What if you do when you're in a women's restroom and a real woman asks you if you are a man ?
What if you do when you're in a women's restroom and a real woman asks you if you are a man ?
This has never happened to me. Of course, I take care of my business and leave, no loitering. It strikes me as a very bold question to ask. What I mean is, it is like asking a woman if she is pregnant. You had better be right or embarrassment ensues. The easiest answer, if that question were to ever be asked is, "Not any more." I promise that will shut down any questioner.
I agree with Jennifer's suggestion "not any more"! This has never happened to me. But I did get quite a few positive comments on my long hair!
I've never been asked that, but have had some positive conversations; which carried over after we walked out of the restroom.
Dana Ryan
^perfect!Originally Posted by Jenniferathome
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Jen,
I love your answer....hugs
PaulaQ injects reality into this thread. Challenging someone or worse, being a smart ass is a good way to get the police or worse, a big burly husband called on you. "Not any more" only works if you look like a woman and are actually transitioning. Even then it could lead to trouble depending on the area and the situation. And you had better say it in a feminine sounding voice.
In clubs on Friday night, there's no problem at all in the ladies bathroom. In fact, it's a great place to yak with the local girls. At a mainstream restaurant, I'm in and out quickly, mouth kept shut, and busy bathrooms avoided.
Lynn Marie
Click here to see me on Flickr
What a surprisingly personal question! My immediate response would be to reply, "No. Are you?"
"We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are." Anais Nin
I've had smiles, even the occasional "hello" "Hi", but really............... if they had to ask, I would recommend they see an optician.
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz
Frankly, I see no situation that would prompt such a question. It would be terribly embarrassing to the questioner if she insulted a GG by asking such a question. Many women would take great offense and I think that I would do the same.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
I've never been asked that and don't know what I'd say if I were asked right of..."Sort of?". I have had a lot of women compliment me in the bathroom which I find a bit odd but whatever I suppose. I had the most interesting comment so far last weekend actually. I was told by a girl when I was leaving the bathroom that I have a really nice walk. I guess I'm doing it right...
You're a Daisy if you do! -Doc Holliday
Hi Daniela,
I agree with the others and can say from experience that it has never happened to me. I think it comes down to the fact that even if you look overtly male, the concept of being TS/TG is quite known to many and most women may believe your somewhere along the transition path. So if the question is raised . . . Jennifer's response is perfect to remove any doubt. So long as you go in, do your thing, wash your hands and leave, you should have little trouble.
Hugs
Isha
Your best bet is to leave the restroom. Its neat that y'all have never been harassed in a public restroom, but this does actually happen fairly often. Passing privilege avoids it, but not everyone has it. And if you don't believe that a mother with a young daughter with her in a restroom can react with great hostility if she perceives someone to be male in the women's restroom, then you are kidding yourselves.
http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.ed...mss-june-2013/
In the survey above, 70% of the trans respondents were harassed in a public restroom.
BTW, if you still think this is a trivial matter, many states are trying to pass legislation to criminalize trans access to public restrooms. Texas, where I live is one of them. If the law here passes, we could be fined up tto $2000 and spend a year in jail for using the women's room. Practically speaking, they'd never get me, as a cop who for some reason questioned me in a restroom would likely look no further than my ID, which says F. For a CD, though, y'all could be arrested. A number of trans people are lobbying to kill these horrible laws around the US.
@Isha - 7% of the US population knows someone who is openly trans. We are not understood or trusted by many. Good luck with relying on the kindness of strangers!
All of this stuff is highly location dependent. In Dallas, gender identity & expression are protected, and you have a right to use gender appropriate facilities that match your expression. In small towns outside of a metropolitan area - good luck with that!
Last edited by PaulaQ; 04-21-2015 at 04:04 AM.
I'd say: "Are you?" Usually they just want to borrow "something" if you know what I mean.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
I am with Paula as this is a very dangerous thing. The best thing to do in a situation like this to me is clam up, give them a look like "you are asking me what?", and hightail it out of there. There are no good jokes or confrontational things to say and your voice may make it worse (depending on the person). You hesitate and you are there with the person, then a security guard or manager, then whatever people like to play flash mob and join in. The bathroom isn't the place to win this battle. The courtrooms and congress is. Be safe ladies.
Jennifer,
For me that is the perfect answer. I have been in transition for just shy of two years. Never happened, and being task oriented, don't leave a lot of unused time in the facility.
