Question for CDers and their SO's only, no TSs please.

[carhill2mn]

Given the "rules" that you stated, the answer would be no.

[Shirley Anne]

definately no Im just a straightforward crossdresser but perfectly happy being male and in male mode the majority of the time, its just purely about the clothes for me.

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

Add one more to the "no" camp. As someone exploring the possibility of being gender fluid at best, I like my body the way it is.

[Kandi Robbins]

No, I am very happy as a man, but enjoy my girl time as well. After figuring out who I am, I am happy. Happy when I am me, happy when I am Kandi.

Beside doing so would come at too significant of a loss.

[StephanieinSecret]

Not me! I'm a man who likes being pretty sometimes, not a repressed woman. I enjoy the back-and-forth of CDing too much.

[ReineD]

Thanks so much for your responses everyone!

Was your intention just to 'out' the inbetweenies, or confirm a distinction between crossdressers and transsexuals that most of us are probably already aware of and agree on...???

Of course, now I am interested in why you asked the question, and in such a very specific manner.

I just wanted to see if there was any truth to the idea that the difference between CDers and TSs is just a question of time. Clearly, it is not.

I purposely painted a realistic picture of transition in my OP. It does no good to ask a CDer, "Do you think about transition?" and he answers yes, if the question relates to the reality of transition and the answer is motivated by a mind's eye image of the "ideal" GG and her imagined life. .

I wanted to know what the answers would be, given the reality.

[flatlander_48]

My answer would be No. While there is an attraction to femininity, I've never felt that I was in the wrong body.

[Katey888]

I just wanted to see if there was any truth to the idea that the difference between CDers and TSs is just a question of time. Clearly, it is not.

I think to fully prove the truth of this you'll have to come back sometime in the future and ask the same folk the same question... And again, and again, and...

And you did get a few 'maybes' too...

You also have a cross-section here that is more on the mature side of life than otherwise - despite some obvious, high-profile transitioners in their autumnal years, I suspect most CDers who have reached a late-ish stage in life have done so as a CDer because the impetus to transition is just not high enough or circumstances have meant that the option was simply unavailable (for whatever reason). I shudder as to how many of those folk may have found other ways to end the need because any sort of support to transition was not open to them.

Given that cosmetic surgery continues to improve, I wonder how the answers would vary if your conditions reflected the reality that surgery can make you appear more youthful; can give you breast implants that could later be removed; can remove and reposition fatty tissue to alter body shape; can eliminate unwanted hair growth... and probably lots of other stuff that gets quite scary...

Katey x

[AbigailJordan]

no Reine, I wouldn't go for the transition. As many have said and I'm sure many have thought.. most CD's would love to have a pair of boobs to save the breast forms etc.. but I think that remains a fantasy wish rather than a true desire..

But ultimately no, I still identify as male, I am happy to be viewed as a Crossdresser/Transvestite/female impersonator/drag queen/whatever else people want to call it.. and I prefer to be referred to in the feminine context when en femme, but no.. I don't feel I'm in the wrong body.. I just want to be able to dress that body however I want.

[Tonya Rose]

Nope!! never plan to take it that far.... I am very comfortable with both sides of myself...

[Suzie Petersen]

No. And certainly not at this stage in my life. I am fine with who I am 99% of the time.

I just wanted to see if there was any truth to the idea that the difference between CDers and TSs is just a question of time. Clearly, it is not.

I know people generally say that jokingly, but it is a bad joke in my opinion. That is the kind of talk that makes an already concerned wife very nervous and difficult to convince.

[~Joanne~]

I am a CD in the truest sense. I have no desires or "inner girl" screaming to get out that i would ever consider transitioning or having anything done to myself on a permanent basis. I love that I can go back and forth on a whim, change my look or whatever and feel comfortable doing so.

[Linda Leigh]

In a word NO!!!!!

[MissTee]

No. I am a man and want to stay that way. Oh, and to stay fully functional, too.

[ReineD]

I think to fully prove the truth of this you'll have to come back sometime in the future and ask the same folk the same question

Not really. One just needs to look at our 11 year accumulation of posts and threads in the CD vs. the TS section (since 2004), to ascertain that only a small percentage actually think seriously about doing it. Invariably, if a member considers transition, she will post more in the TS section than the CD section. And even then, not everyone who posts regularly in the TS section follows through. A lot of them just disappear, before even beginning their journeys. Did they successfully transition and are they now stealth? Or did they get cold feet and don't want to come back here to say they didn't go through with it.

In any case, my thread provides the silent CD majority here with the opportunity to tell us how they really feel.

And you did get a few 'maybes' too...

This is my point. lol. There are a few "maybes", with an overwhelming number of resounding No's.

It's nice to have a thread with real voices rather than have loose conjectures flying about, that the difference between CDs and TSs is only a few years.

[Erika Lyne]

2...You would also keep your current work situations, your current families, you would still live in the same neighborhoods. And you would not be stealth afterwards, most people would not immediately take it you were a genetic female ... it would be apparent (as is the norm) that you were a former man who transitioned (like Bruce Jenner).

To be accepted as who I feel to be, not lose friends and, more important, family?
Keep the job I have a love/hate relationship with and keep my wonderful neighbors?

One question, AFTER transition (full SRS) are you saying no sexual function at all? Or if answering "yes" then no MALE sexual function? If it were that no MALE sexual function but still have an adequate sex life with my current spouse, then HELL YES!!!

