Hello everyone,
I hardly know where to start, I had such a fantastic day yesterday and I am on such a high right now. I just need to write it down and tell you all, all about it.
First a little bit of the back story: I have talked about it before, but so many stories here and know you all don’t keep up on just little old meThere are two kids, late twenties, that I befriended and they both see me as a father figure. I had the opportunity to marry (Yes I'm ordained) the boy to a lovely girl that I now call my daughter in law. Not long ago and with a lot of fear, I came out to them about my CDing. They were all extremely accepting and totally understanding and I would love to say that I have two great kids. Up until yesterday the boy (my son) had not seen me dressed up, so when my daughter suggested, they all go out with Victoria, I was a little apprehensive.
Back story part 2: Recently I post on the fashion thread about a pair of heels I bought. Suede moccasin looking, fabulous 5” heels and I took some of the suggestion I got to put together an outfit to go with them. A knee length denim dress, that buttons down in the front, a brown suede pocket book with fringe. I tied a denim blue and white scarf around my waist and put on so me torques jewelry including an Indian bead choker that sufficiently hid my prominent adams apple. My makeup went I well, I am not great, but I am getting better and fake eye lashes, they went on with out a hitch, yes I was shock too, they have given me such a fit in the past. Oh and for the first time I have both my ears pierced and got to wear dangly earrings that didn't hurt my earlobes through out the evening. Why didn’t I do this before?
The plan: My daughter is lesbian and knows all the gay bars in town, there is one that I have been to a couple times and feel safe at, yes I’m still concerned about not being able to pass. My son was fine with that and was excited about playing some pool and having a few beers. Even my daughter in law, who was the last to find out about me, agreed to meet us there when she got off work. I was worried about them both seeing me in girl mode, but I kept telling myself, life is what it is and I have to be me, true to myself whether me is me or me is Victoria. I can not be honest with myself if I can not be honest with those I love.
Now the story: My son arrived at my house first, they all just walk in, they truly are my kids. I was still in my bedroom, putting on my wig and doing my final touch ups. We chatted from down the hall as I took several deep breaths and built my courage to walk out into the living room. When I did, he got up gave me the usual hug, told me I looked great and we went right back to our typical small talk. My daughter came over and suddenly they were both talking about getting something to eat. I hadn't thought about this, I hadn't eaten either, too busy getting ready and if we were going to have some drinks we needed food. We talked about fast food and just eating in the car on the way, but then I though, there is an Italian place downtown that we like, lets go sit down and have a meal.
We left the house. This time I didn't sneak out like I normally do. I figured if the neighbors saw me, it would be from a distance and with my kids around me they wouldn't pick me out. We got to the restaurant and I remembered everything I have learned here about “owning it” We walked in picked out a table and I strolled past all the muggles playing no mind and no one gave me a second look. I really think my only outstanding tell was my heels were a little inappropriate for a woman my age. I honestly do not know if the server read me or not. I thought she must have as the place is well lit, but I couldn't detect anything from how she treated or addressed me. It was such a wonderful meal and experience, everything just felt so normal and common place. Yes there was this little voice inside me screaming with panic and fear, but at this point in my life I have gotten so good at suppressing feeling that it actually felt good to turn it around a suppress the ones I didn't like for a change.
We got to the bar, I order us some drinks, we played some pool and my daughter in law called. She was outside and my son went out to the parking lot to walk her in. I went back into nervous mode. She came in gave me a once over and then a big hug. Later she told me I did a great job with my makeup and hadn't recognized me when she first walked in. She also complimented me on my ability to walk in such high heels and told me I need to give her lessons. No really for a GG she really can’t walk in them and rarely wears any.
We didn't stay late; we went back to my house, talked a little more and eventually ended this truly wonderful and adventurous evening with Victoria.
So that is my story for this weekend. I am gitty that I walked in 5” heels with no troubles, ecstatic that I can wear regular earrings now, elated that I found in myself the courage to walk amongst the muggles in full Victoria mode, but most of all overjoyed at the fact that I have such loving people around me.
Sorry for the length of this story, sorry I have no pictures this time to share with all, but if you have read through this thank you for listening and thank all of you on this site for your friendship, advice, understanding, and helping me to embrace this side of me that I have denied myself for so many, many years. For those of you that know me here, I am still working on my wife with the understanding part, I did set her up an account here and I am hoping when she gets back in town, she will sign on. Before she left she did leave me some coupons for makeup products, so she is trying.
Well I gabbed way too long
With Loves and hugs
Victoria D
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