions they've made to other people's lives. And there are hundreds of other examples. I agree, it's annoying.

[Victoria Demeanor]

hey Lexi,
I hear what you are saying and by all means rant and get it off your chest. we are all hear to listen and add our opinion and that's why this place works so well.
Oh and yes I think the Batgirl analogy would have worked mu ch better. There are judgmental people in this world this world, there always has been there always will be. they live in there small little lives and worried about what others are doing. to me they don't matter and I think the overall world is changing and I believe for the better. I remember a time when interracial marriage was illegal. when I first entered the military Gays were not allowed, a man dressing as a woman, well that was just unheard of. I am fortunate at my present job to see and deal with the youth of our society. I see kids that I'm not sure what their gender is, we just smile and greet them like everyone else. The other day I saw a young white girl loving holding hands with a young black girl. a tear of joy rolled down my check. Things are not perfect now, but I do think we as a civilization are getting better.
but that is just my thoughts....

[Lexi Moralas]

Holy moly ! , I was just letting off some steam , seems it took on a life of its own lol. Thanks for listening girls !

[Lorileah]

Really do you think that it was a hard fight that women fought.

You really want to keep hitting nerves do you? It is said those that don't learn from history...are probably CDers. Do you think one morning all the women of the world said...I'm going to wear what I like? No, go back and read how things evolved...and it WAS a fight.

Like I said, Males want a woman, not a person that goes out with them looking like them. There has to be a difference that he or those who view notice.

Oh yeah? What world do you live on? I don't give two rat's rears what my wife/GF/SO wears. Never did. Why? Because I love HER not the way she looks. OMG people are you really that shallow? No wonder you catch so much from your SO's

Do you know that heels, makeup and wig's and things were all for males in the past.

so you did listen to history. At least what you wanted to hear

I know that many females wear dresses and skirts. yet when you go out to a movie or restaurant, you see only people male and female in pants with mostly tennis shoes.

So your point is? That you have to wear dresses, skirts, heels to be pretty? or that you are an observer of what people wear in public.

Of course the female is generally prettier than the male so you can see the gender difference mostly, sometimes you wonder. I remember a time when our parents took us out, we dressed up. What has happened to society in general? Do you think that that fight that women overcame has made society better that they are truly emulating a man even if those clothes are made for women.

I got tired of addressing each poorly thought out misogynistic point so let me just say this. what? Females prettier....societal opinion. See a gender difference- you can't tell? Really? Parents getting us dressed up...slacks are dressed up. "the fight women overcame" just contradicted your first line. Has it made it better? It sure as heck has not made it worse. And finally for the last time but I doubt you will get the point....they are not emulating men Your ethnocentric ideals died a long time ago.

I get so tired of the CD's here whining about what you can and cannot wear. Macho guys don't have the gumption to actually wear what they want. Instead they complain about how their lives are so bad because they don't get to play on the same swings as women. Really guys yes I said GUYS because you aren't girls,women or ladies no matter how much you want to pretend when you keep harping on red herrings.

Why is that every time a discussion like this comes up some of you take it to the "She can why can't I?" argument? I am dismissing this case with prejudice. Prosecution has failed to prove their case, lack of evidence.

[Shayna]

I mean it's like I was a kid I pretended to be a cowboy , I knew I wasn't really a cowboy I didn't want to transition into A cowboy.

Well, I wanted to transition to being a cowboy

[ReineD]

Do you know that heels, makeup and wig's and things were all for males in the past.

I missed this one.

You need to understand that masculine vs. feminine styles are always relative to one other during any particular era. Our clothing styles constantly evolve through cultures and eras, and at any point in time, the masculine style (no matter how elaborate) will always be more masculine than the feminine style of the same period.

So if you're thinking of the heels, makeup, and wig that Louis XVI and the nobility of his era wore:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louis_X..._of_France.jpg

You need to compare this to the clothing that his wife, Marie-Antoinette, and her peers wore:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marie_A...nette_1767.jpg

If Louis had wanted to be feminine, he would have put on Marie-Antoinette's dress.