I am not sure where I fit in the whole spectrum but it is further along than I ever imagined and it scares me. If I could ever wake up in the morning and not ask myself, "What am I?" it would make me so much happier.

I hope you are finding what you are looking for.
-E

PS: Over 90 responses in under 23 hours, this is that fastest populating post I've seen. You have touched upon a subject people are willing to talk about. Interesting.

[flatlander_48]

It's nice to have a thread with real voices rather than have loose conjectures flying about, that the difference between CDs and TSs is only a few years.

SSDD...

Some say the same thing about bisexuals compared to being gay. Even if sometimes said in jest, it has roots in people actually expressing an opinion (erroneous) or being sarcastic (hurtful).

If that were really true for crossdressers, I doubt if it would be "a few years". I would think that the level of discomfort (or mismatch between the physical and mental selves) would be quite noticable 'way before that. You might not know exactly what it is, but dislike for the current situation should be pretty clear.

DeeAnn

[Kate T]

Not really. One just needs to look at our 11 year accumulation of posts and threads in the CD vs. the TS section (since 2004), to ascertain that only a small percentage actually think seriously about doing it.

Nice. A very good defacto measure. The only complication being that this is "crossdressers.com" so there is possibly a selection bias but if we take into account a large percentage of TS originally identify as CD then you probably capture most of the MTF TG spectrum. Part of me is very curious about how Katey's linear cohort would look too though

And even then, not everyone who posts regularly in the TS section follows through. A lot of them just disappear, before even beginning their journeys. Did they successfully transition and are they now stealth? Or did they get cold feet and don't want to come back here to say they didn't go through with it.

Alternatively I suspect that most TS once they transition no longer "need" the forums. Hence they drop out. You get a few who continue on well into / after their transition who are trying to help others and provide some role models and leadership but these seem to be significantly fewer than those who are seeking assistance / support for either decisions to transition or assistance with dealing with various issues of transition. Once they have resolved those issues I suspect many do not feel comfortable / have no need or interest in providing continuing support and leadership on this forum (I am not saying that they don't provide support or leadership elsewhere in their lives).

It's nice to have a thread with real voices rather than have loose conjectures flying about, that the difference between CDs and TSs is only a few years.

Definitely. Certainly has generated a fair bit of interest!

[Robin777]

40 years ago I might have said yes,But now it is big No...

[JocelynJames]

That's a big N O for me also. The way I see it , I pretty much have the best of both worlds.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Reine, For me the thought of having real breasts is a fascinating thought
but I'm happy having the best of both worlds

[Jeninus]

Before I met my wife of 44 years, I would very likely have said "Yes" conditioned on the financing being available...it wasn't. Now that I am married to that wife, although the funding would be no problem whatsoever, I am committed to her and to our lives together - so now "No," and that is for the best, I'm certain.

I have come across some websites run by TSs, who have used their forums to express great regret about having undergone SRS (for some of the reasons set forth by ReineD at the outset in her post). How extensive and frequent that post-op regret is, how could we know? But an unhappy result of surgery may well explain why so many TSs disappear from this website. Suppose you make that supreme sacrifice and still can't pass and blend in? Your height, your hands and foot size will always be there, not to mention being "sir"'d on the phone and given strange looks when you open your mouth to speak in public. The surgeons may be great, but they aren't magicians.

Besides, when I stroll through the mall and observe women, I see very little about them that makes me envy them or want to be one of them. I'm afraid they don't particularly strike me as looking as though they particularly enjoy being women, except when they are in a group with their friends - that's perhaps more special for them than it is for us. Most of them have concerns and frustrations and worries, just like us.

[ReineD]

SSDD...
If that were really true for crossdressers, I doubt if it would be "a few years". I would think that the level of discomfort (or mismatch between the physical and mental selves) would be quite noticable 'way before that. You might not know exactly what it is, but dislike for the current situation should be pretty clear.

Precisely.



To Katey and others who like to believe that a fair chunk of CDers might want to transition, I just want to say that I understand why it might be beneficial for some people in our community to believe this. I should think it makes them feel safer. After all, if a larger percentage of the population was trans to the point of wanting to be full-time and therefore out (it's pretty hard to be full-time in the closet), say for example 15% - 20% or even more, the general populace would be inured to seeing them. There wouldn't be any negative bias since people would take transpersons as being part of life's daily fabric rather than someone who is "odd" because there are so few.

But, to want something is one thing. To convince the self and others that what one wants is true is entirely different.

I have come across some websites run by TSs, who have used their forums to express great regret about having undergone SRS (for some of the reasons set forth by ReineD at the outset in her post). How extensive and frequent that post-op regret is, how could we know?

Interesting you mention this. Just last week we found out that another friend, after SRS, wants to go back to living male.

I don't think that TSs ever regret transition. They absolutely need to align their bodies to their internal sense of gender. But, I do think there is a huge potential for regret if someone goes through the steps of transition for the wrong reasons. This happens more frequently than you think and unfortunately it takes some years to figure that out.

[Taylor186]

I've been an occasional crossdresser for fifty years. Never once in this time did I feel the need to transition.

[Natalie cupcake]

No Reine I would not like to change who I am. My wife loves both parts of me. She likes Natalie around but she wants a man around as well.