Bobbi
Hi Paula,
I don't think anyone is arguing the fact that someone could call you on it in the bathroom. However, most here are just saying it has not happened to them but your point is valid. Definitely a woman may/could approach someone who looks mannish and say "Hey are you really a woman?" but I truly believe this would be the exception and not the rule but yes, it could happen. So the question is what do you do then? Your options are limited . . . You could as you suggest, just leave or you could just say yes . . . with the exception of holding you down to verify your private parts . . . it can never be proven or disproven (not mention this would constituted assault). You are indeed correct that a person has to exercise due diligence in understanding what the law states. If you are protected by gender identity laws in place then you are doing nothing wrong and even if the police are called nothing can be done as you are not breaking the law. However, if you are not sure what the laws are or know you are not protected . . . then exercising caution by using a unisex bathroom or leaving if challenged is probably the wisest course of action. BTW the Canadian Senate is trying to tack a "bathroom clause" on a TG rights Bill which would prevent all TG from using the bathroom of their target gender unless they have had complete SRS (ID would not work in this case unless you have a letter stating you are complete). It is unlikely this will pass but should it, then I will be denied access to ladies restrooms in all buildings under Federal jurisdiction including airports.
Hugs
Isha
I have a good one for you.....I was at Keystone ( dressed obviosly) ....out in public though in a vanilla establishment, NOT the hotel... with about 100 other cd's....went to the bathroom....the ladies line was PACKED WITH CD'S Out the door and around the corner ....
Guys room...wide open...no line
So I walked in the guys room and saw a pair of heels squating in the only stall.
I proceded to use the urinal ( yes...im THAT girl and I had a few drinks in me...)
as the girl in the stall came out I said..."You totally did NOT See me do this"
Turns out it was a REAL GG !! And she says OMG..Im in the guys room !!!!...
Then proceded to tell me either way..its no big deal.
Which was cool, just wish that was how the majority felt.
Funny story though.
I have also had gg's ask me to take pics with them in bathrooms too LOL...
But still depends on where you are and WHO you bump into I guess...
Things change a bit when there are a lot of us around. Persephone's law states that the chances of being made are proportional to the square of the number of us present. When I'm out with a dozen CDers we're going to be made whether we are in the restaurant or restroom.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
too funny, glad i read this before bed.... if i read this in the morning their would be no accountability where that coffee would go....
thanks for the laugh....THAT girl....precious....
....Mykell
i dressed like a girl and i liked it!crossdressing...theirs an app for that
Its never happened to me but I'm sure I would act pissed and storm out.That way I'm not admitting anything LOL
I have spoken with a few ladies in the ladies room and it was cordial.
One said "I love your boots" and one said "cute outfit" to which I said thank you.
I have used many women's restrooms and never once has anyone given me a second look nor presumed to ask any such question. I've engaged in some small talk at the mirror, but no such conversations ever happened.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
I've seen many restroom posts so I decided to share one that didn't go so well for the CDer.
We were at a packed nightclub and I was standing in a long line in the ladies room when in waltzes a CDer, goes to the front of the line (mistake #1), grabs the next available stall, and his feet are facing the toilet as he does his business (mistake#2). When the CDer came out, he did not wash his hands (mistake #3) but proceeded to whip out his phone - like he was going take a selfie (mistake #4). In front of me were five ladies that were together (GG's often go to the restroom as a group). One of them became furious (maybe fueled by alcohol), and confronted the CDer demanding to know if he was a man. He proceeded to argue with the "madder than a wet cat" GG, and told her that he, the CDer, was a woman (mistake #5). I won't repeat what she said but it wasn't pretty. His voice was a dead giveaway. At that point, it was more than obvious that he was a man. He escaped unharmed, however that was not the end of it. The women proceeded to tell anyone that would listen about the "man in the women's" restroom and pointed him out. The CDer kind of stood against the wall by himself - again with his phone. I don't know if he knew that she was outing him to everyone in sight.
So, just a few suggestions. Avoid mistakes #1 through #5. Leave the phone in your purse. Don't argue if confronted. Leave!!!
One more thing unrelated to this incident. If you go into a restroom where a mom is dealing with small children, leave - find another place to go. No one wants to accused of being a predator.
On a personal note, I go out with my SO and his CD friends who all use the ladies room. It doesn't bother me a bit. There are many GG's who just don't care who is in the restroom - but just beware, not all experiences may be good ones.
Last edited by char GG; 04-22-2015 at 08:44 PM.
Char, had the cross dresser waited patiently, acted appropriately in the stall and afterwards, what do you think the reaction would have been?
